TUNA NEWS -- July 17, 2007

Another day in ye olde Big Brother House. Despite the POV ceremony and the Joe being hoisted onto the block by his own petard (origin of phrase HERE) not a single chair went flying across the kitchen. But never fear intrepid readers, there is alway something mock-worthy to report, so let's get at it! Kail Sucks Up Kail gives Dani and lays it on like a thick slop bikini. Danielle is a trooper! Danielle won Veto twice! Danielle has been on slop for two weeks! Danielle overcame stuff and now look...she's happy! I'd Like to Buy A Clue Jen is a nanny to Vanna White's children, proving that to succeed you just have to be smarter than your charges. In this case, it's probably a horse race. Stay Away From My Boyfriend Jen claims that if you Google "Hot Bikini Model" she is the #2 answer. Well, she's not, but I believe I did find her HERE where my favorite part of the page is the list of things she enjoys, which include traveling, eating dessert, swimming, sleeping, talking, shopping, and trying new things. The TunaNews wonders if she would enjoy trying new things if those new things included any activity that was not self-centered. Say What? Take One Jessica starts talking about Chernobyl, GERMANY. The hamsters correct her and tell her it's not Germany, It's RUSSIA. Jessica doesn't believe them. GreenTuna sends Jessica a map and a fishnet radiation suit. Oh, and a curling iron. Say What?? Take Two Joe: Eric's votes are always based on logic because he's Jewish and of course he's smart. Teach Your Children Well As the current HoH, Jen isn't about revenge or, well, let's face it, even strategy. She is here to educate the leaders of tomorrow. She explains to Kail and Mike that more people wanted Zach to go than anybody else. Jen, however, has other plans. She wants to keep Zach and "teach him better" so people will like him. 25 or 6 to 4 Jameka breaks down the upcoming eviction vote: "It's going to be 2-to-8, 5-to-5 or 4-to-6. Help Me, Joe-bi-Wan Kenobi Danielle complains that Joe is putting pressure on her trying to get her vote, by telling her she is his only hope. Great Expectations Nick explains to Danielle his reason for being in the game. He says he doesn't want to win the money (GreenTuna: Then WHY ARE YOU THERE?). He wants to be seen as the noble lad who is going to look out for people. Being the noble lad that he is, he then proceeds to tell Danielle that he "fucking hates Jen" and when she talks he just wants to "shoot himself in the head." GreenTuna is not at all convinced that those are sanctioned activities in the Noble Lad Handbook. Joe's Quick Tips On How Not to Win Friends and Influence The Vote 1. Half-assed chit-chat All I ask is for the house guest's honesty. 2. Non-believable deal making Even if you don't vote for me and I manage to stay, I'm not coming after you. 3. Blaming Others for your demise This is totally shitty. This would have been an entirely different game if you weren't here. 4. Misplaced Pity that isn't All I see is the sad little boy from two years ago. 5. Outright Name-calling You're a lonely old hag in a rocking chair. 6. And a cherry on top Enjoy the bitterness and disgust. You've become everything you despise. Point-Counterpoint Amber thinks that she and Dustin are just like Mike Boogie and Dr. Will. Dick says, "I don't believe Will or Boogie cried for two days when they were put on the block.