TUNA NEWS -- JULY 28, 2003

Guess that Quote (answers at the end of the article) 1- "I fought the rug and the rug won" 2- "I am sure your mom will like to see you humping my leg" 3- "I can be racist and biased..." 4- "Everything is delicious. I wish you would sit down and fucking have some" (ok, that's a giveaway) 5- "One guy was huge and his name was Gino" 6- "I think he is a worthless, petty little man." Repacking the package Ali asks Dave if it doesn't hurt 'his winky' [tm TV CLUBHOUSE] to not wear underwear. Dave demonstrates that without tighty whities, he can reach in and zipzop! Rearrange himself! (ed. note: Winky?? Personally, I go with the Eric Cartman rules here. You're supposed to call it a fireman!) The World According to Dave "Every time Jun touches me, I was to yell "get the fuck off of me." "Michelle needs to have people pick on her because she's always had everything handed to her." "I think Erika is in a shitty position right now..." "Jun and Jee definitely need to get split up. It's an underlying alliance. I knew from the beginning and then Ali said something about it too." "I can't stand Jun. I talk more shit about her in the DR than anyone." "Davey.....Davey Crocket!" You and Me Against the World Nate and Ali discuss their greatness. Ali says the world is plotting against them. Nate laughs and says he knows. Ali says little do they know that they (Nate and Ali, the greatest in the entire world, in the entire history of the game!!) are going to win every competition from now on. Nate says he has a plan all figured out, and he will tell Ali later. I personally wonder, if you are so incredibly great, why do you need a plan if you are going to win every competition? Regrets, She's had a few Dana says her biggest mistake was not putting Nate and Ali up at the same time. She keeps talking about how she made a great move for the game even though she was against the E8. She says Nate is selfish and packed with emotions (pot, meet kettle). Dana also says Jack hit the nail on the head saying that Nathan plays with a lot of fear. Dana says again she is just so fucking mad (in case you didn't already know that). Regrets, This Recapper's had several Please remove all sharp and/or pointy objects before continuing. Dana and Justin are giving their nightly massages. Justin is straddling Dana and rubbing her back. Dana says "wouldn't it be great if we were the last two?" Justin says it would be awesome. Dana says "then we could say 'fuck you' to everyone....you hated us." (Sheesh, Dana, the fuck-o-meter is already off the page. No need to be redundant) Dana says the people behind the walls get excited watching them. The Alliance Continues Erika calls Dave and Jack her two little nominee boys. She says she is sorry. The three agree to pretend to be pissed at Nathan and Alison, even though they understand why he did what he did. Erika says it is horrible that her two best buddies are up on the block. Erika tells David that Dana has no power...it is Justin who makes the decisions. Jack says he hates packing. Dave says if he leaves he will have to get a job. Jack says the most pressure he feels is having his kids on the internet, especially with all the profanity. Jee's Charm School Jee and Robert agree they can't be blinded by Dave's charm. Jee worries that Justin is letting his feelings for Dana get in the way. Jee thinks Dave has been throwing competitions, and when Dave wanted to win one (Veto), he did. They think Dave could easily win HOH if he doesn't go this week. Jee and Robert start beating the worst case scenario horse, and ultimately decide worst case scenarios are what always happen. Jee gives props to Ali for using her body to stay. Cro-magnum Jee then says he bets he could "spread her (Ali) cheeks if he wants". Jee then leaves to club a T-Rex for dinner. Jee says he likes Erika, but won't hang with her at sequesterville. Then again, he says if he gets drunk enough, he will hang with anyone. Jee thinks Justin brings out the "girly" in Dana and makes her more loving to Jee and Robert. Ick. Where is my sharp pointy stick? High bid....99-cents HG discuss eBay and how you can't sell BB stuff on eBay. They discuss how to get around the rules and still sell stuff. They wonder how much money they can get for Dana's panties. Survivor Sue, You're Not More discussion about how horrible Nathan and Ali are. The JeePs think Nathan's speech in the POV meeting was horrible. Dana says when she wins Veto next, her speech will be "She wouldn't save them if they were fucking bleeding to death." Dana says she will jump up and down and cheer on live TV when Nathan and Ali leave. Dana says she wants to smash Nathan and Ali's heads together. Anger management, anyone? Guess that Quote answers 1. Jack (in reference to the luxury competition where he fell down and smashed his face) 2. Dave (in reference to Jun saying her mom was watching her on the Internet) 3. Jun (in reference to boyfriend preferences) 4. Dana (as said to Jun. If you got this one wrong, go back and read every recap from BB4) 5. Justin (in reference to his handler) 6. Dana (in reference to Nathan) It's a dirty job but someone has to do it Dana goes in to do battle with the WC. It is the responsibility of HOH to clean the bathroom. Dana complains that Jee didn't do it and now she is going to (all together now!) "stick her foot up his ass". Robert asks her why she is in such a bad mood. Dana goes on a rant about cleaning the bathroom, and now she has to empty the bathroom garbage. "What, did we forget about the bathroom garbage, garbage man? huh, garbage man?!" We don't have to change the bathroom garbage any more?" Dana complains about the bathroom, and ants, and having to vacuum..... 12 Inches = 1 foot No, this is NOT about what you think it's about. Pervs. It's a discussion of ... feet! Would you like a rundown of the hamster's feet? I knew you would... David does not have black toes. Dana walks around barefoot at home. That's why they are hard as a rock." David says he walks barefoot to the beach carrying his surfboard. Jack tells Dana she doesn't have to wear shoes here either. Jee and His Hose The hose is broken. Poor hose! What will they do without a hose? Poor hoseless hamsters! Jee to the rescue! He will fix the hose! Go, Jee, Go! Hose fixing is very hard. Jee repeats over and over "I gotta fix the hose." It's his hose mantra. Jee reminds himself to breathe (because hose-fixing can cause a sudden lack of oxygen). Breathe Jee, Breathe! Fix the hose, Jee, fix the hose! He asks the hose "why you gotta be like that?" Evil, bad hose. Little does Jee know that it was sent out on a recon mission by the creeping terror in the storage room. More quotes too good to pass up Jun "I'm playing piano on your ass, Dave" Jack says he had Robert's last Coke today. (maybe not the drink?) Jack "It's a poon-tang thing, because Dana has the hots for Dave." Dana says "we overestimate Jack in many ways, but we don't sleep over him either." (huh??) Dana declares she is going to give Ali and Nate the "look of death" at the next HOH competition. Dana mocks Ali and Nate reading the bible. She says they will "go to hell for their sacreligion (huh again??)