TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 12, 2003

Now That's What I Call Motivation Nate shows Ali and Jee weightlifting techniques while eating a bowl of ice cream. Ali asks Jun how much weight she has lost. Jun says not much. Jun says “I think I gained weight the first two weeks, so now I might be losing some of that weight.” Two problems here. She thinks? Thinks, as in there may be some doubt? Secondly, the first two weeks? Was she in a coma the rest of July? Newsflash If Ali doesn’t blow dry her wet hair, it will be all curly the next day. Life Lessons Nate tap dances as fast as he can not to get evicted. He pulls the “Jack doesn’t need the money, and I’m broke up to my knees” card. He pulls the “Girls are icky and always win BB” card. He pulls the “Ali played me” card. He goes on to say that he was humiliated and the whole world saw it. Nate doubletalks and says the only reason he saved Ali was she was all he had. He says he always falls for that kind of girl, and it “gets him in trouble with the dudes.” (Not the DUDES!) Jee nods wisely and says this game is a life lesson. I guess I haven't learned it yet, because I'm still watching you morons. How Do I Hate You? Let me Count the Ways In case you haven't heard. Girls are bad. Girls are evil. Nate "We would be better off without them." Nate "It happens every year. They squeak by and never win a competition." Nate "She played me and it sucks." Robert "Everyday these girls are just a mess." Nate "A weasley person makes it to the end every time." Robert "I know what a problem girls are." Nate "Girls are drama queens." Robert "There is not any girl here right now who is worth being in the game." So That's What You Call it Nate "I don't want to campaign. I just want a second chance. Anatomy 101 Nate asks Robert if they trust Jun. Robert says not really. He tells Nate they have Jun by the balls. Later Robert declares that Jack is "scared up his ass." How does that work? Oh Dana, Where Art Thou? The Hamsters lovingly remember Dana. Ali tells them the "Mantroll" story. She has bulging eyes. She ate her PB&J like it was raw hide. She ate with her mouth open and smacking. You can Quote me Jack "I told Justin he should get a tetanus shot because Robert clawed him." Erika "It just dawned on me that I should eat." Ali "I can think whatever I want to think. Do whatever I want to do. Say whatever I want to say." Nate That doesn't surprise me, coming from you. Erika "I'm no prude (in regards to Dana and swearing), but is it necessary to drop the F-bombs everywhere?" Robert "None of us has ever said a bad thing." Jun "Goodnight everybody, the show's over."