TUNA NEWS -- JULY 26, 2004

It's Monday morning, which means it's Tuna News. All the news we didn't see fit to report the first time around, reheated and served in all its steamy freshness to you and yours. These were the Sunday evening reports from Joker's Updates Oh Lucy! Scott says his body looks just like Ricky Williams. I think, maybe Ricky Ricardo. Special Class and the Little Bus Scott, Jase and Holly make fun of Cowboy and how he talks. Holly says maybe Cowboy was in a "special" class. They also speculate that Cowboy speaks "Cowbonics". Holly, of course, would know all about special class, since she, obviously, didn't make the cut. Do They Teach This in Special Class? Diane hates Holly. She tried to get along with her, but she can't stand her. She wants Holly to give her all her clothes back again. She hopes that Holly knows that she hates her guts. Jerks of a Feather Flock Together Scott knew Alison (BB4) and her punching-bag boyfriend, Donny. He played college football with Donny and was his "drinking buddy". Scott spends some time talking about their appearance on The Amazing Race, and I smile a great big smile because I know that they are gone. Crazy Is as Crazy Does Marvin tells Diane she's in the house with 12 crazy people. He tells her if she wasn't crazy when she came in, she will be crazy when she leaves. I think Diane pretty much has crazy covered. Strategy With Props Nakomis and Will plot in the Mostly Cloudy room about possible hamster scenarios. Nakomis is using colored stones to represent the hamsters. Evidently this is a variation on Drew's Gummy Bear Strategy Method. I suppose each would be valuable if you couldn't count past ten. The downside of the stone strategy is you cannot bite the heads off of evicted hamsters. Maybe they should break into groups of three and do skits.... She Loves Me... Marvin and Diane hang out on the hammock. He plays with her fingers. ...She Loves Me Not Diane says she wants to get in there [the morgue] and fall asleep before Marvin comes in and tries to spoon with her on the concrete slab. Easy Target Jennifer would love to punch Jase in the face ...Will You Still Need Me? Holly talks to Jase about her hair falling out. She says it is stress. She asks Jase if her hair falling out will bother him outside the house? ...Will You Still Feed Me? Jase tells Holly if she eats right, he wouldn't worry about her. Holly says she likes apples. Jase says apples are fine, but she needs some fiber. An anvil of DUH strikes Jase dead. CLUNG ...When I'm Sixty-Four? Holly asks Jase, "If you could be someone else for a day who would it be?" Jase answers, "I'd be me... me... me... no wait! I know who. I'd be you and you know what I'd do as you? I'd take a big crap. More updates from TV Clubhouse Things I Wish I Had Seen Holly says some people in school called her Barbie and would burn Barbies in front of her locker. Things I Wish I Had Heard Marvin does an imitation of an African American woman getting excited over getting a three-piece meal from Kentucky Fried Chicken. People Not Clear on the Concept -- Part 1 Cowboy speaks openly and emotionally with the horsemen. He compliments Scott saying that April will think he's cute. He compliments Jase by saying he wants him to sing at the wedding. He compliments Drew by saying April will like him because he is quiet and thoughtful like Cowboy. He wants them all to stand up for him at his wedding. Scott goes on and on about WOOO... PARTY MAN.... BACHELOR PARTY... WE'RE GONNA GET SOME... COWBOY, YOU WITH A SHOWGIRL... People Not Clear on the Concept -- Part 2 Drew says, "This is a crazy game. We didn't know what we got into until we got in here." People Not Clear on the Concept -- Part 3 Diane says, "I don't care if one of the noms is me. I'll be excited!" Little Black Spreadsheet Marvin says before he left, he made a spreadsheet of all of his women. He doesn't want someone jumping on the bandwagon, so if she's not in the spreadsheet, she's not getting Marvin. Rules of Classification Karen says, "You have different classifications of guys. You can't compare guys who are athletic [with guys who are] musicians. It's like comparing apples and grenades." Cowboy wants to know if he's an apple or a grenade. Karen tells him, "Grenade, baby."