TUNA NEWS -- JULY 29, 2003

I'm Rubber, You're Glue According to Ali and Nate, the Dark Side calls them the "Stripper" and the "Drag Queen". They also report that Robert lives in a small house in the backyard of his Grandparents house, rent-free. They say Robert's fancy car got reposessed, he got fired from his last job, and has been unemployed ever since. He probably has cooties, too. Hell hath no fury Nate is going for the jugular. He is hitting Jun where it counts...in the kitchen! Nate made bacon for breakfast, which (say it.......SAY IT....) pissed AWF Jun and Dana, who were making sausage. They said he had no right to cook it. Nate plans to do more cooking to piss then AWFFF. I think we're dealing with a real criminal mastermind here. I mean, is bacon-cooking an offensive move, or a defensive move? I can only imagine what is next in this build-up of aggressive breakfast foods. People...stop the madness! Beat 'em back with a spatula Erika offered to cook week one. Jun won't let anyone do any of the cooking. Several HG agree that she isn't that great a cook. See Ya, Wouldn't Want to Be Ya Dave wants to figure out how to "go out with a bang". I guess I thought he achieved that week one. But I digress. Erika suggests shouting "Bye ManTroll!!" Don't Tug on Superman's Cape OK -- note to faithful readers. I am not going to recap verbatim this inane conversation about Viagra, because it's vile. If you think Robert was a slime, let me just say it was nothing compared to this conversation. However, I have extracted a few tidbits for your early morning mockery. Rob No matter how I describe it, it doesn't compare to how it is....Some call it the cape....you were just like Superman...it's just....Dude....you're the Man! Jee But can you live up to it afterwards? Rob No. Jee Why would I want to do that....Alright, hit me off one, I'll try it. Rob Your chick's going to think you suck after that, Dude. He Said, She Said Much rating and ranking of the HG by our illustrious panel of Jun, Dana, Jee and Justin. Girls say Robert is a 5 on looks, but personality bumps him up to a 7. Girls say sometimes Erika looks like a man. Girls say Ali's thighs are too thick. Guys say Michelle is hot. Guys say Amanda was "hot" and "slammin." Girls say Amanda was too skinny. You could see her spine. Pica or Elite? The Dark side discusses their dating "type". Jee doesn't like skinny girls. Robert will "never go white" Justin says you can't do it without a personality Not exactly a role-model Stories about drug testing. Dana says at the Karate School they don't have drug testing. Dana says they would die if they KNEW (don't they know now??). Dana says once she knew she had a drug test the next morning. She drank a bottle of vinegar to cover up the pot smoking. They nearly called an ambulance, and sent her home sick. She avoided the test. Justin says he had a friend who ate a cotton ball with Clorox. Jee says he went to his neighborhood GNC for some stuff. Final Words Justin says when Julie Chen asks him about how he feels having his ex saved by the veto, he'll say "I think Nathan is a fucking asshole." Jee says Ali is going to look like a giant Ho on TV. Erika says she would pay money to see Ali deck Dana. Dana (Hands down best line so far) "I guess people with no personality hang with people with no personality." Truer words were never spoken.