TUNA NEWS -- JULY 9, 2005

TAKE MY WIFE -- PLEASE! Among other things, this summer seems to be the summer of really bad jokes. Eric (looking at Ashlea's implants): Are those real? Ashlea: Real expensive! Ba-DUMP-bump! Howie: You have 26 sheep, and one dies, how many do you have left? General Answer: 25! Kaysar: I had a feeling it wouldn't be 25. Howie: You have 26 sheep, and one dies, how many do you have left? Female: We heard it already...what's the answer? Howie: 19!! You have twenty - sick - sheep and one dies Crowd: Oooooooooh! Ivette the joke killer : If you could speak proper English, maybe we would have figured it out. ALL HOWIE, ALL THE TIME Beau explains sun tea to Howie. Howie doesn't get it. Howie tries to figure out how to use the brush on the vaccuum cleaner. April helps him. Howie talks about mermaid fantasies and how he picks up girls in a club BIG BROTHER 6, SPONSORED BY BEANO It's the summer of non-stop talk of all bodily functions -- which is going to make for a very long summer indeed. Eric says he never hears his wife fart, even after 14 years. He asks his kids if she did (fart) after they spend a whole day with her. James tries to top that story by saying he has heard his Grandmother Burp. Eric claims his dog farts and laughs. I WONDER WHERE THE FISH DID GO? Think BB life is tough on the hamsters? It seems to be much harder on the fish, who were named Excels at floating upside down Avatar, Headed for the Tartar Sauce Kingdom Peanut, and Bait Bentley BB: HG, Please Feed the Fish! The women are mad at Kaysar because he wouldn't pray for the sick fish We have a dead FISH!!! TRUE CONFESSIONS - TAKE 1 Michael holds his OWN intervention is the bathroom while he is taking a shower. He confesses that he grew up in Europe and only moved to the United States in 1997. He further admits to his most dastardly ruse, that in order to act like a "normal person" he said he was from Michigan (obviously the child has never been to Grand Rapids, where the deer and the Amway Folks play). The bullshit meter goes off the chart as Michael exclaims that his plan to be "more normal than he is" is backfiring. Guess he'll just have to revert to being an International Poseur. Wait..... TRUE CONFESSIONS - TAKE 2 April tells the cameras that Janelle is the one making her smoke, and that she doesn't really smoke, but she does smoke to reduce stress. But she doesn't really smoke. JEE MEMORIAL CLICK! AWARD Misconceptions about the BB house have never stopped, especially since Jee and his infamous assertion that camera noise meant the Internets were taking pictures of them. BB6 is no different, and stupidity continues to rule over all: Sarah asks James, "So there's no live feed at all in the bathroom?" James replied, "No." Sarah says, "that makes me feel better." GreenTuna says, "CLICK!" Maggie talks about how discussions the house guests have about the game don't get aired. GreenTuna says, "Wrong-o! CLICK!" Janelle talks to Kaysar about the Internet feeds and if they can hear the conversation. Kaysar says no. GreenTuna says, "Think again! CLICK!" TRUER WORDS WERE NEVER SPOKEN Rachel serves up a big heaping bowl of rehash as she reviews yet again her annoyance about Jennifer going into the HoH room and locking the doors. Rachel says that she has finally "let it go." Maggie replies, "You haven't let it go. If you had, you would not still be talking about it two days later!" LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION Doctor Janelle says getting breast implants are no different than getting braces or a bikini wax. (I for one, would just hope they don't mix them up) MARCELLAS GETTING DISSED, 3 YEARS AND COUNTING Ashlea discusses the upcoming veto competition. She claims she is "going for it," and adds, "I ain't gonna pull no Marcellas!" IF ONLY... Michael: What do you have on your mouth? Janelle: Lip gloss. Watermelon flavored. Michael: I want to taste it......... Michael: It's like super glue! LAST CALL Howie: I'm gonna start reading the Bible and the "Shallum" thing Kaysar: Howie, you are so ridiculously dumb sometimes....