TUNA NEWS -- JULY 31, 2003

But it's better than mesh The Hamsters spend a huge amount of time cutting up and cursing out their outfit for tomorrow's food competition. Nobody likes it (but nobody likes anything) and as expected, it's a royal bitch session. Dana "it's going to make my ass look saggy." Jee "Make it open to your belly button and show your ass crack." Dana and Jun say it makes someone look like a gay guy in jail. Jun tells Dana "you want it to be less penitentiary like." Stooges say it looks gay. They look like fruit loops and douche bags. Jun ain't no dummy All in a conversation with Ali.... "I am not the brains, but I am the level-headed one." "Everyone is a threat in their own way." "Everyone is really playing for themselves." "I would like to be seen as one who goes back and forth." BB Double Jeopardy Round The Answer is...Because there aren't enough blind and deaf men in this world. Question Why aren't Dana and Jun married yet? You can Quote me on that Erika "This is starting to P me O" (alphabet game, anyone?) Dana "Anyone could go in there and manipulate her. Even I could go in and pucker my lips...." Nate "Timberlake don't have nothing on me. Brittany is gonna come calling...." Nate "I'm not going to sleep with the hyenas." In Memoriam Jack "What do you suppose Dave is doing tonight? Ali "Having sex." Smoked Jee Robert and Justin convene a meeting of the mutual admiration society. They saved Jee! He should appreciate it that they are around! The others would have betrayed him! They don't mind doing Jee's dirty work! They say Jee is funny! Jee must have friends! Just must have tons of friends! Are they on crack? I will name him "George" It seems the boys name their bongs. Yeah, I know. Justin says his friends named theirs "Darth Vader". Jee says he and Jun (!) named their bong "Big Red". Justin says one of his bongs is named "Cal Ripken." I'm wondering if Justin has a matched set. What Would Martha Stuart Do? Like Cattle Branding? Jee says he "wanted to leave his mark" on all his women. He wanted to carve his name on them with a knife. To their credit, Robert, Justin and Dana think that's ridiculous. You can quote me Jee says he wants to get really stoned when he gets out of the house. Dana says "Well, it won't take much. One hit and you'll be like retarded."

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 30, 2003

Mine is Too Tall The hamsters were busy last night trying to peek outside when they were on lockdown. There was construction outside, and it seemed (or they thought) they were building a much taller platform for the "Blue Balls" competition. Dana says "look how high that shit it" and although BB told them they could practice tonight, none of the hamsters feel they can. Dana thinks the whole thing is a decoy. I think yeah, you're right, because they would pay a crew a boatload of money to construct something just to trick you. Hell, Dana, they could point to the sky and yell "look at that fucking bird" and trick you. Is that a trick question? Speaking of tricks. Ali was asked in the DR who she thought had gained the most weight in the house. Duh. Quotes spawned from hell Jun "They (Dave and Ali) better not be hooking up in the Desert room. If someone deserves it, it's me. Jun "Nate looked cute in that ski cap." Ali (to Nate) "We need to start being evil" Nate "I'm tired of being the nice guy in the house" Justin "Shut the fuck up Jee!" (who evidently was snoring very loudly) We All Know What Assume Means Nate and Ali are certain that Dave is staying tomorrow. Why? Because everybody and their mother has told them that he is leaving. So, he must be staying, right? Ali also made the observation in the DR that she is innocent and she doesn't lie. BB asked her why *not* ?? Addenda--Nate told Ali that he "almost cried in the shower" when he saw Jack blow drying his hair. At this point my mind splinters into a million different directions, each one ending with a punchline and a ba-DUMP-bump drum crash. Nate is sad because Jack looked disappointed to be going home. Nate? It's a good thing you aren't the brains of the operation. More Proof That Robert's An AssHat Robert says before he gets married he is going to have someone follow his chick for a month. That's love. Flashes of insight Ali asks Erika if she thinks Nate might be gay. Erika says no. Ali says he kisses me on my hand. It reminds Ali of her brother. Dana makes a nearly astute observation about Jee. She says Jee thinks women are shit and he assumed he would run the entire house. ...And then the crosses fell off the wall Robert went to Catholic School. Justin went to public school, but has been confirmed. Dana says a prayer at Mach 10 speed. Says her mother made it up when she was little. Slow it down and play it backwards -- it is a love sonnet to Beelzebub. Parting Shots from HOH We couldn't let the week go by without some parting words of our very own Miss Sybil, Dana. Pick your favorite personality! "I am such a good person." "I am going to let this go, and stop trying to react." "I am going to kill everyone with kindness tomorrow." ~~followed by~~ "This mo'fo is talking shit about me. He's got balls." "This has become the Dana vs. Nathan Show" "I filled up all the drawers (in the orange striped room) and I'll make him miserable."

