TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 29, 2003

It's Friday! It's Friday! It's Friday! Not rain, nor students, nor campus traffic, no added police officers to enforce the speed limits on holiday weekends can dampen my spirits. It's Friday, and it's time for the News du Tuna. With Jun taking a side trip, could anything fun have happened in the house? Probably not, but we can always make something up, right? Next on the Food Channel: Kitchen Smackdown With Jun gone, Erika takes over the kitchen. They seem to have found, and Erika remembers how to use kitchen utensils. On the menu? Tuna sandwiches. BTW, TinyTuna makes a mean can of Spaghetti-O's. Just saying. Jee gets the ingredients. Robert eats the food and declares it is good. Ali says she likes Tofu Popsicles. Please, somebody tell me that is a joke, because it's the grossest thing I've ever heard. Erika wants to make milk out of cream, and Jee calls it "Ghetto Milk." Where's Waldo? The HG get to see a clip of Jun at the MTV awards. Jee guessed the Space Needle in Washington. Robert guessed "Space Mountain" (Isn't that a ride at Disneyland??). They know the girls got it right. Robert turns his excitement for Jun and his prize into a MeMeMeMe solo, as he says "if they know Jun, then they must know US!!! Yes, HONNNNKbert, unfortunately that is true, but I've been promised that electro-shock therapy can reverse the damage. Jealousy-Cakes Erika "I get the Clambake from Hell, and she gets the MTV awards??" Ali "Jun gets a bodyguard and I'm stuck in this house??" Ali "I got ripped off." Erika "That's some crazy shit. I don't want to talk about this in the DR for awhile." Ali "I'd be fucking happy in a hotel room right now." Ali "Take away from my fucking spotlight. Jun can't complain about not being in the spotlight ever again." Ali "It's beyond awesome. No wonder they gave us a fucking Continental Breakfast this morning. It's Horseshit." Always Look on the Bright Side of Light (whistle whistle) Still smarting over the fact that Jun is there and they aren't, they try to think positively. Jee says, "what if it were Jack?" and they all laugh. Ali says, "we had a good day today, though, guys." Erika says, "We jumped in some balls. Come on, it doesn't get much better than that!" Ali concludes, "we're so pathetic." Amen. Jee and Robert. Together Again Since our Jee and Robert tirades appear to be drawing to a close, we must take every advantage to hear their repetitive Tony Robbins Stuart Smiley Arnold Schwarzenegger Motivational Self Help Pump You Up Drivel. Jee has played the game with honor. Jee tells Robert to keep fighting. Robert says it won't be the same in the house without Jee. Robert says even if he only wins second place, he's going to fly Jee down to visit him. Jee says he's done his best and that's good enough. He has no regrets. Jee says what hurts in this game is the players that think they are the strongest physically or mentally..say for example Justin or RODDY or Jee (oh my!)...if you let all your talent out in the beginning, you are out. Jee says it's not for guys like Justin or me to win this game. Excuses, Excuses Jee says he should have known, but he realized it in the end that Jun was at the MTV awards. I bet that happen just as they flashed it on the screen. Robert says he doesn't even own basic cable. Erika and Robert Robert says if he wins HOH next week he's putting up Jun. Erika asks "and who else" and Robert says he doesn't know. Robert says of the three girls, he'd rather see Erika win (HA). Erika and Robert talk about Jun's schedule once she got to New York. Robert is pretty amazed they would fly her all the way out there. Hamsters start getting called into the DR for a fairly lengthy session. Erika says they have to talk about what it felt like, knowing Jun was in NY. Jee Makes an Actual Funny Jee walks into the LR with a plate of fruit that he drops all over the floor. Erika says she hates it when that happens. Jee says he's going to take it back to the kitchen and wash it off...he doesn't want to waste it. Erika says "God made dirt and dirt don't hurt." Jee answers "It's not dirt though, it's lint...... And God didn't make lint." And What's Wrong With TUNA? Erika beats herself up with a Tuna Can. She mutters in the kitchen ""she's at the frickin' MTV music awards and I'm here making tuna fish! Stupid! stupid! Just one question. SEASHELL, silly, SEASHELL! " Spotlight Stealing 101 The Hamsters suggest they all get naked and have sex. Someone says "This will definitely take away from the MTV music awards!" Another Night of Cards Robert and Jee had never played "Old Maid" before Justin got the game. They had never even heard of it. Robert is asked if he will get it for his daughter. He says she is too old. Jee says, "why is she too old? You guys are 33, and you're playing." Robert says Ali is always transparent when she has the Old Maid. He says you can see it in her face. The City So Nice, They Named It Twice Robert wonders where the next HOH gets to go...Cancun? Jee says Jun got what she wanted, attention, a trip to NY, the spotlight, a trip to NY, red carpet, at trip to NY, fans, a trip to NY... Robert asks how do they know it was a red carpet? He says it could have just been a valet spot. Erika says, "It was a red carpet, dude." Jee says "What do you think? We have carpets all over the city?" One last dig Ali "That bitch gets to go to the awards." Erika "Someone sounds bitter."