TUNA NEWS -- JULY 20, 2005

Tuesdays in the BB House are days of super-boredom. No competitions, no voting, no nothing. So, if there isn't a brawl, then there isn't that much to talk about. Still in all, a few tidbits did manage to swim by for your reading enjoyment. CALLING MRS. BUTTERWORTH Rachel makes pancakes, or at least, tries to make pancakes. Her first attempt was a Mickey Mouse pancake, but the ears were deformed. She made another pancake and claimed it was a ghost because it "had a tail." Then she attempted a cactus-shaped pancake but put too much batter in the pan causing it to run together. Eric says, "It looks like a cactus ... or Gumby. SHADES OF GRAY The unified boot-Michael-out front isn't quite as unified as you might think. Rachel and James talk, and James admits he'd rather vote for Janelle, thinking her to be far more dangerous. But James admits that it would be foolish to go against the entire house, saying, "I think if it comes back to bite me, I'll be the one sitting in the Principal's Office." He admits that Eric doesn't want to hear of anybody doing anything other than voting for Michael, and he and Rachel both agree that Michael wasn't at fault in the fight with Eric and that Eric was out of line. PHILOSOPHY OF FALSEHOODS Maggie, James and Sarah discuss James' (fictitious) job teaching 9th grade philosophy. Maggie says, "I didn't know they had Philosophy in Grade 9. James covers by saying, "It's for gifted kids." INTRODUCING: MAGGIE Maggie, the Emergency Room Nurse, and Eric's sometimes not-so-secret partner plays a fairly quiet game. (She is so quiet, in fact, the only quote The Tuna News could dig up on Maggie from yesterday was, 'I Smell.'). Ivette, however, has no use for Maggie whatsoever. Ivette is gunning for Maggie to be nominated, and Eric attempts to diffuse the situation. Later Ivette tells Beau that she thinks Maggie is "butch." Ivette says Maggie always wants information but never shares. Ivette HATES that! Ivette also expresses her distrust of Maggie to James. James says, "Don't say that in front of Eric. Just get off the subject for a few weeks until I do my research." ALTERNATE STRATEGIES: THE NOT GAY GAY GUY James says, "I realize I should have come into the house as a gay man." Howie agrees, saying, "Yah, you could have touched all the boobies." James says, "The first few days, when everyone thought I was gay, I should have run with it." In case James didn't hear the first time, Howie says (again), "You could have been touching all the boobies...." ALTERNATE STRATEGIES: THE PEEING PUPPY The Tuna News has decided that Howie is employing the "Peeing Puppy" strategy. Say you get a new puppy and the puppy pees all over the house. "Bad Puppy!" You cry. You smack the puppy's nose but then cuddle it because it's so damn cute, and well...it's a PUPPY! Who can hate a PUPPY? That is Howie. HOWIEISMS Howie: (Seeing Rachel lying on her stomach on the bed) "That is one of my favorite positions. So if the girl isn't that cute, you don't have to look at her..." Howie: "I'm used to being in the boobie zone. When I'm not in the boobie zone, I feel uncomfortable." Howie: (To Michael) "You have amazing willpower. If I had that buxom blonde next to me, I would have sucked her teeth out by now." Howie: "Sarah, those are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boobies." THEY SAID IT BB: "Ivette, please put on your mic." Ivette: Does it NOT look like I have it on? GAWD!" James: "Howie, Your website probably has a big question mark on it. It's just like WTF??" Ivette: "I really hope that God shines down on me and helps me beat Janelle." THE HOWIE AND KAYSAR SHOW Howie: Kaysar, you're one of the best looking guys in the house. Definitely top 6! Kaysar: Do we even HAVE six guys? Howie: I think so! Howie: Kaysar, I didn't grab at you last night, did I? Kaysar: No, but you snorted in my ears! LET'S MAKE A DEAL Eric is more than a little unhappy (approximately three sardine sandwiches worth) that BB has refused to give them alcohol since their drunken brawl over the weekend. He talks to BB and tries to trade alcohol for another food group (that they won in the food competition). BB says no, but says, "You're always thinking!" NOBODY SAID BB WAS EASY The Houseguests, particularly Ivette, declare that there will be NO sex talk for the next 48 hours. Someone says, "Howie is probably crying by now." Howie says he wants to nominated anyone who voted for this idea. Finally Howie tells Beau, "This is BB6! We'll talk about whatever we want! If I don't get any boobies, I'm gonna TALK about them!" HOWIE ON HOWIE "Howie the funny guy...Howie the disgusting guy...Howie the philanthropist...Howie the tyrant. You know, everyone's got their mixed emotions, opinions and variations and they're entitled to it. I don't care what Bob Lee in Southern Alabama thinks of me, not what Jerry Feinberg in the Boston area thinks of me, not what Billy Bob in Utah or North Dakota thinks of me. You think I give a rat's behind what some religious, moral, ethical family in the middle, southern and northern thinks of me? I'll never meet them! JANELLE ON BEAU Beau: You and I are like two sisters. Janelle: We're like two little princesses. MICHAEL ON EVERYONE Since he's leaving soon, better give him some press while we still can. Michael offers Janelle his rundown on all the Hamsters on SARAH: Comes from a normal family. Suburban lifestyle. Probably some junior college. Very independent, yet extraordinarily indecisive. on BEAU: Tries to sound more worldly than he is. Loves being gay and flaunts it. Sneaky, but means well. Really likes superficial friendships. on IVETTE: Feels her family has been targets all her life. Comes from a troubled background. Has a strong resentment and jealousy towards other. She believes she is strong, but is very weak. on ERIC: He struggled his whole life for being little. Took steroids to feel better. Looks for any type of comfort zone and security from people, which is why he became a firefighter. Cannot think for himself. on JAMES: Raised in a stern family. Strict parents, no love. Feels as if he's fought for opinions. He knows a bunch of useless information to back up his "facts." Sore loser. on MAGGIE: Goodhearted. Blessed background. Strong and secure. Astute, bright and sweet. Likes to help people. on RACHEL: Book smart. Sharp. Good reader. Outdoorsy person. Lonely with few friends. Not a risk-taker. on APRIL: She likes to say she is a "good girl" but is really a nympho. She is jealous if she is not the center of attention. She is quick to reprimand others. Bitter. on JENNIFER: Extremely insecure. Untrustworthy. Meandering through life with no direction. Hoping for a Prince Charming, but will settle for anyone. Probably some psychological disorders in the family. on KAYSAR: Probably the brightest person in the house. Strong set of morals and values. Truthful and trustworthy. on HOWIE: Has no shame. Mischievous child. Personality shows what a great guy he is. Loves life and is never truly unhappy. on JANELLE: Has always been beautiful. She knows how to control people and uses beauty, although she is very bright even without looks. Never stays in one occupation more than a year. on MICHAEL: Tremendous temper. Has the ability to grow. Extremely unusual childhood. Always searching to improve himself. Knows everybody, but is alone in the world.