TUNA NEWS -- JULY 19, 2004

It's Monday once again, and time for another edition of The Tuna News. What did you miss during the overnight hours? Let's see! Joker's Updates This Twin Thing is Hard Word has it that Drew/Ben messed up again last night. Cowboy was blathering about something and Drew said, "I don't know. I wasn't here that night." Bake at 350 degrees Cowboy talks to Drew about Diane. Cowboy says, "she has some good points, and a good heart. A crusty exterior, but a good heart." The World According to Marvin Karen tells Marvin that she and Larry (her husband) go to garage sales every Saturday. Marvin says, "Oh, Larry, I feel for ya man!" Karen tells Marvin she doesn't have cable. Marvin says, "You don't have cable? What are you, some puritan or something?" Lori tells Marvin that she thinks Sarah Jessica Parker is hot. Marvin says, "What? That bitch is too skinny! I like Kristin Davis. Now that's a woman." Deluded in Studio City Jase has already picked out his Hollywood name. It's "Jase Skylar". Cowboy has become the Hollywood expert, planning his own sitcom (alternately called "Cowboy and Friends" and "One Night Stand"). Cowboy declares he has some "natural" talent in him that needs to be challenged. He says when you talk to Julie on the live show you have to be quick. Later, Cowboy counsels Drew on the whole acting gig, telling him, "but if you're going to come out here and act, you need to be single. I don't want ya'll to have tension on the set, and you need to think about stuff like that." Jase (oh..Jase Skylar) says that casting did a GREAT job with the guys on this show. All Aboard the Bitter Bus Jase rips on the girls, immediately after he finishes patting Right after Jase says what a GREAT job casting did with the guys, he rags on the girls. He asks, "Why Karen? A married chick from Alabama, what gives there?" Scott complains that Adria just stands around. Jase says, "And Diane...not one of us would hook up with her, ever!" Karen says if she won HoH, she'd nominate Scott, saying, "He already has money and this show is holding down his potential." Then she says she'd put up Jase, saying, "She doesn't know him." Will says Scott has an IQ of less than negative 10. Then he says people like Jase and Holly act like they're your friends, but they'd pull your life support in the hospital if they meant they got $10. Finally he says Holly would put him in the electric chair and press "go" if it meant she would stay another week. Karen calls Scott and Jase "The Boner Brothers." Will says if he gets kicked out he won't use the last minutes to hug friends. He'll say, "Julie, hang on", and tell Jase who disgusting he is. Jesus and Pals Lori puts in a word upstairs for Will and Karen. She says, "I pray that one of you two gets it. I will pray every night." A few more nuggets from TV Clubhouse Beauty School Drop-Out The big news of the night was Nakomis deciding the Easter Egg Green hair was just too ... yesterday ... so she's going for the Mohawk look. She tells everyone if it doesn't turn out right she has a beanie that she'll wear tomorrow. More oohing and ahhing and "are you sure?"-ings pop up until Nakomis says, "It's kind of weird that other people are more worried about how the hair will turn out than I am." Discussion continues about scissors or razors and having a straight part. Finally, Nakomis just grabs a pair of scissors and starts whacking at her head. Karen wonders what Nakomis was smoking that day... Decisions, Decisions Marvin: "I don't know whether to build a grave stone, play putt putt, lift weight, or see if Drew is circumcised."