TUNA NEWS -- JULY 13, 2004

It's the Tuesday edition of the Tuna News! Did anyone do anything remotely exciting or scandalous? Will Mike ever speak again? Does Julie Chen have an identical twin? Read and find out. Joker's Updates No Kidding, Us Too! Lori speaks for recappers everywhere when she tells Karen and Nikomifer "I wish things happened a little faster." Nikomis says, "I wish there was more to do. The golf thing is fun.." Karen adds, "Yeah, for about 10 minutes..." Dressed to the Nines Evidently dressing up for 80's night is dying a fast death. Lori: Are you going to do that 80's thing on live night? Adria: I don't want to do it. Karen: I'm not going to do it. Nakomis: I'm not doing it. Lori: What about Diane? Diane are you doing the 80's for live night? Diane: No I'm not. Adria: With the guys it doesn't matter and Holly she looks like the 80's all the time. STILL not clear on the concept "If i remember right, the nominees help with the food challenge before being evicted." Fun in the Diary Room The hamsters have nicknamed the diary room "Big Willy" for reasons that I cannot hope to understand. Will says he has told some long stories in there and then they make him do it again, without dropping the F-bomb. Diane asks if they can say "damn" -- because she's said that a few times. And "hell" too. Marvin yells 37 more cuss word combinations from across the back yard that they forgot to mention. OK, he didn't, but he could have. Karen goes into the Diary room, and Skippy forgets to cut to the fish. Karen says, "I'm glad you called me in while I still have my blue shirt on." BB says, "I love that shirt!" Jesus Loves Me, This I Know Jase tells Holly, "Here's the deal with this whole game. I'm going to f*cking win." Holly says she shouldn't be so cocky because Jesus is watching and might take it away. Jase explains that Jesus won't because he's going to give all the money away. Charity Begins at Home Jase the Philanthropist says he is going to start his own charity. Holly asks, "Like a pyramid scheme??" Jase says no. Jase explains that he wants to help kids who are poor. He says he always felt sorry for them when he was in school because they had shitty shoes. I guess this means Jase will be opening several Payless franchises. You Must Remember This, A Kiss Is Just a Kiss Jase SO wants to give Holly a kiss. Jase says it's just like High School, but I pretty much think that is an insult to high schoolers, even those with shitty shoes. Jase feels that if he wants a career (ala Mike Boogie, I guess) he needs to "kick it up a notch" (BAM!) Holly tells Jase she doesn't want it to "look porno". Nothing ultimately happens, and the whole lot of them go to bed frustrated. Again. Promisekeepers Jase made a "promise gift" to his mom. He wrote out 25 sentences that all begin with, "Mom, I promise..." At the end was the promise to do all the things he promised to do (duh) and then he signed it in blood. She had it framed. Bleah. Drew May be Cute, But He's No Einstein Drew/TwinDrew nearly blows it again. He tells Mike that he's going to have to beat him at chess. Mike looks confused and says, "You just beat me tonight." Drew/TwinDrew gets all flustered and says, "are you sure that was ME?" Notable Quotables Marvin: "Scuse me, Dr. Atkins. I am fucking your diet up tonight!" Adria (to Cowboy): Adria: Ooohh, I love those front-pressed jeans. You're wearing my style now. And that white T-shirt underneath?? I'm gonna get some biscuits and sop you up buddy. Karen: I don't like her (Adria). I'm afraid she'll break my jaw. Holly: Marvin, get your corpse loving butt in here! Nicomis: I don't see the big deal with the Internet. What's to watch? We just sit around and scratch our butts. Holly: Don't wear those shorts. I don't want your wiener to fall out Last But Not Least Happy Birthday to Marvin's Mom! More tidbits from our friends at TV Clubhouse Spotlight on Karen The first time Karen ever stuffed a turkey, she got demented. (Yeah, I don't know what that means either) Karen hates yogurt. Karen hasn't opened a car door for herself in 13 years. Spotlight on Marvin Marvin likes pig's feet. Especially BBQ'd pig's feet. Marvin had a whole pile of Playboys he tried to sneak in the house. Then he tried to sneak parts by putting them between pages in the bible. Then he got caught. It's All About Context Scott: "You can't get a yeast infection from a hot dog." Guns don't Kill People. Deer Kill People Adria tells Will about Nakomis' story of being attacked by a deer. Will says he's scared of wild animals. Adria comforts Will by saying, "They don't mean to murder people though." Hunches Cowboy says he had a feeling before he came on the show that they were going to mess with me with the father thing. I wonder what tipped him off? Perhaps the mandatory photo-album session? The hours of interviews about his father? What If God Was One of Us? The hamsters have their daily bible reading. Adria is reading Romans and Psalms. Drew prefers Ecclesiastes. Adria says "If Jesus came here, he would be like, 'my children, gather' and I would be like, 'excuse me, let me get up in front. What do you want to tell me, JC'?" Will sums it up nicely by adding, "Lord have mercy, if Jesus walked into this house." Pass the Donuts, Please Diane and Will talk about The Internet People. She asks, Do you ever think about who could be watching us right now, like some little girl in Asia or some older guy eating a donut? It's All About Context. Take Two Jase: "And I look like a retard, cause I got totally denied."