TUNA NEWS -- JULY 13, 2005

Happy Hump Day at the Tuna News! All the comings and goings inside the BB house stripped down to the bare essentials and then puffed back up to make them much more interesting than they ever were in the first place. We are approaching Eviction Night the first. What's the haps in the house? IVETTE THE BENEVOLENT Ivette tells Eric that if she won the lottery, she would buy a huge house so her whole family could live there. But there would be lots of different wings (presumably so she wouldn't have to spend any actual time with them). She says she is a giving person. ERIC THE KINDHEARTED Eric: I'm gonna let Kaysar know that my vote can change... Eric: If you piss someone off, you have an enemy for the rest of the game. Eric: Ivette, these fajitas are awesome. Can you come to the firehouse and cook like that? Anytime you want you can come bet the firehouse bitch. Eric: I'll tell him, either I better win POV or when we get out of here you better have eyes in the back of your head. HOWIE THE BB WANNABEE Howie: "Beau, please start being heterosexual" Howie: "Janey, please put out for Howie" Howie: "Jenn, please stick out a boobie for Howie." Howie: "Haney, please strip tease for Howie" Howie: This never gets old!! Off-camera voice: "Howie, please stop sniffing the toothpaste!" POINT - COUNTERPOINT Howie: Do you think your mom would like me? Jennifer: No, you'd scare her. Howie: If there weren't safety issues...do you think she'd like me?? Howie: Do I have sexy feet now that they aren't dirty? Jennifer: Everything about you would be nicer if you weren't so dirty. Howie: Janelle, before you met me, what's the most disgusting thing a guy ever said to you? Janelle: "Hi, I'm Howie." Howie: No! BEFORE you met me....? Howie: You're so good looking, but you have to ruin it by smoking. Janelle: You're so good looking, but you have to ruin it by talking. MEOOOOW! April, Jennifer and James discuss they common dislike for Janelle. April relates how Janelle said she should stay because 'she is beautiful' and how she said 'I didn't know we were dressing as whores tonight' when she saw Ashlea's outfit. James calls Janelle's implants "plastic courage." BUT DON'T THEY HAVE TO BE ASSIMILATED FIRST? Kaysar: They people are dumb, man. Michael: They annoy me. That's why we must destroy them. DELUSIONAL THOUGHTS, TAKE TWELVE Ivette: Everybody likes us because they can see how honest we are! Kaysar: Their biggest mistake is not evicting me this week. THE PSYCHO, THE SULTAN, AND THE PRINCESS Ivette's nicknames for Michael, Kaysar and Janelle. THE POT, THE KETTLE, AND THE BLACKNESS GreenTuna's nicknames for Ivette, Eric and James. TRUE DAT Eric tells April: You're going to come out of here twenty pounds heavier, because your workouts consist of 5 minutes of walking and 30 minutes of smoking! IF WISHES....... Howie: We need more promiscuous women here!! Howie: There's got to be one chick that's say, 'Okay, do me.'" Howie: It's the law of large numbers. There will be one girl who will be willing to give me some action. .....WERE FISHES tagline: FISH (ALL 2 OF THEM) tagline: SOMEONE IS DIGGING DEAD FISH OUT OF THE TANK