TUNA NEWS -- JULY 30, 2003

Mine is Too Tall The hamsters were busy last night trying to peek outside when they were on lockdown. There was construction outside, and it seemed (or they thought) they were building a much taller platform for the "Blue Balls" competition. Dana says "look how high that shit it" and although BB told them they could practice tonight, none of the hamsters feel they can. Dana thinks the whole thing is a decoy. I think yeah, you're right, because they would pay a crew a boatload of money to construct something just to trick you. Hell, Dana, they could point to the sky and yell "look at that fucking bird" and trick you. Is that a trick question? Speaking of tricks. Ali was asked in the DR who she thought had gained the most weight in the house. Duh. Quotes spawned from hell Jun "They (Dave and Ali) better not be hooking up in the Desert room. If someone deserves it, it's me. Jun "Nate looked cute in that ski cap." Ali (to Nate) "We need to start being evil" Nate "I'm tired of being the nice guy in the house" Justin "Shut the fuck up Jee!" (who evidently was snoring very loudly) We All Know What Assume Means Nate and Ali are certain that Dave is staying tomorrow. Why? Because everybody and their mother has told them that he is leaving. So, he must be staying, right? Ali also made the observation in the DR that she is innocent and she doesn't lie. BB asked her why *not* ?? Addenda--Nate told Ali that he "almost cried in the shower" when he saw Jack blow drying his hair. At this point my mind splinters into a million different directions, each one ending with a punchline and a ba-DUMP-bump drum crash. Nate is sad because Jack looked disappointed to be going home. Nate? It's a good thing you aren't the brains of the operation. More Proof That Robert's An AssHat Robert says before he gets married he is going to have someone follow his chick for a month. That's love. Flashes of insight Ali asks Erika if she thinks Nate might be gay. Erika says no. Ali says he kisses me on my hand. It reminds Ali of her brother. Dana makes a nearly astute observation about Jee. She says Jee thinks women are shit and he assumed he would run the entire house. ...And then the crosses fell off the wall Robert went to Catholic School. Justin went to public school, but has been confirmed. Dana says a prayer at Mach 10 speed. Says her mother made it up when she was little. Slow it down and play it backwards -- it is a love sonnet to Beelzebub. Parting Shots from HOH We couldn't let the week go by without some parting words of our very own Miss Sybil, Dana. Pick your favorite personality! "I am such a good person." "I am going to let this go, and stop trying to react." "I am going to kill everyone with kindness tomorrow." ~~followed by~~ "This mo'fo is talking shit about me. He's got balls." "This has become the Dana vs. Nathan Show" "I filled up all the drawers (in the orange striped room) and I'll make him miserable."