TUNA NEWS LUNCHTIME EXTRA -- JULY 29, 2003

The time has come, the Mantroll said, To cuss out many things, Of Nate--and Ali--Bikini Wax-- Of slimy bathtub rings! And why the hot tub's fucking hot! And whether we can sing. But wait a bit! The Hamsters cried, Before we have our spat; Your eyes bug out, You look like death, poor Jun is getting fat! I'm pissed AWF! yelled the Mantroll, (They figured she'd say that) A loaf of bread, Big Brother Said is what they chiefly need. Peanut Butter and Jelly besides, are very good indeed. Now if you're ready, hamsters dear, On each other you can feed. It wasn't us! The blonde ones lied, and wept a little too. After our alliance, it's a dismal thing to do. The power's mine! The mantroll cried, So what you gonna do? "Oh hamsters," said the mantroll, "You've had a pleasant run. When we're done, can we be friends?" But answer, came there none. And this was scarcely odd because, she'd PISSED AWWWF every one. With thanks (and apologies) to Lewis Carroll.

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 29, 2003

I'm Rubber, You're Glue According to Ali and Nate, the Dark Side calls them the "Stripper" and the "Drag Queen". They also report that Robert lives in a small house in the backyard of his Grandparents house, rent-free. They say Robert's fancy car got reposessed, he got fired from his last job, and has been unemployed ever since. He probably has cooties, too. Hell hath no fury Nate is going for the jugular. He is hitting Jun where it counts...in the kitchen! Nate made bacon for breakfast, which (say it.......SAY IT....) pissed AWF Jun and Dana, who were making sausage. They said he had no right to cook it. Nate plans to do more cooking to piss then AWFFF. I think we're dealing with a real criminal mastermind here. I mean, is bacon-cooking an offensive move, or a defensive move? I can only imagine what is next in this build-up of aggressive breakfast foods. People...stop the madness! Beat 'em back with a spatula Erika offered to cook week one. Jun won't let anyone do any of the cooking. Several HG agree that she isn't that great a cook. See Ya, Wouldn't Want to Be Ya Dave wants to figure out how to "go out with a bang". I guess I thought he achieved that week one. But I digress. Erika suggests shouting "Bye ManTroll!!" Don't Tug on Superman's Cape OK -- note to faithful readers. I am not going to recap verbatim this inane conversation about Viagra, because it's vile. If you think Robert was a slime, let me just say it was nothing compared to this conversation. However, I have extracted a few tidbits for your early morning mockery. Rob No matter how I describe it, it doesn't compare to how it is....Some call it the cape....you were just like Superman...it's just....Dude....you're the Man! Jee But can you live up to it afterwards? Rob No. Jee Why would I want to do that....Alright, hit me off one, I'll try it. Rob Your chick's going to think you suck after that, Dude. He Said, She Said Much rating and ranking of the HG by our illustrious panel of Jun, Dana, Jee and Justin. Girls say Robert is a 5 on looks, but personality bumps him up to a 7. Girls say sometimes Erika looks like a man. Girls say Ali's thighs are too thick. Guys say Michelle is hot. Guys say Amanda was "hot" and "slammin." Girls say Amanda was too skinny. You could see her spine. Pica or Elite? The Dark side discusses their dating "type". Jee doesn't like skinny girls. Robert will "never go white" Justin says you can't do it without a personality Not exactly a role-model Stories about drug testing. Dana says at the Karate School they don't have drug testing. Dana says they would die if they KNEW (don't they know now??). Dana says once she knew she had a drug test the next morning. She drank a bottle of vinegar to cover up the pot smoking. They nearly called an ambulance, and sent her home sick. She avoided the test. Justin says he had a friend who ate a cotton ball with Clorox. Jee says he went to his neighborhood GNC for some stuff. Final Words Justin says when Julie Chen asks him about how he feels having his ex saved by the veto, he'll say "I think Nathan is a fucking asshole." Jee says Ali is going to look like a giant Ho on TV. Erika says she would pay money to see Ali deck Dana. Dana (Hands down best line so far) "I guess people with no personality hang with people with no personality." Truer words were never spoken.

