TUNA NEWS -- JULY 7, 2004

Good morning, and welcome to the first installment of The Tuna News, v.5. This is a daily morning recap of late-night hamster shenanigans. Information is vetted from a couple of different BB boards, boiled down to its essence, heavily seasoned with sarcasm and served to you, the people. Where direct recapping quotes appear, credit will be give as credit is due. Sit back, relax and enjoy..... Joker's Updates I've Got a Secret So much for twists and secret surprises. The Hamsters know Cowboy and Nikomis/Jennifer (Nikomifer?) are related. The hamsters also know Will is gay. That leaves the double mint twin twist before Arnie and Allison have to hold an emergency meeting to think of new twists that might last longer than 90 minutes. Conspiracy Theory Scott works deals with everyone in the house, a bed, a couple of night stands, the outside clothes wringer and the chess set. The Craftsmen propose at one time or another nominating Marvin, Holly, Diane and/or Nikomifer. The girls want Marvin gone because he swears too much (can you imagine these people in the same house with the likes of Scott, Alison, Jun and Dana?). Marvin is said to be creepy, Holly is said to be stupid and/or a mole and Diane is said to be a Bitch. Nikomifer just has a weird name. Meanwhile, someone (uncredited) says something about what they aren't allowed to talk about anymore..."Cowboy". Spoiler Cowboy dressed up like a lime and made a giant margarita for a competition. And The Fitness Begins Tomorrow (now today) will be "Tone Your Tummies" Class. Power of Positive Thinking Michael says he's pretty sure he's never going to win this thing, but if he does, he's going to buy a dude ranch. (And then some dudes to go with it) Makeup! Jase tells Holly that some girls don't like her. Holly insists he tell her who it is. Jase says no. She bothers him more. He doesn't say. She demands to know who it is because she wants to give that girl a makeover so they can be best friends. Jase finally caves and says, "OK. It's Sheryl." Then he says no, "it's Rebeccah". I would have given anything for him to say "OK. It's Rodderick". Resume Builder Scott informs the world, "I have nice guy nipples." Holly Sez "Why are you messing with me? Firemen don't mess with people!" "I'm not on this show because of my sincere level. I'm on it because of my surface level." (Upon hearing Jase's birthday is February 18th) "Valentines Day?" "Catholic isn’t Christian is it?" (Upon hearing Jase's (made up) story that his parents were killed in an automobile accident) "Swear on your mom?" "Is it a good strategy to lie?" (Upon hearing someone getting called to the DR "Is that just a button they push?" First Impressions Holly: "Drew is a sheep. Marvin is rambunctious. You guys are like badgers...like insane. Gorilla in a cage." Jase: (About Holly) "What I saw in you....I was like 'this girl is deeper than this'" Karen: (About Holly) "She says things like she doesn't have a brain in her head. She was raped by black men, she's an art history major, she had a cable show, she was electrocuted, she lived with a man with AIDS, she lives in Hollywood "like the sign" and she has 16 cats in an apartment. She is like a bobble head. Maybe she is a mole. Scott" (About Scott) "I wonder what America is thinking about us? I mean, you know they saw the first show tonight. And we were just on fire that first week!!" Relearning the Recapping Game Courtesy of reggie at Jokers: "“Will was just talking about the Don which mean he is not the Don which means Mike is”." TV Clubhouse Food, Glorious Food Starvin Marvin says that he wants an America's choice poll, and he's going to request a MF-Ham Sammich. Then he says he hopes a bird will fly by because he's gonna get that MF and fry it and eat it. Starvin Marvin says he has to wait for an answer from BB to see if it was OK...he says his rule book doesn't say anything about eating something they don't provide, so it isn't against the rules. That's a Bad Starvin Marvin! Inside Information Hamsters were sequestered on June 23 and entered the house on June 30. The World According to Scoddy Scott says "Marvin is his boy" and he "has him on lockdown." Scott is worried The Don is getting too close to the women, so they want him gone. Scott declares the Marvin is the perfect 2nd week book material. The Name Game Holly asks Jase who he is going to nominate. He tells her "Steve and Bob." She thinks those might be nicknames.