TUNA NEWS -- JULY 30 -- LONG VERSION

Honestly. You want news? You need news? You think there is something that wasn't covered back there in the TWENTY pages of previous posts? Well, today I shall bring you the BB5 HoH Endurance Competition TimeLine. The times shown in West Coast-BB Time HoH Competition 4:40pm (Pre-Live SHow) Karen is wearing a dress and tennis shoes. Says she feels retarded. Marvin agrees. 4:44pm (Pre-Live Show) Marvin does his best Chenbot impersonation (it feels funny just typing that), saying, "Well, Holly, I see you're on the block again, with Bootylicious for the first time!" 6:00pm -- Endurance Competition Begins Hamsters must keep a button pushed on a standee of themselves. The button is located on the mouth so it looks like they are "keeping their secret" (LAME). While the button is pressed, the platform they stand on stays lit. If the button is released, the platform light goes out, and they are eliminated. Ready set go. 6:56pm Marvin: "We can't let Will be HOH he'll paint the house pink." Adria: "What about Nakomis?" Marvin: "She'll paint it purple and green." 7:14pm Marvin: (To Karen) "It's been 5 minutes and we haven't heard about Larry! How you doing down there?" Jase: "Who else here has to pee?" Cowboy: "I want to pee before it does get that bad." Marvin: "[You'll] be like those 5 people last year, who held it in and they bursted and died. Your kidneys will fail on you." Adria: "Is anybody ready to quit?" Jase: "There is no way I'm losing this." Marvin: "Your keep your ass up there. This ain't no vomiting contest." 7:26pm Marvin: "How those legs holding up there cowboy?" Cowboy: "I'm doing fine" Marvin: "How about you, Bootylicious?" Adria: "I'm doing fine. How about you big talk? You're talking a lot." Marvin: "Oh, they trying to entice me. they put the big booty girl right in front of me." 7:41pm -- Nakomis Out! She says her wrist gave out. Chooses envelope number 6 for house food. It is ""Little Italy" 7:58pm Jase rides the bitter bus, saying "I'd like to thank everyone for unanimously voting out my girlfriend." 8:02pm Scott says the competition is stupid. 8:05pm Drew dresses up like Holly. 8:14pm Scott: "There are alot of bugs out here. How come they're all around me?" Karen: "Maybe because you stink. Because you haven't taken a shower in three days." 8:56pm First bribe. Real pizza and six beers. 9:02pm -- Karen Out! She says she got too cold in her dress. So what does she do? She goes inside to put on her bathing suit. Karen's food envelope is Japanese Cuisine. 9:42pm Diane offers to have everybody quit and give HoH to Cowboy. Everyone agrees, except Marvin. Jase offers to have everybody quit and let Marvin and Cowboy fight it out. Diane says no. 9:53pm -- New rule No hand switching on the button. 10:07 -- Cowboy Out! Cowboy slipped off the podium. He is furious that Marvin wouldn't agree to give him HoH. His food is "Breakfast, Anyone?" He goes inside the house and starts crying. Drew tells him it's OK, and Nakomis tells him that everyone was proud of him. Cowboy says he wanted pictures "real bad". 10:18pm Marvin is getting the cramps. 10:23pm Diane accuses Scott of using his other arm. 10:28pm -- Scott Is Out! BB checks the tape, and Scott is out. His food envelope is for British food. He doesn't know what most of it is. 10:51pm Scott says, "I was looking at the grass, and it started to move!" 10:53pm Marvin is in some serious pain with cramping. 10:57pm -- Marvin is Out! He yelled and jumped off. His food envelope is "Mom's Kitchen" 11:09pm Jase tells Diane and Adria that he's fine. He says, "I'm just waiting for you to finish." 11:13pm -- Adria is Out! Her finger locked up. 11:16pm Jase: "If you think I'm losing to Diane, you're out of your mind!" Will: "Endurance is my middle name!" 11:23pm -- Will is Out! Will-Endurance-is-my-middle-name steps off voluntarily. 11:25pm Jase wants to win and "make a statement" with his HoH nominations. Jase had assured Will he was safe this week. 11:26pm Scott: "Hey everybody! It's the Holly Hater vs. the Holly Lover!" 11:29pm Jase: "I think you'd be very surprised by who I would put up." Diane: "That's why I'm afraid to let go. I think you would like who I would put up. I know exactly who. They could bring that box right here and I can put those keys right in." Jase: "Who do you want?" Diane: "Get down and I'll let you know." 11:31pm Jase: " I know now what Jesus went through." 12:06am The ice cream fairy comes to the BB house. Will says, "I've never screamed like such a bitch in my whole life! And lo, much face-stuffing did ensue. 12:16am Jase: "Let me put it like this, I was in the military and I am a volunteer firefighter, there is no way I am going to lose to Diane. I just can't allow that." 12:20am Karen offhandedly remarks (as she stuffs her face) that she is lactose intolerant. She says she is going to have gas sending her through the roof and to watch out for singed eyebrows in the morning. Jase says, ""I can't lose because I can't face the firemen after losing to a woman." 12:23am Jase: "There is no way I'm going down. You (Diane) should go get her some ice cream and a hot tub. I will not lose to you. Diane: "I can stand here all dang night." 12:36am Scott: "Is it really worth it, guys?" Diane: "I think you should let a girl have it. Let a girl have the HOH room!" Jase: "This is not the year for the women. The women always win!" 1:25am Marvin: "I'm gettin' damn bored!" 1:27am -- New Rule Both feet must remain firmly planted on the platform. You cannot lift your feet. Their pants get rolled up to the knees so BB can watch the feet. 2:14am Diane tells Jase, "I do believe we are going to see the California sunrise together." 2:22am Jase tells Diane he's not getting beat by a chick after he went through Survival School. 2:31am Jase goes off on Cowboy and Scott for not saving him any pizza when he's out here struggling. Marvin says there's a whole MF-roast beef in the house, and some ice cream. 2:49am Jase's foot keeps moving toward the end. He has been warned by BB. 2:54am Jase starts making farmyard animal sounds. Someone says, "If he starts laying eggs, I'm out of here." 2:59am Camera zooms in on Jase's heels and toes that are both over the edge. 3:23am -- Jase is Out! DIANE WINS!! Jase's heel is over the edge again. BB calls it. Jase is angry and feels that he has been called on a technicality.