TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 19, 2003

An HoH Competition worth Studying For Ali, Erika and Jun talk about HOH competitions. Jun says the questions they ask have been lame, and she thinks they should have a "body parts" competition. Jun thinks they should have to match the penis to the Hamster. From Your Mouth to.... Jun is ready for the Hot Tub. She asks Robert if the water is ready. He says it is, and she says she wants to get in and drown. Somebody Help Her? Somebody Help Us! Yes, Jun bared all last night when she was boxing with Jee. Jee, ever the gentleman, turned his back when Jun's towel fell, and yelled "Somebody help her! Somebody help her!" Jun, the hamster who doth protest too much, starts yelling "that wasn't an internet camera. The internet didn't see that." Jun? CLICK! What About ME? Ali, never to be outdone by any other female getting more attention than she is, says later that she dropped her towel, and now "her beaver is going all over the internet." Yes, Ali, please check those pages marked "things we couldn't care less about" (sorry grammarians everywhere ..."things about which we couldn't care less.") The Six Degrees of Mike Booger Of course. It had to be. We all knew it, didn't we? Robert the slimeball knows Mike Boogie. Explains a lot, doesn't it? I would pay money to see Robert show up at the wrap party in baby blue basketball shorts. Ask Your Pharmacist...He Knows Yep. Back to sex talk. The boys are ready for it the instant they get out of the house. Robert promises little blue pills for everyone! He asks Justin if he has ever used one, and Justin says yeah, especially after a night of drinking. Robert says with the blue pills, you won't get whiskey dick. Smoke Gets In Your Butt Ali continues to play both sides. She speaks to Jee about joining "their" alliance. She asks Jee what Robert would do if he got HOH? Jee says he'd put up Jack and Erika to break up their alliance. Ali agrees that she would do the same and then vote to evict "fucking Jack." She asks Jee if Rob will trust her in their alliance. Jee says he thinks so. Jee-Gor turns around and reports all to his master. "Master....Ali asked if she was still in the alliance." Robert says "If she wants to join our alliance, I won't say yes or no. I'll just blow smoke up her butt." Worst-Worst-Worst Case Scenario Justin wonders how far his puppet strings will stretch once he's gone. He discusses various scenarios with the other two Stooges. With Ali and Jun floating from side to side, there is smart conversation from Justin about joining with Jack and Erika to eliminate the floaters. The Stooges feel more threatened by Jack, because they know they couldn't win against him at the end. They also talk about Ali and Jun, whom they feel have splintered into their own alliance. They agree that the worst case scenario is Ali and Jun in the finals. Who would they vote for? They say they would give it to Ali. Parting Shots Robert "If it wasn't for me eating the fucking eyeballs, we wouldn't have had the party today." Nightmare on Robert's Street After BB, Justin is going to come out and live with Robert! Jee and Carmen will visit Robert in the winter. Robert tells them they'll have to sleep on the couch, but don't worry...he's got big couches. Jee will fix them up with a room on Times Square. Learn Your Lessons Well Following the regrettable boxing match with Jun and her too small towel, Ali asks her if she learned her lesson. Jun "Yeah. Don't box after 9:30." Ali "No. Don't box NAKED." Tuna "Amen, Sister." Jun and Jee and the Chamber of Secrets ...otherwise known as the BR. They still appear to be tight, and talk strategy. Jee asks Jun who should go next week, and Jun says "Jack." Jee asks Jun if she would put Jack and Erika up next week and Jun says hell no, she'd put up Robert and Ali. She asks Jee who he'd put up and he says he'd have to go for the obvious...Jack and Erika. Jun asks if she should throw HOH. Jee says no, they all have to go for that shit now. Jun reminds Jee that he would have to cut his ties with Robert and vote him out next week. Jee says he knows. Even Skippy is Against Them Jack and Erika whisper in the kitchen and they realize they can hear the stooges outside. The cameras move, and Erika tells the cameras to stop moving so she can hear them talk. The cameras start moving around again. More Sage Wisdom From Robert Here we go! Robert and Justin tease Jee about his girlfriend, and Jee tells them she probably makes more money than they do. Robert says you can't let that happen. The woman should *never* make more money than the man. They say Carmen will drive the Mercedes, and Jee will drive the Toyota and stay home and watch the kids, because Carmen will be the one supporting the family. Justin asks Robert if he would rather do something he loves for less money, or something he hates for more money. Robert says the guys have to go for the money. BB Rules Jack and Erika discuss some BB rules. Jack wonders why they were not allowed to have watches when there was a clock in the house. Erika wonders why females were not allowed to have lip liner. She says if somebody abuses the lip liner (yeah, I know) by writing messages (oh!) they should be evicted. Jack and Erika. Too cute Erika spends time in BFE to talk to Jack. Finally she says she is going to go. Jack tells her to be careful going home. Erika asks if she should call when she gets there. Jack says "yeah, call me when you get home. I want to make sure you're all right." Meeting of the Minds The Stooges have a late night chat session. Big props here to "Bert" from Jokers. Seems he took down a lot of this conversation from our three resident Einsteins. Topic 1 "Man's Code" ("Don't rat out another man who is cheating") Justin "It's like a rule" Jee "It's a rule and I understand it. So don't worry." Justin "So it's cool even if it's your sister?" Jee "If it's my sister, you get fucking kicked in the nuts." Rob "Why?" Jee "It's a different story. That's my sister....families are never involved." Justin "That's bullshit[/b] Robert "To me, the code applies." Justin "The code...The code...You can't make up your own rules." Robert "If I caught my sister's boyfriend cheating on her, I would say 'just make sure she doesn't find out.' I would never tell her." Jee "You stupid shit. Shut the fuck up." Topic 2 "The Internet" Jee (To Justin) "Fucking retard....Not after what the fucking internet people heard about you. Commitment issues." Justin "Anybody who's sitting there watching us on the Internet isn't worth anything." Jee "Oooo damn, that's gonna hurt your ratings." Justin "Yeah, my website sucks. I mean, right now, at this hour. And...And I love all my viewers." Jee "You fucking try to make things better now. This is crazy man, some of us have followers and shit, you know, we have a following." Topic 3 "Messages in the Sky" Justin "What about the people doing the skywriting?" Jee "Yeah, come on, there are some groupies out there." Justin "That own airplanes and shit." Jee "That's crazy, bro." Robert "I bet we'll see one in the next two weeks." Jee "Yeah, Justin will send one." Why? Because We Like You Jee goes on ad nauseum for the billionth time about his "girl". She's great, she's awesome. Jee doesn't cuddle with her...she comes to him because "he sleeps the way he sleeps." He tells the stooges she comes to him and he snores his fucking head off. He says "she handles it...she takes it." Jee says he asks her why she doesn't wake him up, and she says it's ok, she just wants him to sleep. Jee concludes by saying "when a girl tells you something like that, that shit is hot, no? Truer Words Were Never Spoken Erika "These are kids we're dealing with, Jack. Just think, when we were 21, 22, we didn't know our ass from our elbow either.