TUNA NEWS -- SEPTEMBER 7, 2004

Welcome to a Tuesday-Post Labor Day-Back to School edition of the TunaNews. I'm reporting from my remote location in Scottish TunaLand, where all the singers make a pilgramage each September. I'm typing on Beelzebub's new and improved Mac-type product with a screen that's bigger than my television at home. Well, not quite, but close. What happened since Bessie took yet another nose dive, Jerry's kids got over 59 million and TinyTuna started fifth grade? Let's see. CURRENT SCORECARD Nakomis is still HoH. Drew and Cowboy were the original nominees. Diane won the Veto, and used the veto on Drew, leaving Cowboy and Karen as this week's nominees. THE PLAN Diane has decided her best strategy is to be a gutless wonder and lie her pants off for the remainder of the week. Since Diane and Drew are the only two hamsters voting this week, they plan to tell Karen that they are voting off Cowboy, when in fact, they are voting off Karen. THE POWER OF THE PINKY Forget the DNA angle for BB5. This season is all about the pinky. Diane is currently livid (is she ever any other way?) saying that Karen claimed Diane made a pinky swear. Diane says she never made a pinky swear. Never! X-nay on the Inky-Pay. HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL Nakomis hopes the vote this week will be a tie, so she can "send Cowboy packing." Karen hopes she wins HoH next week so she can put Drew and Diane up together. HOPE SPRINGS OBVIOUS Diane explains to Drew that she told Nakomis the vote would be unanimous, and if not, it would be a tie. With only two people voting, were there any other options? I think not. Diane explains this to Cowboy, adding that she didn't tell Nakomis for whom the unanimous vote tolls, just that it would be unanimous. Or, a tie. LITTLE DITTY ABOUT DREW AND DIANE Verse 1 Diane: I'm crazy about you. I'm sorry but I think you should know. Drew I'm crazier about you. Diane: I don't think so. I just hopt it stays that way outside the house. Verse 2 Diane: I can't stand you. Drew: I hate you too. Diane: I hate you so much. (kissing) MEDICAL MOMENT Recapper's Warning: This is, most likely, more information than you ever wanted to know. Cowboy tells Drew and Diane that he really likes the Bowflex, saying that it doesn't tear up his body so much, and with his hernia, it's better. Drew asks, "You have a hernia?" Cowboy says, "Yeah! Right now! I've had surgery already." Drew asks Cowboy if he lifted something heavy. Cowboy says, "No, I got this one doing security. I'm a hard worker." Diane asks him if it hurts. Cowboy says, "Not much. It doesn't ruin your life. I just push it to the limits sometimes. Drew wonders about the surgery, asking, "What do they do? Do they take something out?" Cowboy says, "What it is, is large intestines. It helped me out, sex-wise and everything. YOU HAVE A POINT Karen is upset about being lied-to and back-doored. She says, "I look so dumb on TV. I'm such an idiot...a fool." Nakomis asks, "How do you think I feel?" THE WORLD ACCORDING TO DIANE Diane: "Nakomis and Karen think I'm a bitch. Maybe they'll see my good side too." Diane: "I've never said anything bad about anybody. Except a couple of people." Diane: "I've said bad things about people, but never about Drew." Diane: "I have no way around it. I have to lie and tell Karen and Nakomis that I'm voting out Cowboy." Diane: (To Karen) "Oh c'mon. You don't need to pack yet. Trust me!" Diane: "I don't want to be attacked all week. I don't think Nakomis is the type to say something nasty after Karen goes. I don't even want to see her." PARTING SHOTS Diane explains that even after working three jobs she cannot support herself and go back to school. Karen says, "Well, you could do modeling." Nakomis adds, "Maybe, if her face clears up."