TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 28, 2003

Things may be disappearing from the BB House, but the TunaNews will *never* go away! (Insert evil laugh and flashing lightning). Did Jun get lost on her way to the DR? Did the spice rack ever come back? Will Jee and Robert ever take responsibility for their actions? (No, Dunno, and Monkeys + My Butt) Let's find out. TV Clubhouse And Honor Flew Out the Window In the rolling hills and valleys of Sour Grapeland, Jee and Robert pout like babies. Jee complains that he doesn't want to be with "those people." Robert stamps his big bozo feet and says he is eating outside tonight. He doesn't give a fuck what they say. Not surprisingly, when the food showed up, they all sat together. Inside. At the table. It's a Small World After All In between bites of Thai food being shoved down her gullet, Ali says being in this house has exposed her to all sorts of different foods and cultures. She said before BB, the only place where she had experienced something like this was Disneyland. Apocalypse Ahoy Robert tells Jee he is going to have to apologize to Ali. Robert says he was a dick. Jee tells Robert he doesn't have to do that. He says "you were upset. She did somethng that was fucked up. She coulda told us the truth." Do You Hear that Big Sucking Sound Jee says "I don't wanna go in there (inside) right now. The vibe...it sucks." You know Jee, that's how most of us feel everytime we boot up the feeds. Don't Try to Understand Them, Just Hate Them Ali says she doesn't understand why Robert is so incredibly angry. She says it was a shitty thing to do (switch her vote) but "I didn't kill his children!" In the land of the delusional BB puts the hamsters on Indoor lockdown. In between the "where the hell is Jun" comments, Jee says he was so homesick he thought that maybe Carmen will be coming through the door. Yeah, because Jee didn't win enough prizes last week, he gets a personal visitor to boot. Because Jee is just that kind of upstanding, honest respectful kinda guy. Except not. Jun's Missing BB posts a "Missing" poster with Jun's face on it. I can't read any of the text though, sorry. If somebody can enlarge the picture without losing the integrity of the text, it is posted at tvclubhouse.bomis.com/discus/messages/10972/1100055.html?1062050429 near the bottom of the page. Sometimes the hamsters think they hear her. Ali guesses that figuring out where Jun is will be the prize for the food competition. Jee complains with Jun gone, nobody will make the coffee. Or the doughnuts, probably. In the land of the Delusional. Chapter Two For some reason, the hamsters have a real Kum-ba-yah moment and talk together about the game and their strategy and their alliances. Erika says when she and Jack talked, 95% of the time it was about life, not about the game. Jee tells Erika her alliance has done really well, considering they have only won one competition. Robert says "not to sound cocky (*COUGH*), but none of you could win against me. We all know where we're at." Deciphering the Clue Ali and Erika guess "Big Apple" right away, but without more information, they don't know exactly where Jun would be. Erika asks "what else would be Big Apple of Big Fruit?" Ali says "Hanes her way?" Erika says "She's in my pants!" POV winner will be revealed on the Plasma screen on Thursday evening. Jee says "what is this, Amazing Race??" The Anvil of shutthehellupJee and never take the name of Amazing Race in vain CLUNKS Jee on the head, rendering him mute. Ali has been drinking and says "thanks for the clue when I am wasted." Counting the Anvils of Irony Ali She'll be back tomorrow. CLUNK Robert Part of the game is she has to live in the house. CLUNK Jee Let's rule out event. That's unfair because we couldn't know events. CLUNK Erika Internet watchers are fans of the show. They love the show...they love the cast.... CLUNK Parting Shots The Hamsters guess Jun was blindfolded when she left the house. Erika says "she liked that, too!" This is a Prize? Ali asks Erika where she thinks Jun is. Erika says "I don't know dude. She's probably watching us. Maybe it was 'win the chance to watch the Houseguests for an hour.' " Later Ali thinks that she had better eat a lot tonight because Jun probably accepted an offer to leave the house and put them on PB&J. Last Chance? Last Dance? Ali is sure this week is the last POV competition. Erika asks her how she knows. Ali says because Marcellus had the last POV and there were 5 HGs left. Ali and Erika decide they are both going to go for POV because they aren't sure what Jun is doing and they don't want to be used as pawns. Wishlist All Hamsters have to write down three items they would like for the food competition. Jee tells the girls to make sure it is something everybody will like. The hamsters all notice Jun's name is not on this list. Final Anvil Moment Jee "The Internet fans know us how we really are." CLUNG. Parting Shot Robert says when he leaves the house, he is going to leave a pair of his underwear with peanut butter smeared in the ass for Jun.