TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 2, 2004

And another week begins for our intrepid hamsters in the Big Brother house. Did the weekend bring any excitement? Check it out and see. Joker's Updates It's The Veto, Stupid The Veto Ceremony has been moved to today (Monday). Jase spent considerable time writing, practicing, and revising his speech. After testing it out on several focus groups, it will go something like this: "For everyone that conspired to vote me out this week, you can kiss my ass. And while we're in the spirit of ass-kissing, you can kiss each others asses goodbye, because I'm back with a vengeance." Hell Express - Take 1 The hamsters ponder ripping up the bible to make playing cards. Got any Zebedees? Go FISH! Hell Express - Take 2 Marvin's best prayer attempt: "May all your pain be Champagne." Compare and Contrast - Take 1 Will (To Karen): "We're playing such a good game. We're playing like Danielle and Jason were, except better." Compare and Contrast - Take 2 Jase and Scott discuss their perceived "dudeness" and compare themselves to everybody else. They say, "Look at Eric and Roddy (I'd rather not), and then look at us (I'd rather not). I mean, they were kinda built (kinda), but they don't have anything on us. Chicks probably dig them more than any other guys in BB history (Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry). They bring up Hardy, but pretty much agree that he isn't as good looking as them. They also say that Will was kind of good looking (Kind of?) Oh, And One More Thing Scott talks about how expensive it would be to bring his Escalade out to California. He says he'll just "sell it or park it out there." Oh, and one more thing..."after I buy one." Scott tells Jase he has stacks of newspaper articles of him being a star athlete, blah, blah, blah. Oh, and one more thing..."the articles are in the daily police briefs." Scott tells Cowboy he's going to 'talk to Playgirl' and see if he can get Cowboy a spread. Cowboy says he wouldn't do a centerfold. Oh, and one more thing...Thank You! Karen stars in "The Omen" Karen's picture falls off the wall for the fifth time. Karen's finger gets cut again while she does the dishes. Karen's logic flies out the window as she and Will secret hope Jase will be HoH next week, and nominate Adria and Diane. The Banana Incident of 2004 Big Brother starts employing some tough love in the house. The hamsters have lost their bathtub water privilege. Marvin asks the camera man to nod if the water is turned off permanently due to the banana incident. The camera nods "yes". Notable Quotables Karen: “The most exciting thing about this place is napping and then getting up and seeing how much time you killed.” Diane: I think I'm in love. What do you think of that? Nakomis: I think you're a crackhead for saying that on national TV. Batting cleanup, TV Clubhouse Jase plus Will = Huh? Jase and Will strategize. Actually, Jase strategizes while Will listens and throws in the occasional "uh-huh". Jase tells Will, "My plan is honestly, truthfully...we got this great thing going between us. I think if we can get through the next week we can make it until the end." Jase plus Arrogance = Jase Jase tells Will, "If the next two weeks work out, I can totally exploit my alliance and get cocky and arrogant. I think to pull this off the way the veto is, you have to have a secret thing on both side." Jase plus Cowboy plus Scott = Jase plus Who plus Who Cares Jase tells Scott and Cowboy that Will is "completely down with you (Scott) staying in the house. Will wants Marvin gone. Will is not lying." Jase concludes by saying, "If we pull this off it will be legendary. They are screwed. The four horsemen will be galloping around the house." Marvin plus No Beer = BB plus Begging MFMarvin talks to the camera and asks for some beer for poker night. He promises if they get beer, they will talk strategy, have a little drama, a little romance between Drew and Diane and make good TV. ("Make Good TV" Is that what they are calling it now?)