TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 20, 2004

Thank God it's Friday. And Nakomis, for that matter. Now that Marvin has promised to be a little gay at least once a day and Will has taken the walk of shame, we can get down to business. Will Nakomis seek pinky vengeance? Will Diane survive another night of houseguests trying to paranoy (tm Diane) her? Let's see... FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD Shortly after the live show, they went right into the food competition. HGs had a plate of their "dream" dinner set before them. The twist (there's ALWAYS a twist, yo) is the plate of food got dumped into a blender, and they had to drink it. Yum Yum Yum. It's not exactly Haggis, but close enough, I suppose. Each hamster played for food for the house for a particular day. Friday - Cowboy Cowboy's menu consisted of sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, fortune cookies and Dr. Pepper. Cowboy guzzles it down. HGs win Friday food. Saturday - Marvin Marvin's menu is lobster tail, fried shrimp (with tails), steamed oysters with lemon, french fries and a Corona. As Nakomis blends Marvin's dinner she says it "looks like sediment." Marvin is unable to down a glass of concrete. No winner. PB&J for Saturday. Later Marvin says he never wants to see another lobster tail again. Sunday - Adria Adria's menu is Fettucini Alfredo, zucchini, chocolate cake and red wine. Since Sunday is the Lord's day, Adria has no problem whatsoever. She yells, "I can't taste the chocolate cake!" Jesus mutters that he's busy with the Amazing Race people right now. Monday - Drew Drew's menu is Spinach/Artichoke dip, Fillet Mignon (rare), broccoli, baked potato with all the trimmings, apple pie ala mode with sugar and caramel and a Corona light. Drew's Fillet Mignon moos sadly as it is dropped into the blender, and Cowboy sheds a single tear. The smoothie, she is lumpy, but Drew rises to the occasion. Food on Monday. Tuesday - Karen Karen's menu appears to be the Saturday night 3am post-barnight special: A bean burrito, steak taco with lime sauce, chocolate taco and a diet Coke. Karen yells "Freedom!!!" Actually she claims her victory for the Taco Club. Karen needs to widen her circle of friends. Later, Cowboy congratulates Karen, telling her, "You chuga-lugged that!" Karen says, "I wanted to look cool." Wednesday - Natalie The Lord is up to bat again as Natalie drinks a glass of Fillet Mignon, steamed vegetables, sweet potato, coffee, and an ice cream/brandy dessert. Reciting a Psalm about fatted calves, Natalie wins food for the house. Amen. Thursday - Diane Diane faces spinach-veggie pizza, steamed vegetables, salad, chicken, mashed potatoes and water. Diane claims it smells good, but after a couple of chugs she yells, "it tastes like hay!" Inexplicably she then proclaims she is going to pretend that she's at the bar. Because, I guess, she drinks hay at the bar. Marvin tells Diane to "go to the happy place in your mind." Diane does just that and wins food for Thursday. THE YOUNG AND THE CLUELESS The mere mention of additional television time sends the hamsters into a frenzy. Cowboy says he was campaigning for Young and the Restless in his sleep. Cowboy (who doesn't listen well) asks his fellow fame-seekers if the Y&R stint will be a starring role. The twins tell him no, it will be a walk-on or bit-part. Meanwhile, after breaking a bunch of BB rules regarding contracts and names, Karen admits that she won't be doing Y&R anytime soon because she "doesn't even know how to play the damn game!" NEW MATH More Y&R talk with Drew and Diane. They first complain about the America's Choice contest, saying they wish it were a date instead of Young and the Restless. Diane says, "maybe it will be a tie (between Drew and Diane) and we can do some cheesy love scene together. Drew asks Diane what she thinks about soap operas. She tells him she thinks of love triangles. She says she has already been involved in three triangles herself in this house. No matter how many Cheez-Its and Skittles I use, I can't figure her numbers out for the life of me, unless she is including a mirror and a couple of multi-personalities. STICKS AND STONES Name-calling heard around the house: Natalie says, "Diane is one of those types of girls everyone likes even though she is a butthole." Karen says, "Natalie is the more evil one..." Nakomis says, "I want to see what Cowboy will say. He's a little snitch." THURSDAY NIGHT BIBLE-STUDY Sister Natalie approaches Drew, Bible in hand. She tells him she likes reading specific passages which help her to be "Christlike." Drew expresses doubt, and Sister Natalie gets in his face about reading passages concerning forgiveness, letting bygones be bygones, oh...and letting the twins win all the money. Sister Natalie tells Drew she loves him. Sister Adria joins Sister Natalie and tells Drew she loves him. Before they leave, they tell Drew he MUST read the chapters she told him to read because he will get alot out of it (or Sisters Natalie and Adria will whup his unsaved ass) FROM THE 'DUH' FILES Diane says that Will's parting statement was ironic. Drew says, "that's why he said it." Adria spends a lot of time trying to figure out Will's last words ("If Karma is a boomerang, I'll see you sooner rather than later"). Adria doesn't know what or who "Karma" is. She asks, "Is it Karma Electra?" PET PEEVES OF DESPERATE PLAYERS Adria and Natalie sit on the hammock of "we're in the creek minus a paddle or two." They justify knocking out Will, saying that his bad attitude (at being nominated) got him OUT of the house. Adria complains that she has had to do all the dirty work in the game. She says, "some of the people don't even want to stand up for THE TEAM!!" I'm thinking that's probably because you just voted some of your team out of the game. THE PLAN Nakomis opens an extra-large can of Whup-Ass and lays out the plan for Karen. She says she is putting up both twins, telling them, "You look alike. You act alike. Now you are going out alike." Nakomis declares, "This week is for Will. They want to see competitiveness? They want to see fight and character? They just opened up a whole can they cannot handle." GIVING THE FINGER Nakomis continues her planned-nomination rant, saying, "I'm going to call her (Adria) out and say 'Adria? You owe me a finger (holding up the pinky finger swear of life). Natalie? You're up there because I want you gone. Decide which one of you is leaving. One of you owes me a finger.'" THAT'S MF-MARVELOUS TO YOU COWBOY: "That competition was MARVIOUS SOMEBODY: "The word is Mar-vel-ous."