TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 23, 2004

There's not much more to say than 'It's Monday' yet again. What were the happenings in the BB house this weekend? Fire up the barby and check it out. HELL EXPRESS Diane buys a one-way ticket for the Hell Express by dissing loaves and fishes. Drew says he's "trying to figure out how Jesus fed a crowd with three fishes and loaves." GreenTuna buys a one-way ticket for the Hell Express and hands it to Drew because he can't even get the story right. Fives loaves, two fish. Anyway -- Diane snots, "Oh, like a magic loaf of bread?" Diane then says that there are "all those stories about miracles in the bible, and where are they now?" Has she never seen Touched by an Angel? Drew says Jesus isn't on earth right now, so things are different. Yes. Now we don't call it "magic loaf" ... we call it "Wonder Bread." ALIEN NATION Drew and Diane continue their theological and philosophical discussion by talking about ghosts and aliens. After Karen and Drew discuss aliens and evolution, Diane proclaims that to fully explain her view it would take "hours and hours." Drew asks her to give them just a brief synopsis. Diane says she believes "there are aliens who are smarter than us, do experiments on us while we sleep, and abduct people all the time." (your joke here) 2004 FALL SEASON PREVIEW In case you hadn't heard -- Cowboy wants to be an actor. Cowboy wants his own sitcom. Cowboy says he wishes he could get himself a sitcom, because then he'd only have to work three months, and then he'd be home the rest of the year. He adds insult to ignorance by adding, "I'd like to get one (sitcom) close to home, but if they offered, I'd take it. I'm not stupid. (your joke here) SPORTING NEWS Adria and Natalie offer up their very own interpretation of game-playing and how it relates to sports. Natalie says, "It's like knocking down someone with a ball, or sliding into someone. You don't do it out of hate. You do it because it's a sport." Later, she says, "When I'm gone and you're here, whatever you do, you have to make it hurt." Unsportsman-like conduct, 15 yards. REVISIONIST HISTORY Cowboy, Natalie and Adria remember the good old days. Cowboy says, "I liked Jase." Adria says, "I liked Jase too. I thought Jase was a pretty cool guy. There's childish stuff, and then there is kid-like stuff that's funny." Natalie adds, "Even when Jase thought he hated me, he really loved me." O-K-L-A-H-O-M-A, OKLAHOMA..YOW! Marvin talks football, and tries to remember who played in the championship game last year. He knows one team was Louisiana Tech. Finally, the hamsters figure out the opponent was none other than Oklahoma State. Marvin asks Cowboy how the freak he didn't know OSU was in the championship game. Marvin says, "You got OSU all over your underwear and you don't know that shit? Come ON, Man!" (Keep up Cowboy, Keep up) GRILLMASTER It's a big night at the outdoor grill. After a steak dinner the hamsters roast marshmallows. From afar, TinyTuna yells "Fire the HO!" Marvin has never had a toasted marshmallow before, and he likes it. He asks if these are what s'mores are, and Nakomis tells him they need chocolate and graham crackers. Sometime after s'mores, they decided to grill the cat. The good luck cat. The demonic good-luck cat that was Holly's that she bequeathed to Jase who, in turn, got evicted. Diane says BB told her they could burn the kitty, but that was it. Marvin says the only reason they will let them burn the cat is because everybody hated Holly. Cowboy deadpans, "too bad we couldn't burn Savage's shorts." Later, Drew touches the kitty and surprised to see that it is how. "Gee, wonder why?" Asks Marvin. "It's only been sitting on a fire for twenty minutes." COWBOY FORECAST, PARTY GLOOMY Cowboy is in the kitchen crying over the fact that Adria and Natalie are both nominated, and next week he will have 50% fewer twins to suck up to. Adria and Natalie give him a pep talk, and Cowboy tells them he's just "feeling gloomy." DOH BB gives them hamsters a new treadmill. Drew steps on it and immediately breaks it. AND THEN HE PARANOID ME Marvin asks Diane where the twins went. Diane answers, "conspirisizing." Nakomis interprets and says, "they are talking somewhere."