TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 20, 2003

It's Not Your Father's Oldsmobile The Stooges begin their pre-eviction day pumping up of their sad, tired selves. The usual cliches are trotted out for airing: Anything could happen...It's our chance...fucketyfuckety fuck fuck fuck (thanks Jee). Justin says he can't wait for tomorrow's competition. He says he'll be watching close. Um, from where? Does Justin think there is gonna be a TV in the back seat of the 1986 Yugo that is going to drive him to Sequesterville for his unholy reunion with Dana on CBS Studio Lot Number 666? Yeah, he probably does. Tool. Taking Out the Head Jack, Erika and Jun talk of the impending eviction. Jun reports that Robert "jammed all his stuff in there" (suitcase) because he knows he isn't going anywhere. Jack thinks Robert is going to choke tomorrow night at the HOH competition. I hope he's right but this seems to be a case of "it takes one to know one," Jacko. Jun says with Justin being evicted we are "taking out the head, but the right hand and left hand will still be here." Funny, I thought we were left with two dicks. Dude Jee and Justin have a conversation of no interest whatsoever, except that they start every sentence with "Dude." We have to give Jee some credit here. It is one step up from starting every sentence with "fuck". Unholy Alliance Robert and Erika are outside practicing Bocce Ball. Robert confirms with Erika that their discussions are private. Erika says yes. Robert says that things get around, and he wants to make sure she isn't going to talk about any of their conversations. Robert tells her to keep rolling the Bocce balls so nobody will think they are discussing strategy. Ask Sherman Williams In an effort to reduce their overstock of body paints left over from Survivor, BB passes them out to the hamsters. Somebody (including the Tuna) asks why, and Erika says "for fun." So, much body painting commences, with the girls decorating Ali. This is the crap we don't recap Ali hasn't gone to the bathroom all day. Erika and Jun haven't gone to the bathroom all day. In other news, Robert exits the HT and Ali yelled that she saw his "winkie." Yep, you heard it here, folks. Return to your lives, citizens. Food, Glorious Food At midnight the 24 hour PB&J day ends. The hamsters are ravenous and the thought of food pumps up the moronic level ten-fold. Jee says pretty soon they will eat and then tomorrow they'll kick ass. Ali says she is "such a meat eater for a girl." GreenTuna drops a punchline anvil on Ali's reddish blondish brownish hair. Final Thoughts Jee "Those were some big ass burgers, eh Jack?" WC Summit Jee and Justin talk about Justin's upcoming eviction. Jee asks him what the Chenbot will ask him in his interview. Justin says he doesn't know. Justin wonders how long it will be before he "gets to sequestering." Just across the studio lot, there buddy. Jee says "they put you in a car, and then you're gone." Jee's been watching too much "for love or money." Jee thinks Ali and Jun annoy, and that they'll both throw the HOH competition tomorrow. The Super Secret Plan Jack, Erika and Jun decide to plan seeds of paranoia in Ali's less than fertile brain. They are going to start a rumbling campaign saying the Stooges are going to vote her out next week. The logic being Ali will become paranoid and stay with Jack, Erika and Jun. Strategerie [tm W], Bocce Style Jun and Jee outside practicing Bocce Ball. Jee says he or Robert needs to win HOH, but he is pissed that Robert isn't practicing very much. Jun tells Jee "Robert is going to ride in your back pocket and make you do all the work." Jee calls Robert a "stupid shit." Jee tells Jun he knows she isn't going to go for HOH, but if she wins accidentally, what will she do? Jun says put up Jee and Robert, but if somebody uses Veto, put up Ali. Jee isn't too thrilled with this plan. Honey, This Is No Way To Win Miss Congeniality Let the Nate bashing begin! Ali tells Justin to tell Nate "hi" in sequesterville. Robert and Justin tell Ali all the bad things Nate said about her right before he left -- he regrets ever meeting her, if he saw her ever again it would be too soon. At first Ali laughs it off, and then goes for Nate's sequestered jugular. She says she is going to send him (via Justin) a period soaked tampon with the word "fag" written in blood. Recappers Nightmare I love this sentence. Many props to SonofAbraxas over on Jokers Updates: "Erika tells Jack that Jun told Erika that Jee told Ali she was safe." Will Do Reality TV For Food Justin hopes that he is perceived by America as somebody they would like to hire. hee. He doesn't continue to say 'hire for what' so double hee. I have a list. Justin says he knows how America feels about Ali, based on the questions the Chenbot asks her during the live show. Skippy Messin' With the Hamsters Skippy might be my boyfriend again. BB announces that tomorrow will be the live show from hell and then they played a bunch of scary music. The Hamsters all crack up. BB plays more scary music which riles up the hamsters more, even though they are supposed to be going to sleep. Jun says she is scared. Jee reminds her of Korean ghosts. Jun yells "fuck you. Korean ghosts are the worst." Sounds like an afternoon Google investigation for me. Sage Advice BB continues to harp on Jun and her weight gain/weight loss. BB asks Jun if she has any advice for fat Americans. She says "Yeah. Stop eating."