TUNA NEWS -- JULY 15, 2004

Welcome to the Peyton Place edition of the Tuna News. What happened during the late-late hours in the Big Brother House? Let's see... Joker's Updates Let's Do The Twist Again, Like We Did Last Summer So, this is the scoop. Holly was asked if she had a twin, and it took her a long time to answer. The hamsters immediately assume because she can't come up with an answer quickly, that she does INDEED have a twin, and she's a mole, and she's hiding weapons of mass destruction, and she's cracked the code on McDonald's Special Sauce. This causes mass hysteria and panic as the fingers begin to point, the tears begin to flow, and bad, bad lying sticks to everyone like Peanut Butter. These are the facts: Jase won HoH. Holly instantly attached herself to Jase. Marvin: "As soon as you get HOH, she is on you like a raincoat in Miami during a hurricane" Soon, weird sibling stuff began popping up. The hamsters began to wonder... Lori thinks there is something going down. They were told there was a twist, then the first challenge is a DNA strand, then we find out that Cowboy and Nakomis are related. Nakomis tells Karen, I don't see how this twin thing will have to work into this. Diane's twin has different hair...Drew's twin has a birthmark." Karen adds, ""But don't you find it odd that twins are so unique that they aren't using them?" Some conspiracy theories were a bit far-fetched Lori: Do you have someone in the airforce? Karen: I have an uncle in the airforce. L: See, everyone has a relative in the airforce. Mike: I don't think it has anything to do with it. If I hadn't been in the air force, i wouldn't know anyone. Marvin: Yeah I don't think the airforce thing has anything to do with it. But they knew there was SOMETHING going on.... Marvin: "I want a twist....bad!" But what? Marvin: "What does [the DNA strand] have to do with hula hoops and pink flamingos?" Meanwhile, the Drama known as Hurricane Holly picks up force Cowboy: I think Holly is controlling this game. She is an actress. ...and she is asked if she has a twin. Confusion ensues because, well, it's Holly and let's face it --- yes or no questions are hard, yo. After several minutes she says "no" and throws the entire house in a tizzy. Jase thinks Holly's a mole. He thinks she really has a twin and they're subbing out. Cowboy: I think she's playing us. Mike: I think that if she's an actress, she could be on the payroll. Holly gets upset and has ANOTHER fight with Jase Holly: I just don't have a twin. Will knows that I don't have a twin. There's just this weird twin thing I have with this other girl, but we're not twins...does that make sense? I just really wish you hadn't done that. The believability factor is low.... Jase: Before it was cute. But this time I was like, what? You know. It's not like...I don't know. We have fun and it is cool..and then...you know, I go in there and you go weird. I thought you were bipolar or something. The REAL truth comes out.... Jase: But don't make me look like a jackass on TV. And the Defense takes the field.... Holly: It's just so ridiculous and SO not true. If it was true, I would be like "heehee," but is so NOT true and I don't like being accused of something that is not true. I just have never seen you so mad... Meanwhile, someone drops a Salt-Bomb into the wound Scott: If it were me and some bitch didn't kiss me after a week , I would kick her out of that bed. I've done it before. After the fight, to save face, Jase and Holly try to play it off like it was no big deal. Holly: "We totally made the whole thing up. Hee Hee! We were trying to be like dinner theatre". Jase: "Hold on crazy people, you guys are going crazy. I'm Mr. Fun Guy. We were just doing this as drama! As TV! To keep you entertained! Everyone wants drama, we gave it to you." This goes over like a lead balloon Scott: "Don't do this, Jase. Now, I won't trust you at all." Drew: "Dude, if you are doing that...it sucks." Lori: "I so don't wanna be involved." And the hamsters continue to wonder about Holly... Cowboy: "It's the treatment..." Mike: "The what??" Lori: "At the hotel before the show, she got better treatment. She got nicer rooms and better stuff. She even got a photo shoot on her own before our group one." ....and the conspiracy theories fly again. Karen: "I know for a fact that I was in the sequestered hotel with Drew's brother. "I thought it was Drew but it was his brother." Nakomis: "What if Jase and Holly are related?" Karen: "Oh My God!" Scott spends some time talking to Holly to get the truth. Holly says, "Time to make the donuts!!" Drew: "I feel like I'm infected with whatever she's saying. She's got Scott glazed over right now." ...and throws a lot of attention back on Jase, claiming he made her say and do things, and she is scared of him. Marvin doesn't understand how she can be scared of someone and sleep in the room with them. Scott: "She could be full of shit. He could be full of shit. You never know." Marvin: "Ding. Ding. Ding." But somehow, Holly still manages to defend Jase Holly: "We're good people. He's a firefighter, and I rescue cats." ....and blames the day's drama on BOREDOM Cowboy: "Boredom needn't have caused all this. We could have gathered in 3's and done a skit." What will today bring? What do the hamsters think about Jase? Will: "As far as ultimate strategy is concerned, that was not his best move." What does Holly think about Holly? Holly: "This is NOT going on my resume!...after this I'm probably screwed for life." Tune in tomorrow to hear Scott say, Scott: "I feel bad for The Don!!!" All the news according to TV Clubhouse Old Big Brother Had A Farm, E-I-E-I-O. And on this farm he had a.... CHICK Holly: "Eggs are like chicken abortions or something. I think it is sad, you are eating an unborn fetus, a baby chick. I'm going to bed. I can't be around this cooking of meat any longer. It's making me nauseous." GOOSE Jase: I ate ice cream last night. You drove me to it. My abs are tight from crying. You make me cry all night long. Holly: You are lying. You are just being a silly goose. FROG Jase: "Dear God, please let something happen so we don't have to talk about this ...let it rain frogs...." CAT Holly: "I know I am not supposed to punch like a cat." PIG Scott: "Guys I hope you like burned bacon." Marvin: "Don't tell me you fucked my hog up ... You're standing right over it." Scott: "Let's put in on a plate and do the da--thing." Scott: "I like it burnt...sorry guys." Holly: "That is disgusting." Marvin: "Since you like it burnt you eat the burnt pieces." Holly: "It looks like pig tails." Scott: "That is what it is." SHEEP Holly: "I didn't do it, it wasn't me. I am the innocent lamb." SQUIRREL BB: "Michael, please go to the DR." Marvin: "Cowboy been waiting right there by the DR - Locked and loaded." Scott: "Good luck, talk about my nuts, I love you." ZOMBIE Jase: "Girls you are laughing but when it [shaving cream] gets in your eye it stings. That is why I have a lazy eye." Holly: "I might get conjunctivitis...I might get pink eye." Marvin: "...potentially kill her...if it goes into a brain ..." Old Big Brother Had a Farm.... Marvin: "I need some dead farm animal when I eat." E-I-E-I----------- Big Brother: PLEASE STOP SINGING!!! O