TUNA NEWS -- JULY 28, 2004

This Happy Hump Day Special Edition of The Tuna News is Brought to you by Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond. No fish cam here, people, so feel free to sing along: Joker's Updates You don't bring me flowers Scott says, "I always try to help people out and I end up looking like the bad guy." You don't sing me love songs Will listens to the fight over Holly at the door, and then goes to the bathroom and tells Diane and Adria a fight is going on. Diane says, "Works for me." You hardly talk to me anymore CowBoy yells at Jase, tellings him he spends no time with the four horsemen. "You don't even talk to us anymore!" He wails. When you come through the door at the end of the day Drew yells at Jase, "You're with us 5 minutes out of the day and you're with her 24/7!" (GreenTuna adjusts her watch to add five more minutes to the end of her day) I remember when you couldn't wait to love me Jase: (To Holly) : "You are the sweetest girl ever, EVER, EV-ER!" Used to hate to leave me Holly says she just hopes this isn't her next-to-last night with Jase. Jase says if she is voted out, he wants to leave next week. Now after lovin' me late at night Jase asks Scott, "So Scott you're just mad cause I'm cuddling and have a girl to cuddle with"?? When it's good for you and you're feeling alright Jase and Holly locked lips in the kitchen while Drew spies from the HoH Super Secret Spy Cam. Drew says, "That was an 'I love you' kiss!" Well you just roll over and you turn out the light Diane goes to WC and while she's gone, Drew has a one-on-one prayer with the head honcho upstairs, thanking The Big Cheese for allowing him to speak his mind and asking for strength. And you don't bring me flowers anymore Scott tells Jase, "Even Adria said, 'I miss the Jase that walked in here with us' ... A lot of people in here have been saying that." It used to be so natural To talk about forever Holly tells Jase, "I really really really like you! I friggin cried in there over you!" But 'used to be's' don't count anymore Holly gets mad and says "That's it! No more kisses for you!" "I knew I didn't want to do this. This is the problem that it causes." They just lay on the floor 'Til we sweep them away Then she points her finger in his face and says "So you think about that the next time you want kisses! I'm going to go put on sweat pants." And baby, I remember All the things you taught me Jase tells Holly he thinks her sweat pants are in the bathroom. I learned how to laugh Scott tells Jase, "Dude, you need to think about this; I mean we didn't come in this house for this." And I learned how to cry Jase tries to defend himself to the gang, saying, "I'm 28 and you guys have all kissed and had sex with lots of girls and then like here just because this house is what it is, you kiss a girl, like a peck, it's like something. It's not like all you guys, it's everyone like 'have you done anything yet' and all that stuff which makes it pressurery kinda different." Well I learned how to love Will says he would like to have Drew's face on Scott's body. Scott, of course, is not happy and wants to know what's wrong with his face. Scott asks Nakomis to rate he and Drew. She gives Scott an 8 on the face and Drew an 8.5. Yet again, Scott gets angry. Even learned how to lie Scott tells Drew, "I agreed with your plan from the beginning, but I knew it would cause a riot." You'd think I could learn Holly tells Jase how to handle Scott. She tells him, "You're dealing with an oversized gorilla. I know its hard to bite your tongue, but you can do it" How to tell you goodbye Jase finally acquiesces, saying, "Okay, guys I'm down, but I'm gonna vote for Holly so she won't feel bad." 'Cause you don't bring me flowers anymore Jase: "Scott is a Psycho." Special edition! More bits from Jokers that are just too good to pass up. I'm Going To Take My Ball And Go Home! The argument continues amongst the boys. Drew says, "If I vote Adria out, it's ME they're gonna be pissed at!" Jase (the king of revisionist history incorrectly) says, "Drew, I had the balls to put Lori up -- (wah-wahhhh. That would have been Marvin) -- and use the veto to save Holly!" Drew pulls out the brass pair and says, "YOU don't talk to me about my BALLS, I had the balls to put her (Holly) up! That took balls!" Theory of JackassaTivity As the arguing turns around and around, they once again stop on Right-Foot-Red and decide that they do, indeed hate Holly. Marvin admits, "Well, right now, I'm to the point I hate the ground she walks on, dude." Scott says, "I'll back you up on that Drew (the plan to keep Adria)". Cowboy, still lacking original ideas of his own, adds, "Yeah, I'll back you up too!" Scott ties it all up by asking, "Wait. So my "Einstein" plan is back in affect?" Calling Noah Webster....And God Holly and Scott read the bible. Heh, yeah. (Big Romans. Little Romans. Big Romans in Little Trees. Little Romans in Big Trees. Go God, Go! Holly stumbles over the word "Persecute" (which is odd, since it contains the word "CUTE" and there isn't that much left to figure out), and comes up with Per-SCOOT. Next Week On Animal Planet Jase tells Holly it is so cool that she wants to use the money to save cats. Holly says, ""If I could save half, I would be SOOO happy." I wonder who has any use for half a cat. Batting cleanup, our friends from TV Clubhouse Double Damage Control...With a Twist Karen tells Nakomis that she is tired of doing damage control. She says, the "damage control is getting me, doing double damage control, doing damage control for Diane." Witness Verily from on high, Scott proclaims that he will introduce the Bible to all his friends when he gets home. (Bible, meet my friends. Friends, this is the Bible) Scott says, "I'll just read a passage. They're going to think that I'm weird." 101 Uses For Duct Tape Karen bemoans Adria's talk with Marvin. She tells Will that Adria needs to chill out. She says, "Her conversation this morning with Marvin was a mess. Marvin kept trying to walk away and Adria wouldn't stop. I just wanted to tape her mouth shut." It Ain't Exactly Ward Cleaver Scott congratulates Drew on turning the vote around. "I commend you for sticking up. I see it dude. You really got your head on straight. I don't want to sound like your dad...I love you dude." Drew says, "I love you dude." Fade to black (no, Not Marvin). Power Hungry Cowboy, if you recall, wanted Marvin out this week BAD because he dissed Cowboy, his 25 oil wells and his empty wallet. Now suddenly, Cowboy says, "If I win HoH...I want Diane's ass out." (But what about the rest of her?) Cowboy says, "This was Adria's week to leave, and if you guys are gonna change that...then I want you to know that I will NOT put Adria up." Quotables Marvin (talking about Jase): "I think he fell for the girl a lil bit. He majored in theatrical and stuff." Dance Ten, Looks Three Drew and Diane rehash the evening entertainment when will compared Drew and Scott on looks. Will had said he would like Scott's body with Drew's Head. Scott got angry, saying, "What? Dude...What's wrong with MY head?" Drew told Scott, "Dude, I can change my body, but you can't change your head!"