TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 4, 2003

Leader of the pack (VRrrrrroooom) Erica tells Ali that Dana didn't want to be in the O8 because she wanted to be the leader of her own little pack. Erica adds of course, she has leaded [sic] her way right out of the house. But you just aren't Nicole Dana, Jee and Justin are desecrating the HT. Dana does her best Nicole impersonation and gives Jee a massage with her toes. Jee asks Dana if she knots her bathing suit. Dana wonders why and offers to take it off. Jee says, no just do it underwater. I wonder if the water is hot enough to kill all the ick in this tub. Dixie Cups Don't Sag Dana approaches Robert in the WC. She cups her boobs over her shirt and asks Robert if they are sagging. What's there to sag? Optimism springs eternal, I guess. Give a Hoot. Don't Smoke Dana talks about how she quit smoking. She says she rolled a joint and pretended to smoke. She says a friend quit by eating slugs and spiders. Reverse Reverse Reverse Psychology Dana starts practicing her Julie Chen speech. "I'd like to begin by saying my experience in this house yada yada yada..." Robert gets pissed because he feels she is using reverse psychology on Erika. Most of these HG should simply refrain from the discussion of psychology. It has too many syllables and is too complex for their simple minds. The House according to Jack Jack thinks that Robert is u-g-l-y and he ain't got no alibi (he's ugly! Yeah, yeah, he's ugly!). Erika agrees but says she didn't see that at the time. Jack says at the beginning he thought Jee was the Pillsbury Doughboy -- very pliable. Now he sees Jee as a danger and regrets voting Amanda out of the house. Weezie! Hamsters say that Dana walks like George Jefferson. Justin says he doesn't know who that is. Jee says "Even I know that stuff!" Flying the Friendly Skies HG complain about the airline "Spirit". I personally have never heard of this puddle jumper, and I thought they were talking about the animated movie about the horse. Anyway. Dana asks why they took that...she just flew the regular airlines. HG say they didn't have a choice. Someone then pipes up and says "You probably yelled so loud they gave you what you wanted." HEE Sign of the Apocalypse Erika tells Nate that the pink hat of fugly is her lucky hat. She says it "wards-off all evil doers". Yeah, because they are laughing so hard, they can't do anything else. ...And World Peace Nate asks Ali what her motive is in life. He thinks she will have a miserable life because she is always trying to dominate people. Ali says she has a wonderful life (cue the chirping birds and flittering butterflies). She loves her boyfriend, she loves her job and has beautiful friends. Out of the mouths of Hamsters Robert says "if you go in Erika's shit, she will fuck you up." Nate "I found my bible. Ali "Yeah, I stole it." I should get combat pay for this stuff Post-shower. Justin is free-floating, as it were. Robert in the WC too. Jun comes in and Robert tells Jun that Dana finally got to shower with Justin and "pull his dick". Justin says her "jerk-off" skills were weak. Vile. This is vile. Chairman of TMI. More loser speech Dana practices her "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out" speech. She says "...having more of an appreciation for family and friends...." She repeats her speech out loud in front of lots of people. Jee tells her just say something off the top of your head. Dana says she can't do that. Jun tells Robert that Dana still thinks it is going to be a tie. Robert smugly says "she thinks it is going to be a TIE?" Jun: 1. Nate: 0 Nate has had a bit much to drink. He flirts with Ali and Jun and wrestles a bit with Jun. Ali asks Nate if they'd like to borrow HOH. Jun asks "why? So he can pass out on me?" The ghost of Dave yells "no! So I won't be the only one who has hurled in HOH" Cinderella, Dressed in Yella... Nate and Ali, ever competitive, have a .... jump roping competition. Nate blasts Ali out of the water. Ali ruins yet another microphone battery pack. Ali, still being out jumped, yells that she can do them (different jump-roping skills) all and beat him at anything. The Iraq Minister of Information Job is Open Ali and Nate wrestle. Nate pins Ali on her stomach with her arm behind her back. Ali stops struggling and Nate declares victory. Ali immediately jumps up and attacks. Nate grabs her and pins her to the BB net pole. Ali goes for the 'round cherry tomatoes' of yore. She asks Nate if he's done. He finally says yes and Ali says "I won!" Nate's shirt is dirty from the wrasslin' so Ali goes inside to wash it. She continues her big tough talk, telling Nate she can beat him at anything and to stop whining. She also tells him how wonderful she is, and he should be grateful to know her. Ironic, ain't it? Nate, Ali and Erika talk about Kobe Bryant. They talk about what a good family man he is. Do the Twist Auntie Em, Uncle Henry...it's a twister! It's a twister! Evidently the DR peeps have been increasingly hinting about the twist coming up soon. Nate says it happened when he was in the DR talking about Dana's upcoming eviction. Nate says in the DR he said he was confident about her eviction. He said the DR people said "Don't be so sure." Nate also relates that the DR asked him "what person (another EX) would totally screw up everything?" Nate talked about Natalie (I'm assuming this is his ex). HG speculate on who or what would throw the house into chaos. Nate says he was asked about this the first week. Back to Combat Pay Justin, Jun, Jee and Dana in the orange stripedy room of Ick. The boys talk angles. Not W strategerie kind of angles. Nope. nope. nope. Angles between their members and their bodies. Justin spouts off some number and Jee keeps asking what kind of dick he has? Jee then says his can bounce up and down, but not stand up against his body. Jee can't believe what Justin says and asks him what kind of dick he has. The Dark Side agrees if they had to choose, it would be sex over food. Jun tells Dana and Justin that they are under the covers and people are going to assume things so they "might as well get some." I feel the need to disinfect.