TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 27, 2003

Yes, indeedy, it's the Wednesday Humpy Eviction Day Edition of the Tuna News. What excitement awaits today? What nuggets of fun and information? What pieces of drivel so insignificant you thought you missed them the first time, but oh no, they're back? Will Jee lose his honorable ways and talk badly about someone? Will Robert cease being the charming gentleman that he is and do something personally vile? Did Jack and Erika have a farewell fling? Read it all here! TV Clubhouse I'm King of the World! (glug glug glug) Jee isn't going down without a fight. He tells Robert the whole game has been a fight, a battle for them. He says the whole game has been that way for them (JeeBert). Jee is fucking exhausted and tired. Robert and Jee decide since they are the strongest in the game, they won't win. They say the weak players get together and vote the strong ones out. It happened the past two years, they rationalize. The Tuna starts humming "Nearer My God To Thee" as the good ship JeeBert heads for that great big iceberg over there. No Pressure. Just Threatening Persuasion Jee and Robert talk to Ali. Keep in mind; they are not pressuring her at all. No, no, not at all. Jee tells Ali there is "no pressure. You make a decision, and it's final. No threat to you." Jee tells Ali he could have taken Jacks suggestion to take somebody down and put Ali up instead. Robert says "Yeah, we have a goal, and if you vote against us, you're gonna mess us up." Jee says, "I'm not pressuring you. There's no pressure, Ali." Calling Dr. Daniels...Dr. Jack Daniels... Ali is feeling the pressure (see above). She says she needs to see Dr. Zachary. She goes around the house killing bugs, and she mutters "time to see Dr. Zachary." She says she is paranoid. She says her mind isn't working right. Dr. Robert says "try not to think about life and stuff until you get out." After 1-life and 2-stuff ... what's left? Ali in Training Ali talks tough (when she feels like it). She says if she met Robert in a bar, she'd "kick him in the nuts". Ali tells the other girls that they will have to fight her for HOH. Erika tells her she can have it if she wants it. Ali says no, she wants them to have it, but they'll have to fight her for it. Later Ali whines about poor people vs. rich people, and says that people like Donny should have been picked for the show. Ali says "If Jun wins, she'll spend the money on drugs and garbage." Later, Ali attacks Jeebert (behind their back, of course). "Stupid jerk-offs. Don't fuck with me. I fucking trained for this. Don't think you're going to throw me off. Little bastards." I wanna hold your hand Jun does the Tuesday night manicure ritual with all the HGs. Jee comes in and politely says "it's been a long day, huh Jack?" Jack recounts his day to Jee, and says "I got to hold Jun's knee while she did my nails." Jun answers "don't think I didn't notice that, Jack." Girl Power!! Ali "Because I have tits, they think I'm fucking stupid." Jack "I'm bloated and I have terrible cramps. Jun "That's not funny. You'll never know how it feels to be a girl." And So I Face the Final Curtain Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence....No, actually Jee and Robert were talking, but it's not like we haven't heard it all before. I can't resist though. It's so very Jee... 1. "I am going hard for veto next week. I'll make them shit in their pants." 2. "Money doesn't mean shit to me. What I value is a girl who fucking loves me to death. And my family. I didn't kiss ass to nobody. I just want to see my girl. That's my prize." 3. "Sometimes it's important not to talk about the game. I miss my girl. I want to go home. It's been a long time that we've been away from civilization." 4. "I don't want to walk out. I'm not a quitter." 5. "I was humble the second week. I won't be smacked in the face again." 6. "I can see Erika or Jun winning this game. Ali, I just can't. If she wins, I'll question life a little bit. It will bother me." 7. "Fuck it. Whatever happens. When Jun goes through her depressive moods, I sympathize -- not to badmouth her -- but she's so damn conceited...." Logic - Take One In the JeeBert attempt to pressure Ali to bow to their whims, Jee gives her the works. Jee tells Ali not to trust Jun to vote to evict Erika. Jee says "we're all going through stuff, my nicotine, Jun's period. You're probably hearing things from both sides. Think of who has been true to their alliance. Think about who's been honest to you, and who hasn't. When I said I kept you safe, I have." Logic - Take Two Robert does the math. He tells Jee "Anyone of the three girls against you, and you'll win. Anyone of the three girls against me, and I'll win. That's a fact." Gone, but never forgotten After Jee and Robert attempt to strongarm Ali to their plan, she rants long and loud at Erika and Jun. Ali says "I haven't been this mad since Dana was in the house." Ali's BB Training Revealed She says she trained to come into the house. She says she ate Peanut Butter without bread for a whole week just to prepare herself. Great Quotes BB "Houseguests. This is an outdoor lockdown." Ali "Why can't you take our shit one time? Ali "You want to bring it? I'll fucking tear you apart by a blonde girl. I don't even know which one I'm more mad at." Jee "I hate this live voting shit." Ali "The only thing I really regret is not giving Nathan a sympathy vote." Ali "We can get Robert out by driving him nuts so he'll voluntarily leave. We'll ignore him." Robert "Jun is immature and conceited. She couldn't even walk next to the girls I know." (Tuna says yes, streetcorners can be crowded...)