TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 16, 2004

It's the Monday morning edition of the Tuna News. Backstabbing, paranoia and tears are the name of the game today, so sit back, grab a box of tissue and sing another verse of ... "IT'S ONLY A GAME" CURRENT SCORECARD HoH - Adria Nominated - Will and Marvin Who Von Veto - Adria CURRENT ALLIANCES Oh Shit Alliance - Will, Karen, Nakomis Oh Shit We Need More People Alliance - Will, Karen, Nakomis AND Diane Power Twins Alliance - Adria, Natalie, Diane Drew Mole Alliance - Natalie and Cowboy Paranoid Alliance - Diane and everybody else in the house One is the loneliest Number Alliance - Marvin This is the story in a nutshell: 1. Will and Marvin are up, and then Adria goes and wins Power of Veto. Will scrambles to make sure Adria WILL NOT use the veto. Will fears Adria would take down Marvin and put up Nakomis. Nakomis vows heretofore unseen vengeance with lots of poop in the HoH bed. 2. Meanwhile...Will, Karen and Nakomis spend a lot of time talking to Diane and telling her all their secret alliance plans. They feel it would be stupid to keep Marvin in the house. They feel that when they win HoH next week, they would nominate Adria and Natalie, forcing one of them to leave the house. 3. Meanwhile...The Power Twins Alliance is very strong. Adria and Natalie talk a lot of smack while they have the safety of HoH. Diane repeats EVERYTHING the Oh-Shit alliance has told her. Diane admits that she has "both teams in her hand." The current plan is to let the vote be a 3-3 tie, leaving Adria to break the tie and she would vote out ... WILL. 4. Meanwhile...Natalie and Cowboy have a meeting of the minds (such that it could possibly be). Cowboy likes nothing better than to spill his gut and tell what every single person has ever said to him about anybody else. Cowboy also goes on and on and on about honor and playing by your word which is exactly what Natalie wants to hear. Natalie tells Cowboy she trusts him, and sends him forth to find out what everybody else is saying. Cowboy is thankful that at least one person in the house will speak to him. Natalie knows that there's nothing like an honorable foot soldier to go into battle and do your dirty work... 5. Meanwhile...In order for the Power Twins Alliance NOT to look suspicious while they strategize in the HoH room, Diane leaves first and Drew leaves later. Diane, of course, has an entire breakdown, because Drew was in the HoH Room FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR (OH MY GOD!!) after she left. 6. Meanwhile...Marvin is just blowin' in the wind. KING OF THE ONE-LINERS The hamsters play golf outside, with Marvin providing the commentary. He calls Drew "Johnny Quest, he calls Diane "The Former Stripper" and he calls Natalie "Camel Toe." We now join the game in progress... Marvin: "Here she is...The Ex-stripper (Diane) that gives it up easier than penny slots in Las Vegas. Here she is...The Ex Stripper who is easier than first grade!" Diane: "Where do you come up with these things?" Marvin: "I got a million of them. At least enough until next Thursday." Cowboy: "So she stripped in first grade?" Marvin: "Keep up, Cowboy. Keep up." HAMSTER INTERPRETATION From a conversation with Natalie and Cowboy: Cowboy: "The majority of my life when I've been told something it never happened. My mom would promise to take us places but it never happened. It hurt. She would have excuse for everything. So I took that and I learned from it. So when I say I'm going to do something, I do it. (Interpretation) I wanted to go on the pony rides. She promised me I could go on the pony rides. But...I didn't go on the pony rides and now I'm scarred for life and I align myself with anybody that reminds me of the pretty, pretty ponies....WAAAAHHHH! Natalie: Just take a deep breath (Interpretation: Mwahahahaha! Perrrrfect!) make good prayers about it (Interpretation: Jesus love me. This I know...) and relax about it. Things will fall as they should. (Interpretation: We'll kick you out of this house when we're done with you) Be comfortable with where you are right now. (Interpretation: Moles are your friend) It can either break you or make you. (Interpretation: "It" meaning "I" in this case) I think that's the best place you can be rather than freaking out (Interpretation: So Quit Your Moaning, and go find out something useful) Cowboy: I'm just glad to have somebody take me in that I can talk to. (Interpretation: Because Scott isn't here anymore and he was my Daddy and we'd take baths together, and I bet HE WOULD TAKE ME ON A PONY RIDE and well, nobody likes me.) Cowboy: "Again, I thank y'all for trusting me." (Interpretation: Because The BB House is located on Shit Creek, and I haven't got a paddle.) FEAR FACTOR Nakomis talks about her biggest fear, which is the fear of midgets (oh the irony!). She says, "Animals don't bother me. Bugs don't bother me. George Bush sorta bothers me, but he could be considered sub-human. THEY SAID IT Adria: (in reference to helicopters flying overhead) "I think they're spotlighting Jase trying to get back in!" Karen: "She (Adria) hates everybody, like literally, except Cowboy and her sister. She likes Cowboy because he is pliable, like Goo."