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 28, 2003

Guess that Quote (answers at the end of the article) 1- "I fought the rug and the rug won" 2- "I am sure your mom will like to see you humping my leg" 3- "I can be racist and biased..." 4- "Everything is delicious. I wish you would sit down and fucking have some" (ok, that's a giveaway) 5- "One guy was huge and his name was Gino" 6- "I think he is a worthless, petty little man." Repacking the package Ali asks Dave if it doesn't hurt 'his winky' [tm TV CLUBHOUSE] to not wear underwear. Dave demonstrates that without tighty whities, he can reach in and zipzop! Rearrange himself! (ed. note: Winky?? Personally, I go with the Eric Cartman rules here. You're supposed to call it a fireman!) The World According to Dave "Every time Jun touches me, I was to yell "get the fuck off of me." "Michelle needs to have people pick on her because she's always had everything handed to her." "I think Erika is in a shitty position right now..." "Jun and Jee definitely need to get split up. It's an underlying alliance. I knew from the beginning and then Ali said something about it too." "I can't stand Jun. I talk more shit about her in the DR than anyone." "Davey.....Davey Crocket!" You and Me Against the World Nate and Ali discuss their greatness. Ali says the world is plotting against them. Nate laughs and says he knows. Ali says little do they know that they (Nate and Ali, the greatest in the entire world, in the entire history of the game!!) are going to win every competition from now on. Nate says he has a plan all figured out, and he will tell Ali later. I personally wonder, if you are so incredibly great, why do you need a plan if you are going to win every competition? Regrets, She's had a few Dana says her biggest mistake was not putting Nate and Ali up at the same time. She keeps talking about how she made a great move for the game even though she was against the E8. She says Nate is selfish and packed with emotions (pot, meet kettle). Dana also says Jack hit the nail on the head saying that Nathan plays with a lot of fear. Dana says again she is just so fucking mad (in case you didn't already know that). Regrets, This Recapper's had several Please remove all sharp and/or pointy objects before continuing. Dana and Justin are giving their nightly massages. Justin is straddling Dana and rubbing her back. Dana says "wouldn't it be great if we were the last two?" Justin says it would be awesome. Dana says "then we could say 'fuck you' to everyone....you hated us." (Sheesh, Dana, the fuck-o-meter is already off the page. No need to be redundant) Dana says the people behind the walls get excited watching them. The Alliance Continues Erika calls Dave and Jack her two little nominee boys. She says she is sorry. The three agree to pretend to be pissed at Nathan and Alison, even though they understand why he did what he did. Erika says it is horrible that her two best buddies are up on the block. Erika tells David that Dana has no power...it is Justin who makes the decisions. Jack says he hates packing. Dave says if he leaves he will have to get a job. Jack says the most pressure he feels is having his kids on the internet, especially with all the profanity. Jee's Charm School Jee and Robert agree they can't be blinded by Dave's charm. Jee worries that Justin is letting his feelings for Dana get in the way. Jee thinks Dave has been throwing competitions, and when Dave wanted to win one (Veto), he did. They think Dave could easily win HOH if he doesn't go this week. Jee and Robert start beating the worst case scenario horse, and ultimately decide worst case scenarios are what always happen. Jee gives props to Ali for using her body to stay. Cro-magnum Jee then says he bets he could "spread her (Ali) cheeks if he wants". Jee then leaves to club a T-Rex for dinner. Jee says he likes Erika, but won't hang with her at sequesterville. Then again, he says if he gets drunk enough, he will hang with anyone. Jee thinks Justin brings out the "girly" in Dana and makes her more loving to Jee and Robert. Ick. Where is my sharp pointy stick? High bid....99-cents HG discuss eBay and how you can't sell BB stuff on eBay. They discuss how to get around the rules and still sell stuff. They wonder how much money they can get for Dana's panties. Survivor Sue, You're Not More discussion about how horrible Nathan and Ali are. The JeePs think Nathan's speech in the POV meeting was horrible. Dana says when she wins Veto next, her speech will be "She wouldn't save them if they were fucking bleeding to death." Dana says she will jump up and down and cheer on live TV when Nathan and Ali leave. Dana says she wants to smash Nathan and Ali's heads together. Anger management, anyone? Guess that Quote answers 1. Jack (in reference to the luxury competition where he fell down and smashed his face) 2. Dave (in reference to Jun saying her mom was watching her on the Internet) 3. Jun (in reference to boyfriend preferences) 4. Dana (as said to Jun. If you got this one wrong, go back and read every recap from BB4) 5. Justin (in reference to his handler) 6. Dana (in reference to Nathan) It's a dirty job but someone has to do it Dana goes in to do battle with the WC. It is the responsibility of HOH to clean the bathroom. Dana complains that Jee didn't do it and now she is going to (all together now!) "stick her foot up his ass". Robert asks her why she is in such a bad mood. Dana goes on a rant about cleaning the bathroom, and now she has to empty the bathroom garbage. "What, did we forget about the bathroom garbage, garbage man? huh, garbage man?!" We don't have to change the bathroom garbage any more?" Dana complains about the bathroom, and ants, and having to vacuum..... 12 Inches = 1 foot No, this is NOT about what you think it's about. Pervs. It's a discussion of ... feet! Would you like a rundown of the hamster's feet? I knew you would... David does not have black toes. Dana walks around barefoot at home. That's why they are hard as a rock." David says he walks barefoot to the beach carrying his surfboard. Jack tells Dana she doesn't have to wear shoes here either. Jee and His Hose The hose is broken. Poor hose! What will they do without a hose? Poor hoseless hamsters! Jee to the rescue! He will fix the hose! Go, Jee, Go! Hose fixing is very hard. Jee repeats over and over "I gotta fix the hose." It's his hose mantra. Jee reminds himself to breathe (because hose-fixing can cause a sudden lack of oxygen). Breathe Jee, Breathe! Fix the hose, Jee, fix the hose! He asks the hose "why you gotta be like that?" Evil, bad hose. Little does Jee know that it was sent out on a recon mission by the creeping terror in the storage room. More quotes too good to pass up Jun "I'm playing piano on your ass, Dave" Jack says he had Robert's last Coke today. (maybe not the drink?) Jack "It's a poon-tang thing, because Dana has the hots for Dave." Dana says "we overestimate Jack in many ways, but we don't sleep over him either." (huh??) Dana declares she is going to give Ali and Nate the "look of death" at the next HOH competition. Dana mocks Ali and Nate reading the bible. She says they will "go to hell for their sacreligion (huh again??)

