TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 26, 2003

It's a slightly drippy Tuesday Edition of the Tuna News. The News this morning is brought to you by my doughnut, which in the store, had disguised itself as an apple filled doughnut. Once in the office, however, I come to discover the filling is *green*. It's....lime. What other little surprises might be lurking in the BB house? Let's tune in and find out! TV Clubhouse Estrogen Central The perceived super secret power hangs out in the living room discussing their ... popularity! I know, it's hard to believe. They ponder how they are perceived by America. Ali calls Erika the Dream Queen of America: she is nice and pretty and loves animals. Jun supposes she is the "funny, sexy Asian". I suppose 2 out of 3 if you grant a lot of leeway. Like Montana leeway. They tell Ali that she is crazy and a typical pageant queen. Jun says Ali knocks other girls off the stage to win. All three of them agree they are getting more airtime than those "bitches on Shipmates." Some Like It Hot Erika is the one who has been messing around with the thermostat. Robert still hasn't figured it out yet. Later he complains that BB is messing with them. He says he keeps turning down the thermostat. It is the third time that it's set at seventy-fucking-seven degrees. Great Mysteries Revealed Chapter One Ali declares she hates reading and she hates most books. Now I know why I hate Ali. This also explains Ali's literacy campaign stamped all over her ass. Chapter Two Robert once took a shower and shampooed with a bottle of "Summer's Eve". He couldn't figure out why it wasn't lathering. He asked Jun what is was for and she tells him it is a Douche. Chapter Three Michelle thought Pearl Harbor was in California. Teasing the Great and Might Jee Hamsters are on full tease mode with the Jeester. They say BB has awarded him "best microphone maintenance" as well as "Best BB player ever." Jee never takes teasing too well, but what's he gonna do. Leave? Jun also tells Jee his hair looks like a Chia-Pet. Jee protests by saying his HOH CD (Richard Marx) is the most popular one yet. Jun says "don't flatter yourself, dude." Jee, The Two-Faced Wonder Remember Jee? Who said "I'll suffer with you. I'll only eat PB&J with you." Jee is in the kitchen. He makes a bread, mustard and mayo sandwich. He took the sandwich to the HOH room, snuck in some meat, and made a ham and roast beef sandwich. Jee tells Robert how considerate he is (Jee) for not eating in front of others. Evidently Robert doesn't count as Jee eats two sandwiches. And a bag of chips. What a guy. Call it Fair Warning Robert asks Jee if he will promise to send Korean girls his way. Jee say sure thing. Robert. The Most Clueless of All Robert says Erika didn't even care when she was on lockdown. Robert says Erika knows she is going. Just like Justin knew he was going. (Just like Michelle knew she was staying) It's Gonna be a "Michelle" kinda night Jee and Robert harp on Jun telling her not to tell Jack or Erika the vote. They want it to be a "Michelle" night. A total surprise when Erika goes. Jun, Ali and Erika want it to be "Michelle" night when Jee gets hosed again and Jack leaves instead of Erika. Robert says Erika thinks she is staying because all the girls have been so nice to her this week. Jun and Jee and the Super Secret Alliance Jun and Jee still appear to be in cahoots. Jun tells Jee the entire plan of keeping Erika and booting Jack. Jun tells Jee he has to keep his mouth shut to Robert. Jun says if she wins HOH, she would nominate Jee and Robert, with Robert leaving. Jee says if Jack stays and wins HOH, he would nominate Jee and Robert. Jun add "with Robert leaving." Jun says point-blank that Erika is going to stay. Jee says he'll act surprised. Jun tells him that he'd better. She feels Ali will throw HOH. Jun says she'll win HOH. Jee asks her what is she going to tell the other when she leaves the room. Jun says "that we hate each other." Great Quotes Jun "Jee, Every time I see you, I miss Bob more." Where's Justin? Ali says she smells cooking and cigarettes. Robert says he knows that Justin must be "like two houses down from us!" Should I Stay or Should I Go Now Erika and Jack chat in the HT. Erika says she thinks she is going. She asks Jack what he thinks. Jack says he doesn't know. If he had to lean one way, he thinks Erika is going too. Expect the Expected! Jee and Robert confer. Jee asks Robert what he thinks Jun and Ali were talking about? Jee asks what if they have a secret alliance? Robert says "Let's just expect the worst. Erika stays, and we're fucked." Exit, Stage Left Jee tells Robert "all we have to do is fight like a motherfucker to stay in the house." He tells Robert "until you say goodbye to me, you should take the same advice. You should think the exact same way. We didn't come all this way to leave like little bitches." So Vile, It Was Funny Jun asks the girls if Jee and Robert are jacking each other off in the HOH room. Ali says "yeah, they are doing it simultaneously, staring at each other. Right now they are probably both shouting Justin's name." Everybody shrieks with laughter. Even Jack is heard chuckling from the other room.