TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 24, 2004

It's the Tuesday edition of TunaNews. Grab your box of Tide and let's see what's happening inside the BB house. Where in Genoa City did America's Choice Winner Marvin show up? Is he Jill's new love interest? Or perhaps Kay Chancellor's new pool boy? And, will he have the little fake cigar?? Alas, according to the Young and the Restless website, Marvin is stuck in a scene with Michael (lawyer, former convict, former rapist -- not in that order) and Phyllis (Nutcase, Stalker and marriage wrecker). Well Marvin, it's better than having to look at Cowboy all day right? B.A.R.F.Y. Adria shares that her husband puts "S.H.M.I.L.Y." on presents and letters. It stands for "See How Much I Love You." EAT EM' UP -- EAT EM' UP -- RAH! RAH! RAH! The twins go for a full-court press, which is a little unusual considering they are softball players, not basketball players. But there really is no specific strategy for baseball. It's hit the ball or catch the ball. Sports analogies aside, Natalie and Adria decide to go after Drew and Diane separately. Natalie tells Adria, "If you say something out loud, people believe it." GreenTuna doubts that philosophy is true, since Cowboy is STILL yammering about being an actor. HIT EM' WHEN THEY'RE DOWN As Natalie and Adria finish hatching their master plan of annoying the other hamsters to death, they take another opportunity to kick Will while he's down. They say they hope his eviction helped him learn something about "sportsmanship." USE THE "I" FORMATION Natalie goes after Diane, browbeating her with softball, the Bible and a chorus or two of "I Will Always Love You." She asks Diane, "How am I going to back you up if I'm not here? Who's gonna watch your back? " Diane is given no time to answer as Natalie continues, "I can't help you if I'm not here. I can't help Drew if I'm not here. I don't know where Cowboy stands, but I know where I stand. And I know where Adria stands. And I know where Drew stands. And I KNOW where you stand, and I want to help you." As Adria comes in, wondering how the Spanish Inquisition is going (bring me...the comfy chair!) Natalie tells Adria, "We're just all getting on the same page." HELL EXPRESS, TAKE TWO Nakomis chooses a window seat, and Karen takes the aisle on the hell express. The topic today is THE BIBLE and how much it pisses them off. Nakomis goes on a rant about the twins and the Bible, saying, "that's why the Bible really pisses me off, because it's so GENERAL!" Of course, Nakomis really said this in a Marvin dialect, so feel free to add the cusswords of your choice. Nakomis says she wants certain comments the twins made to show up on TV, for example all the Bible stuff. She says one of her pet peeves is people who are wrong and don't admit it. SAVED BY THE BIBLE Adria tells Drew that when she was HoH, "So many people told me so much crap, I could bust this house open if I wanted to!" Sister Adria continues and tells Drew, "But I won't, because I read my passages, and that's not the Christian way." Adria says she's not going to be a gossip and do that to other people. BURMA-SHAVE Adria tells Drew that she knew what she was getting herself into last week. She says she knew she'd be on the block this week, and for some reason, she was allowed to take herself off the block, and she knows that is a SIGN. WORD-A-DAY Cowboy, the newly nominated hamster for the BIG WHEEL (similar to the BIG SLEEP) gives some advice to Natalie. He tells her how cocky he was with Scott and Jase in the house. He says, "if I'm gone, you guys don't get too cocky." Natalie tells Cowboy she doesn't think he was cocky, she thinks he was submissive. Cowboy asks, "What's submissive?" NUMBERS GAME HUDDLE Drew and Diane attempt to figure out what to do without benefit of Cheez-It or Gummy Bears. Drew is swayed by the Natalie argument that keeping Natalie and voting out Cowboy gives them four (Diane, Drew, Natalie and Adria) instead of three. Diane says she has already promised to vote out Cowboy, and she is afraid if both twins are in the house next week, Diane is gone. Diane tells Drew that she is voting for Natalie to leave. She tells him that Natalie takes shots at her with "rude things and stuff." Drew doesn't understand, and Diane tells him, "I KNOW softball girls." FIRST DOWN -- UP THE MIDDLE Diane tells Drew she is angry with him for not wanting to talk to her, but being willing to talk to everybody else. SECOND DOWN -- UP THE MIDDLE Diane yells at Drew for what she feels is the strong possibility that he will not speak to her after BB is over. THIRD DOWN -- UP THE MIDDLE Diane tells Drew, "Do what you want" but turns around a minute later and tells Drew that he is smarter than she is, so he should just tell her what to do. FOURTH AND LONG -- PUNT After arguing in circles with Drew about everything from aliens to philosophy to numbers, Diane finally -- after dissing the loaves and fishes yesterday -- goes for broke and tells Drew that, "God has a plan," hoping that Drew figures out that God's plan is to do whatever Diane tells him to do.