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 26, 2003

I'm ready for my closeup Nate plans to use the veto in a most dramatic fashion. Nate and Ali have gone so far as to instruct the DR guys where to shove......aim their camera (Dana and Justin). In between long discussions of their mutual greatness, they let a word slip about their concerns (albeit short-lived) for others. Don't want to see Jack leave, but hey, "he's old." Nate worries that Dave might leave, but well, not that worried. Jee-3 : You sunk my battleship! Jee enjoyed looking at Michelle's butt, and he dreamed of having sex with her. Jee then talks about how great his current girlfriend is. Jee is pissed he can't talk to his girlfriend. Delusions of Grandeur Dana thinks people will come after her because she always wins. Dana says Nathan won't use the veto because it would piss off his alliance. Dana, Justin and Jee say if Nathan wins next HOH, he will let Jee pick who to nominate. Dana thinks sequesterville is at a nice beach resort. Just Plain Wrong Dana prefers Bryers to Hagen-Daz. The HG left the hot tub on and running all night. Finding Nemo Erika and Jack discuss strong players versus weak players. Maybe the strong players will take out the strong players. Erika tells him to let the big fish duke it out. Jack says he has turned into a jellyfish floating among the other fish. They agree that David was quite down today. Maybe it's because Dave isn't a fish. If he's down, maybe he's a duck. And never forget, you can't get down from an elephant, you get down from a duck. Ahh 2nd grade humors! Anyway, Jack said he needs to get a grip. He was really bored today. To prove how bored he is, Dave stares into a BB camera for a long time and says he is putting a curse on anyone who is watching him. Didn't he read the rules? Robert claims he'll walk if BB won't let him talk to his daughter when he is in sequesterville. Remind me not to watch Justin and Dana say they want to go to the DR and make out. Nate wants to be in show business. He wants to do a movie; Ali wants to do a soap. Nate and Ali - So smart.... Ali tells Nate that Jee and Jun have an alliance. Nate says she is full of shit. Ali gives examples: Jun had an extra beer and gave it to Jee. At dinner time Jun has Jee fix things. Ali swear she can read this. Ali says they (Jun and Jee) will go unnoticed and silent. Ali says Jun is more of a threat than we think and would rather put her up earlier than later. ...and yet so incredibly stupid When Nate and Ali discuss their mutual greatness, they also talk about how last year's hamsters sucked so bad, and they don't see how any future hamsters could ever surpass them. Nate also says Roddy was his favorite player from last year. I hope she can twirl a baton Nate asks Ali what *can't* she do. She lists: She can't sit still, she can't play basketball, she can't be wrong. Nate tells Ali "if you weren't so high strung, I wouldn't mind marrying you." That seems a bit harsh Ali says if her boyfriend came into the house now, He would kill Justin, then you, then Rat Jee and Jack just for having penises. Speaking of which... Despite his boredom, Dave wins the best line award. Ali rubs lotion on Dave's back, and Dave says "this little guy down here's a little dry too. Wanna take care of him?"

