TUNA NEWS -- JULY 29, 2004

Welcome to the Thursday edition of the Tuna News. With votes already cast, did life calm down in the Big Brother House? Yeah, right. Let's see what happened. Joker's Updates It's All About The Pants Diane tells Jase that he has "class" since he hasn't pulled down his pants. I'm not sure that qualifies as "class" as much as an surprising lintball of self-control that has gotten caught on his mesh of morality. The word "pants" prompts Jase to ask, "Where's Scott?" Diane tells him, "In the hot tub." Jase replies, "Pulling down his pants..." Patrick Swayze -- Cleanup On Aisle One Beginning with the unlikely sentence "Cowboy gives everyone dirty dancing lessons" we find our Hamsters on Soul Train, BB-style. Adria dances in the kitchen, Marvin dances in the kitchen, Drew dances in the kitchen. All of them are reported to be good. Time for Cowboy and the Dirty Dancing. He lays on the floor and starts "humping the air", causing all the hamsters to laugh hysterically. Zombies -- Cleanup on Aisle Two Here comes Scott. He tells Cowboy, "I'm gonna be blunt with you. You haven't necessarily been the brains of the group. I won't lie to you...You're not stupid, but you haven't exactly been the brains. " Wizard of Oz -- Cleanup on Aisle Three Scott continues by telling Cowboy that even though Jase was HoH the first week, he hasn't done anything for them, meaning Scott was basically HoH the first week. Scott says this week, he is the brains behind everything again. He says, "I feel like I've been the brains, behind the curtain." Donald Trump -- Cleanup on Aisle Four Scott continues his lecture to Cowboy by saying, "Drew is learning. he's more of an apprentice to us." Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker -- Cleanup on Aisle Five Scott concludes his little put-down pep talk with Cowboy by saying, "I'm out here trying to get you fired up. I've already told Drew what he can do better." Free Willy Don't even go there. Adria says, "I love Will!!" Will replies, "Doesn't everybody? I'm like the house pet!" Remedial Math Proving that the concept of percentages is still too difficult for all reality show participants, Cowboy tells Scott he is giving 110%. To push the point, Cowboy says, "If I'm not giving that 110%, let me know and I'll up it." Scott replies, "Tomorrow I want to see 120%." Penalty. Clipping. 10 Yards. Still First Down It's not about the pants. It's about the clips. Jase and Holly fight (again!) about the clips. Oh, the unspeakable horror of The Clips! The Clips!.... Jase: "What about me and the clip of (Holly saying) 'I would cuddle with scott the same as you'?" Jase: "Lets go back to clips. 'I'll cuddle with you Scott, same as Jase. We're just friends.' There's your clip. Any better?" Jase: "There aren't any clips of me and Diane ("Aha!" Says GreenTuna) but plenty of you hanging on Scott." Jase: "I came out here to be nice to you but you aren't. Speaking of clips I'm going to look like an idiot because of your clips." They Said It Marvin: "Cowboy is putting the freak on." Karen: "It must be the bullriding skills." Diane: "Me and Nakomis were nice enough to give up one of our beers so Marvin and Scott would stop bitching. Unlike your side we aren't stingy bastards." Drew: "I'm going to kiss these walls when I leave tomorrow. I love this room." Jase: "She thinks im the kind of guy who does shit for her like eat her turd..." Holly: "No, you just barf for me." Drew: "If he (Jase) wanted any respect from this house or America (too late there, Pal) he wouldn't give her a sympathy vote." Marvin: I told him that. Drew: "When he goes to the club girls will be like, 'Will you throw up for me?'" TV ClubHouse You're Sweet! NO!! YOU'RE SWEET! In an argument that rivals and most likely surpasses the "I'm poor --- No, I'm Poor!" argument, Jase and Holly yell at each other about THE CLIPS saying there are clips of them saying nice things about each other. Acronyms 101 BUP -- Blow Up Potential. Not as in a balloon. As in a person. For example: Drew: Sometimes you forget it's a game. Diane: If you let little things get to you. Drew: NOT AT ALL...Ms. "Blow up in the kitchen-Girl" Close, But No Cigar Drew complains that it is so dark in the HoH room, he can't see Diane. He says, "If we ever had any light up in here, maybe I could kiss you on the middle of your lips instead of always missing the right spot." Diane tells him to try again. Drew does, asking "What is this?" Diane says, "You're close. It's my chin." Comforter of Silence Drew and Diane smooch in HoH. Drew tells her, "We're under the covers. No one can hear us." Recappers everywhere snicker. Surprise, Surprise Diane tells Drew, "They asked me if I wanted to take some time before my words about Holly. I said 'No, I do not'. I kind of regret what I said in the DR about Holly leaving. It was kind of mean." Clarification Diane: "Are you retarded"? Drew: "No, I'm not retarded." He Ain't Heavy... Cowboy tells Scott, "If I win HoH, I will cry. I want it so bad." He continues by saying, "If two Horsemen go up, I will just decide on who DESERVES it the most." Scott tells Cowboy, "You KNOW I deserve it the most. Remember who is your brother." Skippy Knows All Scott tells Cowboy, "The cameras are weird. They LOVE me. Cowboy starts laughing and tells Scott, "That camera shook it's head NO..."