TUNA NEWS -- JULY 14, 2004

Bonjour! C'est La Tuna News! Bonne fête de la prise de la Bastille! Or, Happy Bastille Day for you Freedom Fry loving Americans. Storm a prison and then sit down, pull up a chair and enjoy today's French Flavored edition of The Tuna News! Oooh Lah Lah! Jokers Updates Hillary Duff! Hillary Duff! Mom, It's Hillary Duff!!! Holly says she knows Hillary Duff's older sister because she did a movie with her. Scott gets all excited because he's a big Hillary Duff fan (Dude, she's 16 years old!) and wants to know if Holly can introduce them. (Phrase of the day: Bonjour, Hillary Duff!!) There Are No Small Parts, Just Small Actors So Holly did a movie with Hillary Duff's older sister. Lori has a SAG card and is a hand double in Hollywood. Jase was on "Will and Grace" and played a gay guy who was on a spelling bee. Scott says, "they found me in a bar" and later disses the women in the house, calling them "actresses" and "extras". Oh, and as for the "no small parts, just small actors" saying ... Well, I think Scott disproved that one pretty handily by being both a small actor and having a small part. (Phrase of the day: Scott a un petit pénis) Speaking of Small Parts - Take 1 Scott remarks while taking a shower, ""I'm so tall the regular cameras probably see my junk." GreenTuna mutters, "They're only cameras...not the Hubble Telescope." (Phrase of the day: Est-ce que c'est tout ?) Speaking of Small Parts - Take 2 Holly (of all people) tells Will, Loi and Karen that she thinks Scott is like TOTALLY insecure." She thinks that's why he talks and talks and talks about himself all the time. ....and then poses nekkid behind a bar. (Phrase of the day: J'ai confondu votre pénis avec un bâton de swizzle) Marvin's Masterpiece Madness Marvin turns out another extravagant dinner, complete with appetizers. Hopefully unrelated to this topic, Adria remarks that they replaced the sharks in the fish tank. One of them was wounded. Later, Adria tells Diane that she "let's" some people cook because they NEED that. They agree that the dinner was good, but Adria says it was a waste of a lot of ingredients. (Phrase of the day: Savez-vous le traitement de tante Jemima?) Poseurs The hamsters talk about BB making them pose walking and turning around. They (wrongly) think this is the footage for the opening credits. Poor Scott. This is not good news. He says BB made him take his shirt off and put his hat on sideways. (Phrase of the day: Je suis un outil. Yo Yo Yo) She Shoots, She Scores! The boys discuss who is going next week, because evidently they have already won the HoH competition before it happens. The front runners appear to be Lori and Karen. Jase thinks Lori is "running the show" and has got to go. Marvin does the classic "I tole you! I tole you! You let that girl play you! She's got more game than March Madness!" (Phrase of the day: Elle tire, elle marque !) Things are Seldom What They Seem Holly and Diane share a mutual love-fest. Diane tells Holly, "From last week, to this week, you've been like two different people. You went from this person, like we didn't know who the hell you were to this smart girl, all in a week." (Phrase of the day: Êtes-vous stupide psychopathe ou simplement?) Diane tells Drew, "I hope your brother is more charming than you are." Scott says, "Maybe that's not Drew." Diane says, "It's gotta be Ben talking." (Phrase of the day: Il ain't lourd, il est mon frère) Scott tells the boys, "When I talk to Lori she doesn't seem to have her shit straight." (Phrase of the day: Ma merde est twisty) They Said It Jase: What's up, beautiful? Karen: Everything, if you rub it hard enough. Marvin: I'm too big for TV. Karen: Now I see the softer side of Marvin. Marvin: Don't be telling everyone I'm a softy. Marvin: I told him (Jase) it's like prison, if you saw a chick in here for some votes, aint nothing wrong with that. Cowboy: (Unscrews Light bulbs) BB: Camera shakes "no". Cowboy: (Screws light bulbs back in) Cowboy (to Scott:) Good night Savage, I love you. Scott: I love you too, you sexy bitch. Last Words Marvin's snoring is causing all the hamsters to run for the cotton balls. Lori says, "it's like a farm animal...let's shoot him!" (Phrase of the day: Cluck Cluck. Moo Moo. BLAMMO!) More tidbits from TV Clubhouse Denied! Poor Jase is all torn up about being denied a kiss from Holly. As he remembers life outside the house, he gets some cheese to go with his whine. "The girls are good to me...the girls slide numbers into my pockets...and now I'm in a situation where I got denied an innocent kiss...had such a nice lead in talk, such a nice moment and she is like I just can't...and I'm like we've just shared this moment...and she is like I'm so glad you're here and I'm so glad you're here...and it was just like....." Doh Diane dropped her entire mic set in the toilet for the second time. She claims this time she wasn't drunk...just not paying attention. After retrieving it, she tries to dry it off with the hair dryer. Mending Fences As Diane and Holly share their heart-to-heart, Diane recounts how she didn't like Holly very much the first week. Just to clarify, Holly asks, "before were you like eww barf yuck or what?" Verbatim This one is too good not to leave just as it is. Courtesy of recapper "Grunge" at TV Clubhouse Karen: All right, we're all perverts. Most of our stuff won't be airable. Michael: America won't even know who Marvin is. Marvin: Let me have my Karen fantasy.(Pulls cover over head) Ooo Marvin, you're soo good. I heard about the myth, but this is ridicules. (All laugh) Girl: What happened? Karen: Apparently, I'm in bed with Marvin. Lost in Translation Translating from French back into English... My shit is twisty He ain't heavy, he is my brother Are you psycho or just stupid? She shoots, She scores! I am a tool. Yo Yo Yo Do you know the Aunt Jemima treatment? I confused your penis with a swizzle stick Is that all? Scott has a small penis Hello, Hillary Duff!