TUNA NEWS LUNCHTIME EXTRA -- JULY 25, 2003

Twas the morning of Veto when all through the house All the hamsters were sleeping, even Robert the louse The keys were hung up by the pictures with care In the hopes that their asses, Bitch Dana would spare. Our Davey was nestled all snug in his bed While visions of Amanda danced in his head. With GreenTuna geared up to write a recap, She can't, cause these mo-fo's do nothing but nap. with apologizes to Clement Clark Moore, who would never say "mo-fo's"

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 25, 2003

Dana's Delusions of Grandeur "I am your guardian angel" (Told to the Stooges) "I didn't know what a big impact this would have" "Nate has no one now. Nate will come to us." "If we (dark side) win HOH five straight weeks, it will be a world record." "I am playing the game like an adult" "I checked my heart at the fucking Marriot before I entered the game." Suicide is Painless Earlier in the evening Dave had taken Ali's stuffed Elephant and they were running through the house. Dave had grabbed an electric razor and threatened the elephant. Later that night Ali found her elephant in the bathtub. Sitting next to the toaster. She screams at Dave, "Electrocution is not in anymore!" Keep Your Butt Down, Soldier Last night Ali spent a lot of time on her hands and knees (I know where y'all are going with this so stop it!) crawling on the floor unseen so she could listen at the HOH door. Better watch for carpet burns, there, honey. Evidently it was quite comical to see Ali crawling around. She and Nate played with BB a bit, telling BB that Ali is the assassin and "if their cover is fixin' to be blown, please BB send Ali to the diary room." He says "we're getting shot by traitors in every direction." So Ali crawls around, but hears someone moving in HOH and runs back to Nathan. Nate asks "where was our Mayday??" They both laugh hysterically and Nate speaks directly to his mic "You about blew it for us! We'll try again in a few minutes. All birds are in the nest. I repeat, All birds are in the nest." Pots and Kettles Ali calls Dana and Justin "Mantroll and Midget" Jun calls Ali a kleptomaniac Jee calls Nate and Ali racist. Ali says if Nate wins veto, she is going to stand on a chair and say "I'm off, you fucking bitch!" Interesting.... Justin was telling Dana that Robert (and maybe Justin...we're unsure here) got into big trouble with BB. Dana asked Justin what happened and he said he didn't want to talk about it. She kept pressing him for information and he said that "he said something and they didn't like it" and he got into alot of trouble because it was in the big BB rule book. There is speculation that this is regarding the Stooges discussing splitting the final prize money. Not So Interesting Jee continues to explain to his fellow morons that the tiny clicks they hear are people on the internet taking still shots through the BB camera. Even more amazing? Nobody corrects him. Fastest FOH in the West Dana is sick of the cameras in the shower, so she starts singing. FOH! Erika says Julie Chen is dating Les Moonves. FOH! HG speculate on the location of sequesterville. FOH! I'm for World Peace Dave asks Ali about the Miss PA pageant. She says she was supposed to do it this year. She says next year is her last year of eligibility. She says for the Miss America pageant, you can't have done anything immoral, like having a man stay overnight -- things she has already done. Bathroom Humor Dave put the toaster in the bathtub, he said "There! Now Dana can take a bath." Ali says if she is going to get evicted, she is going to pee in the toilet and float the ducks in it. Final Quote When Ali saw Dave, she asked where her elephant was. Dave told her "last time I saw it, it was making some toast."

