House Calls -- August 4th

Cast of Characters Marcellas, BB3 Some Radio Girl Gretchen (SRGG) Guest: Arnold Shapiro, Executive Producer, Big Brother Empire USA Chapped Lips This episode of House Calls is sponsored by Chap-Stik, because let me tell you, there is more butt kissing in thirty-five minutes than I ever thought humanly possible. SRGG introduces Arnie, and Marcellas exclaims, "The Godfather of Us All!" Boston Rob takes offense to the Godfather plug, and Arnold tells the crew, "I'm so honored to be here!" (translation: Lunch and drinks are on you, Marcy.) Arnold continues his Marcellas love by reminding everyone of Marcellas' creative approach to Big Brother. If you're looking for a drinking game, this is the one. Drink every time Marcellas' I'm not going to use the veto on myself screw up is mentioned. Arnold says he told Marcellas he was going to get him a talk show. As if we don't believe him, Arnold says, "It was one of the first things I said!" Marcellas adds, "Yes, aside from 'What were you thinking?'" *drink* Memorable Moments SRGG asks Arnold who in the house has been a stand-out this year, for good or for bad. Arnold mentions Jase and Holly, emphasizing that "Holly is a unique human being. That's not an act. We interviewed Holly in-depth to make sure it was real...and it was." (Did you notice Arnold keeps referring to Holly as an IT? Methinks he doth protest too much). Best Arnold quote about the houseguests: "And Cowboy is memorable...just because he looks that way." Yowza!! Production Am Hard Marcellas puckers up again emphasizing how difficult it is to produce a show like Big Brother. He asks Arnie if it's gotten any easier. Arnold says, "Easy is never a word I would use to describe Big Brother. It's sort of like a non-lethal version of D-Day. (Interesting comparison. World war. Reality Television) Phone Call: Who was Shapiro referring to when he said one of the BB5 HGs would "Make Evil Dr. Will Look Like a Kindergarten Teacher"? After a lot of hemming and hawing and pre-answer justification that potential hamsters act much differently outside of the house than inside of the house, Arnold finally admits he was talking about Karen. Shapiro said Karen came across very tough during the audition phase and Jase was going to be the typical "nice, good-looking guy." HA! Phone Call: What logistical problems have there been with lights, cameras, etc.? Answer: None. BB is perfect all day, every day. Arnold says that it takes the HGs about twenty-four hours, and then they totally forget about the cameras. (Except Jase. And Scott. Oh, and Dave from BB4. And Erika. And...) SRGG remembers she is on this live show called "House Calls" and finally speaks. "Could Arnold ever live in the house?" Arnold says no. SRGG says the house is scary. SRGG says she is intimidated by the house. SRGG did a walk-through with Marcellas and got a panic attack. SRGG should go away. Better Stock Up on Cheese Marcellas asks Arnold about the possibility of an All-Star Big Brother. Arnold says .... YES! There could be, when and if the time is right. He doesn't think it's right yet, but he thinks down the road, yes there could be an All-Star series. Marcellas' Tourette's Syndrome kicks in when he suddenly yells, "I'M NOT GOING BACK." Phone Question -- When and Where Will the Twin Twist Be Revealed? Shameless plug for the Thursday night show, but Shapiro did say he thought this would be the defining moment of all of the Big Brother seasons. He thought Shannon and the toothbrush was great, but he thinks this will be better. Marcellas asks, "Extra security behind the walls?" Arnold replies, "Always!" Phone Question -- How About More "Real People" and Less "Striving Actors"? Arnold does a long, regrettable song and dance about how they go out of their way NOT to get striving actors. Arnold says, "I know whether Jase wins or loses, he's going back to Decatur, Illinois -- (NOPE) -- and Scott is going back to Pittsburgh -- (MAYBE) -- and Cowboy has mentioned it (acting) a few times...and I don't take that seriously." (OUCH) Much discussion ensues about what kind of person they put in the house. Arnold says he is looking for "real people" but they must be colorful, dynamic, outgoing, competitive, unique, delightfully quirky -- such as yourself (to Marcellas...kissy face) -- these are all characteristics we look for. (I think he left out loyal, honest, trustworthy, brave and true) Marcellas thinks a successful hamster possesses a "willingness to be open". Arnold however, takes a high and mighty stance. He says, "I'm surprised that sociologists, psychologists and even anthropologists