TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 31, 2004

Well, we have it all today. Fighting, name-calling, and an electro-shock party game. Who could ask for anything more? Adria tries to pick a fight, Diane is ready to clean her clock, Drew won't eat olives and Cowboy continues to retool the English language. What were the haps in the BB house? THE AMERICAN DREAM Drew tells Diane that his plan is to own car washes or storage facilities and then install cameras so he can watch over his business on a PDA while he's at the golf course. Diane asks where his wife would be, and Drew says, "Shopping." THAT'S LUCKY? Drew and Diane plot end-game. Diane says they will have to be careful what they do and say. She thinks they will need to be lucky. Drew says he's lucky...once he won Britney Spears tickets! CRUEL TO BE KIND Karen, this weeks veto winner, chose not to use the power of veto. Adria, the veto loser (and soon to be ex-hamster) begins her downward spiral. Diane tells Karen that Adria needs to stop pouting. Karen says she could have handled the veto in many ways, but she chose to be kind. TRUTH HURTS The HGs decide to play euchre, so Drew sits down to teach Cowboy. Diane mutters much too loudly that Cowboy won't be able to learn it. Cowboy hears her and actually takes offense, telling Diane that her comment was rude. Diane does a frantic backpedal, saying Euchre is a hard game and it took her awhile to learn how to play it, and she didn't mean the comment "in that way." Nice try. PAGING BEN FRANKLIN BB decides the hamsters are too lethargic, so they get a new game. It's called Lightning Reaction and the end result is the loser(s) get an electric shock. Fun for the whole family!! The hamsters, already immune to pain after spending two months in the BB house decide electroshock therapy is just what they need. Let the games begin! The game is played by 2-4 people. Each takes a joystick out of the circular base. The game is started by pressing the center button. A green light turns on and suspensful music begins to play. As soon as the light turns red, all players must hit the button on their joystick. The idiot to do so gets an electric shock. In addition, if you click too early (before the light turns red) you also get shocked. Sounds like fun? Well, it did to them. Cowboy: "I think I got stimulated!" Diane: "I think I lost a few brain cells!" Dr. Monroe: This is what's known as aversion therapy. When someone hurts you emotionally, you will hurt them physically, and gradually you will learn not to hurt each other at all! And won't that be wonderful Homer? Homer: Oh yes, doctor! [zaps Bart] Bart: Oh! [presses button] Lisa: Owwww! Marge: [scornfully] Bart! How could you shock you little sister? Bart: My finger slipped. [zapped] Whaaaaagh! Lisa: So did mine! [zapped by Bart] Aigh! [she retaliates] Bart: Arggh! [zaps Lisa again] Marge: Bart! Lisa! Stop that! [zaps both] -- At Doctor Marvin Monroe's Family Therapy. Episode 104, "There's No Disgrace Like Home'' It could be the one and only time I wish Scott and Jase were still in the house. PREPPY CHEF Drew and Cowboy go outside for some burger grilling action. Marvin comes out and says, "Woah! Pretty boys can cook?" Drew says, "Well, not as well as you can." Marvin says, "I have to cook for soap stars...you just have to cook for ex-strippers." Nakomis orders one burger, but Karen says she is watching her weight. Marvin says, "What?? After all that chocolate and shit she's been eating??" Cowboy replies, "Oh well, you know. She's percentages." (whu?) WITH A NUDGE NUDGE HERE Adria decides to stir things up outside. From out of nowhere she says, "So, how long have you two (Drew and Diane) been dating?" They try to laugh it off, but Adria pushes things, saying, "From the beginning?" They say not really. Adria asks if they will see each other after the show and if they have any plans. General non-committal banter ensues, heavily laced with a none of your business attitude, but Adria goes for the gusto, saying, "Well it seems like you guys fight all day, but I guess when you go to bed, y'all make up there, right?" AND A NUDGE NUDGE THERE Marvin joins in a little, and asks if they (Drew and Diane) get on each other's nerves. Diane says sometimes, and Marvin jokes that it just must be Diane getting on Drew's nerves. Drew quietly says, "not really." Adria snipes, "Boy, you in deep if she ain't gotten on your nerves." POP! GOES THE WEASEL As soon as Adria gets up and leaves, Diane blows her ever living stack. "What did I ever do to her? I don't appreciate her in my business!" Then Diane goes after Drew, saying, "You could have helped out more." Drew (Indian Name: Cowers without Balls) says, "Uh...I was trying to help you." WHEN IN DOUBT, DRINK BB, sensing that fun times are ahead, fills the storage room with Demon Alky-hol. Diane comes out and says, "Who wants to see a chick fight tonight?" Marvin advises Diane to cool it, saying, "Just tell her (Adria) her ass is gone on Thursday, so she can say whatever she likes." Diane, not understanding second grade playground behavior, wails, "What does she want from me, though?" Cowboy says, "To push your buttons. And you let it happen." Nakomis says, "This is why she (Adria) doesn't talk to me. Because I'll take a weight and whip her across the head." PEBBLY-POO Diane tells the HGs that her nickname in high school was "Pebbles" because she wore her hair in a high ponytail. The hamsters discuss The Flintstones and Karen tries to remember the name of Martian. Nakaomis says she finally remembers...Adam Ant! No. No. No. Amateurs. It was The Great Gazoo. NO PAIN, NO GAIN Cowboy says he wants to soak Nakomis and Diane with the hose. BB comes on the horn and says no, because they have their mics on. Cowboy says, "We know that." Karen says, "All they care about is the mics. We can crack our skulls open." Drew yells, "Take it out of my stipend. It will be worth it!" NOTABLE QUOTABLES Diane: "I'm high maintenance for a couple things, but mainly I'm low maintenance." Cowboy: "Ever since that week he (Marvin) wouldn't let me have HoH I haven't liked him." Karen: "I haven't talked to Diane. She doesn't conversate with me much." Diane: "Both of my parents are psycho."