TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 13, 2003

Heapin' Helpin' of Rehash As reported by the wittier and much cuter recaps at Hamster Time, the HGs fondly remembered our former migraine er....hamster, Dana. They discuss what she and Justin did or did not do. Ali says Dana "played with his sweaty balls" because Justin never shows. Jun vows never to do Justin's nails again. In reference to Justin's Mini-me, Ali says "he acts like it hangs down by his knees. In his fucking dreams." Doctor Tested Jun tells Ali and Ericka that Dana told her that a doctor said she had "masculine attributes". Jun wonders how anyone can be happy being told she has male attributes. She concludes by saying Dana was woman enough for Justin. Ali counters by saying a hole in a wall is woman enough for Justin. Sixth Sense Ali tells Erika that she knows of five instances when her boyfriend cheated on her. Erika wonders why she puts up with it. Erika tells her she doesn't have to, and that it's dangerous. Ali says she knows, but when they spend time together, it's fun. Oy. Because Girls are Icky Jun and Ali tell Jee he needs to come do their ab class. They want him to lead the class. Jee knows that girls have cooties. He says he doesn't want to do stuff with the girls. He can do it on his own. Ali leads the ab class (evidently Jee did the workout). Jee complains it didn't hurt like this last night. Ali tells him "that's because you were doing it wrong last night." Ali tells everyone to count while they breathe. Nate walks by and starts counting ala he's seven years old and girls are icky: "5, 6, 27, 3, 15, 9...." Girls are icky except when we want them to do something The ick-factor of the girls does not seem to extend to them "servicing" the boys. By that I mean, it's beauty time! Jun does Robert's nails. Ali does Justin's nails *and* gives him a facial. Nate also gets a facial. Daily Dose of Idiot Robert Robert tells his fellow Stooges that Jack should come into the HoH room, and if he wants to stay, he should get on his knees and kiss Justin's feet. Touch-Ups Justin shows Jun his nails. Justin says "Ali fucked up my nails. Look at them!" They agree they look pretty bad. Justin asks Jun if she will redo them and not tell Ali. Jee also gets a Junicure. We are family (sing along!) Ali, Erika and Jack in the LR. Ali says they are like a family. Jack is the Dad, Erika is the mom, and Ali is the baby. I suppose that means that the rest of the idiots are the kids down the street that your mom never wants you to play with but somehow they are always hanging around your garage looking for something to set on fire. They Aren't Rocket Scientists, That's For Sure Erika and Jack bemoan the idiots they are forced to live with. Jack says "it's so stupid." Erika says "it's not even an intellectual game anymore (it was before??). I can't work with this Jack. I can't work under these conditions." They agree that the cocky attitude of the Stooges is even starting to bother Jee. ...And eat lots of Pie! Jun and Jee confer while Jun does his nails. They talk about how they don't like the attitude of the other two stooges. Jee says when he was HoH, he was "humble." That is an interesting word to use. Jee asks Jun what her strategy was coming into the house. Jun says "stay in the kitchen." Jee asks "really?" Jun says yes. It is centrally located, and people come to you when they need to talk. They debate whether they need and Jack and Erika, or if they can do it on their own. Quotables Robert "Erika is still here and she is the weakest of the 8. She will be another Lisa. A bartending bitch." I love you...You love me... Jee and Justin blow some mutual smoke "You are a great guy. Rob is a great guy." "I know you are a great guy. Rob is a great guy." "Awesome. We are really good friends." Jee: "On that happy note, we should get some sleep."