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 24, 2003

Big Words from Little Minds As the omnipotent power of Jee sank slowly in the west, the Three Stooges (Battered, Bruised and Humiliated) gathered in the dying sun. "You must Avenge me!" "This hit me in the heart!" "They're messing with the wrong people!" "Wow, that was a shocker!" "I'm hungry." "We are the only three good people in the house." "Wanna play marbles?" A Little Song and Dance Nathan shakes, Robert Eats, Dana has froggy slippers for her feets, Davey sings "The Psycho Bitch has won!" Justin lies, Ali cries, Dana bugs her scary eyes, Jack joins in "The Fun has just begun!" Dana sprays some perfume to "girly" up the room then she uses Bitchtonite to send two to their doom. First her gut, then her brain, Dana's going quite insane, But she's got a Jun-bug in her ear. Nate must go, Ali too, I'll tell you just what to do. We'll make the finals, never fear! Cook the Crow Slowly for 7 days, and then serve "I'm not going to walk on fucking eggshells because the group doesn't like it." "I have no problem being blatantly honest." "I don't plan on loving him [Robert]" "I am going to put the fear of God in everyone in the house" "That doesn't scare me. I can win competitions. I can win veto." "I am not here to do anyone else's work for them. Trading Spaces The HG discuss what is in their houses and kitchen cupboards. Jun doesn't watch TV in bed. Says its unhealthy. Davehas a TV in his bedroom. Says it is the only comfy place to watch. Jun has serving items for 16. She is into retro - glass and black steel, but she has Martha Stuart curtains and linens. Dave almost bought pet beds for sleeping, because he was so broke. His coffee table used to be boxes. Dave claims the decor says it's either a guy's place...or a hobo's. Erika says that Dave has car parts in his kitchen cupboards. Dave explains he had more cupboards than food, so what else was he going to put in there? Would You? Ali would pose topless for Playboy. She would never take off her bottoms. Her price? $300,000 Nate would never pose nude, even for $10 million. Ali says her parents (!!!!????) said she should buy a car with her Playboy money. Political Convictions Ali is a republican. Her family "hates" democrats. Robert is a republican. His family is "pro-business". Ali is against the Democratic tax plan. Says the rich shouldn't have to give the money they earned to the poor. Ali is against her having to pay for college because she has blond hair and blue eyes, while other minorities do not. Food, Glorious Food HG talking about food, the upcoming food competition, and sharing stories. Dave says in military they would receive care packages, and would have to eat the contents within two hours. Dave calls it a "bingefest" and says he once ate 12 hotdogs. Jack speculates upcoming food competition will be an obstacle course. Discussion of how they are not "morning people" and they are pretty clumsy. Later, the HG are horrified that Jack asked for PB when they were making their food wish-list for BB. Great Jack Quote: "Eatin' and drinkin' is better than not eatin' and drinkin' Words escape me When asked if he was sleeping in HOH, Justin said "I don't know, but I'm sure I will be one night this week." One Final Tidbit The HG have renamed The Blue Room "Death Row"