have not come forth and asked us to be allowed to study this show." (translation: I'm pissed PBS didn't buy the options, but hey. Screw 'em.) This oration goes on and on..."Because the human dynamic that occurs when people go into the house and how they change from their auditions to when they go into the show is absolutely amazing. " Arnold bags on Karen again, saying that in her audition tape she conveyed a very strong, highly competitive spirit, and in the last endurance HoH competition, she quite because she was cold. I'm thankful Arnie did not use the words "Not Good TV." This Show is NOT Scripted! Marcellas continues banging the "real people" drum, emphasizing that the show is not scripted. He says it's all about who you are and how you relate to stimuli. Marcellas adds, "And if you're talking about direction, I certainly would hope if there were a script somebody would have told me to use the veto and I wouldn't have blown $500,000." *drink* Arnold adds, "That was the loudest shout and gasp in the control room that I've ever heard in the past 4 years we've been doing this show." *drink* Phone Question: The Hamsters don't get drunk until 1am Eastern Time. Will you ever have an East Coast BB? After a long defensive diatribe about how BB is NOT trying to get the hamsters liquored up, Arnold finally gets around to the answer. No. The Clocks, The CLOCKS! Marcellas: Why do they know what time it is this season? Arnold: Because there is a little clock on the microwave Marcellas: When are you going to go in a fix that? Arnold: Well, we just decided to let it go. That's a leftover to BB1 that there couldn't be a clock. I didn't think it was a big deal, but if you hate it, I'll look into fixing it. Marcellas: I don't hate it, but I think this house is much more spoiled than we were. Phone Question: Are Will and Karen playing like Amy and Marcellas? Marcellas: No. Actually, he provides a much longer, and more boring answer about Amy and Marcellas' relationship and how it wasn't a strategic relationship, it was just hanging out and having fun. SRGG wakes up and mutters, "It's not the people, it's the dynamics" and falls into a deep slumber for another five minutes. Marcellas admits that he would not do well in the BB5 house. He says, "I think the combination of Scott and Jase would have driven me up a wall. I think I would have either been very aggressive with them, or (I would have been) hitting the panic button." Behold, The Power of Veto Marcellas says he is EXCITED that they are using the power of Veto this year. His hands go absolutely WILD during this entire exchange as if he were just swarmed by one thousand bees. He says during his season nobody wanted to use the veto (WAVE WAVE) ...nobody wanted to play for the veto (WAVE WAVE) ...nobody wanted to touch the veto (WAVE WAVE). But this year? It's veto-licious, baby (He doesn't say veto-licious, be he should have). Arnold agrees. He says, "The second dumbest mistake in the veto -- after you Marcellas -- *drink* Was Diane blowing it with the coins and the pig. She could have knocked Jase out. She just didn't think. So the reason that Jase is still in the house is 100% Diane's fault. Phone Question: What is the most surprising thing so far about the game this year? Arnold says, "How the good guys have emerged as the bad guys and how the bad guys have emerged as the good guys." He goes on to explain, "We didn't anticipate the four horsemen, we didn't anticipate that Jase would emerge as he has -- that he would be such a prominent figure and he would be so diabolically pleased with himself." Arnold adds, "Will has a cunning side, and I'm surprised that we haven't seen much of it so far." Arnold says the one person who has behaved in the house exactly as they expected is Diane. He says, "She told us she was outspoken and she rubs people the wrong way." Marcellas likes her. He said she reminds him of Chiara (ugh). The discussion turns to Nakomis, and SRGG wakes up again and begins spouting theories and isms -- Get to know you cakes, Human nature, Stereotypes, Snap judgments -- that (hello??) have already been covered. Marcellas jumps on the band wagon saying that Big Brother offers insight into people who are different. Arnold joins in, proclaiming Kent and Bunky were brought together for Sociological good. Marcellas Question: Who are your five favorite houseguests? Arnold names Dr. Will (BB2), Jase (BB5), Holly (BB5), Marcellas (BB3) and Danielle (BB3). Final Question of Utmost Pomposity: Has Reality Television Increased an Interest in Documentary Filmmaking? Arnold says, "Absolutely!" *snort*