TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 6, 2003

The Perils of Fashion Ali tells Justin to wear the blue sweater for tonight's live show. Justin says he can't, he wore it last week. Ali mutters "no you didn't, you wore a white t-shirt" Jee says BB told him he couldn't wear his blue pajama bottoms anymore because they fuck with the camera. Robert says nobody wears blue jeans in LA unless they are gay. Jee the gullible believes him. Robert says he is just kidding. Dana walks around in her lime sherbert surprise sweats. They tell her it clashes with her room. Jun says she needs to get some of her clothes from Ali. Jun says "If I get booted I don't want to be like 'Ali, I have one minute to leave. Could you go to the bathroom and take off my shit?'" It's tough at the top Ali says they gave her crap in her HoH basket: crap perfume like body splash from Kmart. She says her mom would never buy that stuff. Alliance number 75 Ali goes to talk to Jee and Robert. She says somehow Nate knows that Ali has a deal with the Stooges. They claim Nate is paranoid, and may be guessing, or maybe Dana gave Nate some hints. Ali sinks many more ships with her loose lips and says Jack and Nate have an alliance as do Jack and Erika. Sticks and Stones Jee called Nate a hobbit. Nate said he "blew up" Jee in the DR. He said he called him "dumb" and a "bastard" And then drag 'em by the hair back to the cave Nate and Jee hold a meeting of the Cro-Magnum Man Idiot Society. Nate says he might date Michelle "on the outside." He says she is a bit young for him, but "when you date them young, you can shape them and form them." He goes on to say that young girls don't "come with a lot of baggage". Jee agrees. Nate says you got to find them young and "latch onto them". Nate says he isn't sure what he is looking for, but he's glad he is single in the BB house. Jee says that after three years, he still "can't find anything wrong with his girl." Personally, I'd like to wallop these two aside the head with a two-by-four, but it would be a waste of wood. Go club yourselves a mastodon, losers. I believe the children are our future Dana yells at Jee for clipping his nails in bed. Jee tells her to shut up, or he'll throw a fart her way and really give her something to "ewwwwwww" about. He says, at least it isn't his toe nails. Speaking of the future...HoH that is The Stooges contemplate the good life when they are HoH tomorrow. They think they are going to be so popular and in demand, that they'll have to set a chair outside the HoH door so people can stand in line to see them. Right. And monkeys might fly out of my butt. And don't let the door hit your ass on the way out! Jack tells Erika in his goodbye speech to Dana he complimented her NY attitude. He called her a gritty and controversial player, and not to take things personally, that she just made a mistake. Jack says the DR wanted him to do it over again, and really emphasize the NY aspect. Erika says she didn't really have much to say to Dana in her goodbye speech. Says she said "she warned her, and she didn't want to be the one to say 'I told you so,' but....'I told you so.'" They really said it Nate "We're like hamsters in here, man" Ali "I really hope Dana is going tomorrow because I said something in front of her I probably shouldn't have said. I asked Jun why she was packing everything!" Jun "Cashews look like fetuses." Ali thanks for saying that, now that I've eaten five!