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 23, 2003

Little Known HG Facts You Didn't Need to Know Dana wears her glasses to bed. Jun has long toenails and likes them that way. Michelle drives an Accura. Nate hasn't worn earrings in 2 years (but he got a pair of Michelle's earrings in after pushing them through the back. Yuck) Michelle brought a picture of herself into the BB house. It was her prom picture, and the most important event of her life. Well Known HG Facts You Don't Need to Hear Again Dana is hormonal. Jun is fucking pissed off that somebody made a mess and yells at everybody, asking if she looks like the cleaning woman. Michelle can't decide what to wear tomorrow. Jee, Robert and Justin are an awesome team. They are the dream team. They are destined to go to the end. Vaguely Interesting Hamster Tidbits Ali is getting on Jun's very last nerve. Hates it when she calls her "sweetie". Told her "she was the most beautiful Asian woman she's ever seen." Jack liked Scotty. Said there was something about him that was entertaining. BB took the HG bags yesterday and asked for their sizes. Continued speculation that HOH tonight will not be mental. Night of Bad Jokes Q - What's the difference between a bonus and a boner? A - Michelle will blow your bonus. Q - What is Bruce Lee's favorite drink? A - WAH-TAH! Dude, where are the chips? Jee, Justin and Dana regularly smoke weed, and not for medicinal purposes. Should I stay or should I go now? Jack, Erika and Dave think the JeePs (Jee, Robert and Justin) are not that serious about winning. They say Jee just wants to go home, Robert wants to be with his daughter and Justin just wants to be sequestered. Over-confident? Maybe.... The Thinker Jee and Robert decide they should go to the HOH room and think of every possible scenario for tomorrow's HOH competition. Jee tells Robert to go get Justin because "Justin is a thinker. He's a fucking thinker!" Right Hand Red! BB put supplies in the Storage Room (which were subsequently used for origami). Dana suggests they make a twister board so they can play twister. After Dana leaves, Jun looks at Ali and says "If we don't play Twister now, we'll get our heads kicked in." Pete and Repeat were sitting on a wall... Michelle: "Like, what am I supposed to do with my dirty clothes? Should I like, put them in with my clean clothes? Ali: How did you fit all those clothes in your suitcase? (Dana Enters -- Michelle continues packing) Dana: How did you fit all those clothes in your luggage? (Jun enters -- Michelle continues packing) Jun: How did you fit all those clothes in your luggage? Michelle: My mom and aunt did my packing. And the Judges Scores are... Jee attempts to be a cool kid and do the old "splasharoo the hamster in the hammock" by doing a cannonball. He nearly missed the pool and almost killed himself. Jun imagines Julie Chen breaking the news: "HG, as you know, Jee had to be hospitalized for severe head trauma." I'm rubber, you're glue.... Jun bitches about how young most of the HG are. She starts calling them "Children of the Corn." Jun of course, is a people person, bright and intelligent. All these kids talk about is High School. Jun is tired of being their mom, having to wake them up and get them to pick up after themselves. Jun wonders if the people at home are wondering "WTF is up with all these high schoolers?" Dana adds "if I hear the word "Like" one more time, I'm going to fucking kill her. Oh honey, you don't know the half of it....

TUNA NEWS -- JULY 22, 2003

Jee the Knight in Shining Armor Lots of Jee talking about Jee and how great Jee is. Jee says Jee is innocent when it comes to being with a woman. Jee says Jee gets lots of offers to cheat but he doesn't. Jee says Jee and Robert and Justin are best friends for life! Jee says Jee is so upright and wonderful he has no respect for the other girls in the house. Jee says he is one strong M'Fo because he put his big Jee foot down and laid down the law and now nobody bothers Jee anymore. Jee says Nate quakes at the sight of the all-powerful Jee. Dana and the Vote Several people are reporting that Dave plans to talk to Dana right before she votes and tell her that everybody is going to vote for Michelle. That way she can be with the E8 or she can be against them. Nothing like a little last-minute pressure. They think letting her in at the last minute keeps her informed of the plan, but gives her no time to run to Robert, Justin or Jee. They are using the "scared straight" routine to keep her in line. Practice makes Perfect Dave, Erika and Jack once again practice for the upcoming HOH competition. House history and small trivial details like the colors of DuckBall ducks. Jack has also noticed that the big camera in the backyard is now gone, and he speculates if the upcoming HOH competition will be endurance rather than mental. Dave's a funny guy Dave talks about his bed-shaking, boot-stompin' night with Amanda. He talks about the different cameras and how he is sure they saw everything. He tells Jack and Erika he is certain they saw.....and then Dave gets up and re-enacts the big spew. I love Dave that he can have a sense of humor about all this. Upcoming HOH Erika expresses her thanks to Jack and Dave for saving her this week. She says if the oily nimrods get HOH next week (meaning Robert or Justin) she is willing to sacrifice herself since they did so much for her this week. More talk about the plan to tell Dana the voting strategy at the last second. Evidently this has seemed to be engineered by Jun, who feels Dana should get a second chance. Jack also plans to soothe the fire hot will of Jee after his vote is totally screwed over tomorrow. He is going to tell Jee that it was Erika that convinced the HG to vote out Amanda instead of Jee. He's so smooth, I'm gonna call him JackDaniels from now on. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk! Evidently Dave has started calling Jee, Robert and Justin the 3 stooges. Dave and Alison talk about Dana and the Stooges. Alison tries to avoid Dana and go in the rooms where she isn't. Dave is amused that the Stooges are trying to offer them numbers they already have. Evidently there is some feeling amongs the JeePs (JeePosse) that the vote will be 4-4 and then the All-Powerful Jee can break the vote and send Erika home. Don't think so.