TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 9, 2003

It's Hella-Stupid In an alternate universe, Nate and Ali talk. Nate says Ali owes him a car. Nate says he will make money doing soaps. Ali tells Nate not to touch her. Nate asks her why she is always hugging him if she doesn't want to be touched. Ali says they "have to hug the ugly kid." Nate says Jun doesn't like him because she wanted to hook up with him on the first night and he wouldn't. Jack and Jun Jun reports to Jack that Nate was trying to make a deal so he could stay this week. Jack reported this convo to Erika, and told her they would discuss it later when they were alone. It's still Hella-Stupid Ali tells Erika the BB4 hamsters are similar to the BB3 hamsters. Please see previous post concerning whomping yourself silly with a 2x4 first and falling into a coma. Ali says Nate is a mixture of Roddy and Jason. Robert is like Marcellus. Jun is like Dani. Ali tells Erika she is a mixture of Tonya and Lisa. Ali guesses she is a mixture of Amy and Chiara. And then it was all made clear Ali says Cosmo is her bible. No wonder she wanted Nate to just tell her the "good parts" about Revelation. Who needs to hear about death, destruction and the apocalypse when there is a sex quiz on page 96? Keep Trying, Nate Nate tells Jack that he is worn out from the house. Nate thinks there should be a twist now so he can stay. Nate thinks America would like that a lot. Seems to me I heard Dana say the same thing last week. Must be in "An Eviction Nominee's Book of Quotes." Nate whines "I'm ready to meet a girl, Jack." Nate? You are going to have 7 fun-filled days with Dana next week. You can get it ON! But you might want to wash first. Nate returns to his alternate universe and starts talking up virgins again. Jack says "there aren't that many virgins". Nate admits it is kind of crazy to have such high standards for women: athletic, sophisticated, virginal..... Jack says it's ok to have standards. Because I like Jack, I am going to pretend he just didn't finish his sentence "it's ok to have standards...but boy, are you on crack?" Tonight's Specialty--POV Rehash Here we go again. POV wasn't fair. Everybody ganged up on Nate. Jack says he detected sympathy for Nathan in the DR. Robert. What a Nice Young Man Robert gets very busy harping on Jee to propose to his GF on the air. Jee clearly does not want to do that. Robert and the DS keep pushing him. Robert tells him he has nothing to lose. Justin tells him it is a win/win situation, and he'd be pimping whether it works out or not. Jee worries she is too young. Jun tells him he doesn't have to get married for three years or so. Because Jee has the spine composed of PlayDoh, he says he is really thinking about it now. Later, Robert sinks to new depths. He tells Jee and Justin he has been "doing" a girl for 9 years. He says it used to be once every six months, but now it's once a month. Rob and Justin both tell Jee that Jun is still attracted to Jee. Justin offers some lovely fatherly advice and tells him if he is going to run around, then it better be with someone who is worth all the crap that will happen. I lied. Robert grabs a backhoe and digs down several more miles. Among his gems: "I will not marry a broke bitch. If I do it again, she has to have money." And later, "What keeps a woman is sex and money. Love has nothing to do with it. You want a woman, you have to pay for it. They just want money." Right about now, Robert is making Scott look like a real gentleman. The Stooges. Model Citizens And now the girl bashing begins in force. All girls left in the house? Skanky. Robert says when he goes into the DR he says "which one of these pigs do you want to ask me about?" Later, Jee talks to Robert. Robert tells Jee he is the smarted person he knows. Jee tells Robert he loves to hear him talk because he gets so pumped up. He knows Robert talks out of experience. Parting Shots Erika "You know Jack, all is not lost. You make a good strawberry."