TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 30, 2004

Time to charge head-on into another Monday morning here at the Tuna News. Now that the Olympics are put to bed, it's time to watch the Hamsters and see who will be the Gold Medal winner of the Stupidity Steeplechase. What's the latest in the house? Let's see. CURRENT SCORECARD MFMarvin is the current HoH. Cowboy and Adria were nominated for eviction. Adria was furious. Cowboy was...Cowboy. Karen won veto and spends every living moment avoiding Adria. Cowboy won BB's choice to receive a phonecall from home. Surely America wasn't that stupid. 1-800-CALLCOWB Cowboy rehashes his phone call on and on and on, winning him no friends whatsoever. Cowboy made April cry. Cowboy made Chasen cry. April told Cowboy he had "streaked enough." AMEN SISTER. After his phone call he kept asking Drew, "Did you talk to anybody today? I DID!" THERE GOES THAT AD CAMPAIGN Diane talks about adding salt to her beer. Marvin takes a sip and says it gags him. Then he notices the beer is a Heineken, and says, "Damn, Heineken already tastes like mule piss!" BITTERCAKES ALA DREW Drew is one unhappy puppy lately. He talks with Cowboy and asks, "Who is the strongest alliance in the house?" Cowboy, not understanding that alliance requires more than one person, says, "Marvin." Drew asks, "And who?" Cowboy says, "Diane?" Drew coolly says, "we are on the same page." To ever be on the same page with Cowboy seems a scary thought, but be that as it may, Drew sums it up with, "Marvin is next. He got out for a day. Screw him." PAY NO ATTENTION TO THAT TWIN BEHIND THE CURTAIN Adria and Drew have a complain-fest. Drew, anxious to be just like whomever he is speaking too, blasts Diane, Marvin and Karen in turn. Marvin is cocky. Diane is cocky. Diane is a stubborn bitch. Adria tells Drew if Karen wins HoH, she knows who she will put up. Adria says she knows who EVERYBODY would put up. It's amazing that one can be so smart regarding everyone else, yet so self-unaware. Adria says she hopes the vote will be a tie so Marvin will have to break that tie. Unless Adria has a couple more identical siblings around, she doesn't have much of a chance. MORALITY: 1 ADRIA: 0 Adria continues her rant to Drew about all the secrets that she knows about other people. She says right now she is "holding it in." She says she wants to tell them everything...about all the deception, but she is "battling her morality" in regards to telling everybody's secrets. WORST EXCUSE EVER After forever, Diane finally busts into Adria/Drew conversation. Diane apologized, saying she waited as long as she could, but she needs her shoes. Thinking Diane might get the gold medal for stupid excuses, Adria tells Diane she and Drew were "having a private conversation about the Olsen Twins." BETTER THINK TWICE Diane tells Marvin, "I would love to get a letter from Lindsey (her twin) to see what she thinks about me. " CONSPIRACY THEORY #333 Marvin thinks that Adria is really....TRIPLETS! Diane and Nakomis talk him into going to the Diary Room to ask. He does, and claims they never gave him a straight answer. HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN The other HGs run down all of Adria's annoying sayings and behaviors. Marvin says, "I gave her (Adria) a chance to get herself off the block, and she didn't do it. " Karen thinks the twins were unsportsmanly when they were in power. Marvin says, "And that's why they're going out the door...the way she played Will and me, wanting us to grovel." Diane says, "She was the only HoH to actually lock the door on us." Marvin imitates Adria, saying, "Now it's time to play the game and have your integrity rise to the top." Nakomis says, "Last I checked, begging isn't competing." BB5 T-SHIRT BONANZA Nakomis, Karen and Marvin talk about making BB5 Tshirts with some of their favorite sayings: "You and Me to the End!" "Jesus Loves Me -- Read This Bible Verse -- Adria needs to be in the BB House!" "Jesus Told Me To Put You Up" "Jesus Wants You to Use the Veto" WE DIDN'T DO IT, HONEST! Karen, Marv, Diane and Nakomis cannot believe that America chose Cowboy to get the phonecall from home. GreenTuna proudly states that none of her votes went to Cowboy, and attributes this win to the almighty power of BB5's philosophy of "Vote all you like. We're gonna do whatever we want anyway." (See: Robert, BB4) Karen asks, "What does America see that made them fall for that shit in the first place? What do they see? Because THIS (Cowboy) 24/7 is intolerable!" Diane says, "His Acting?? Don't go there!" Karen asks, "What kind of pre-med? He said that and when he saw our faces, he changed the subject." HE AIN'T STOOPID, HE'S MY BROTHER The foursome from above wonder if Cowboy as stupid as he seems, or if it is all an act. Marvin thinks that nobody can act THAT dumb ALL the time. Nakomis says she knows a lot of people like Cowboy in Texas. NEXT VICTIM Karen goes into the bedroom to endure another Adria peptalk/tongue lashing/Bible session. Today's strategy: 1. GUILT HER Adria tells Karen, "Both Natalie and I tried to reach out to you for weeks. WEEKS!" 2. CONFUSE HER Adria tells Karen, "Maybe I play differently. I wanted people to come to me to use the veto, but NONE of them would do it." Karen says, "I heard them do it." Adria replies, "If you sit on the bus and never get off, who knows where you're gonna end up?" 3. THREATEN HER Adria tells Karen, "If you get rid of me, I can't help you. You gotta know there are other cut-throat people in this house." 4. INSULT HER Karen tells Adria, "You can read me like a book." Adria replies, "Maybe I'm reading the wrong pages." Adria says, "All I think about is, 'How can I help Karen get farther in the game?'" Karen says, "Everyone in the house is up to something. I have to be careful. I have to take baby-steps. Adria says, "You're not a leader? Have you ever been a leader in your life??" TAKE A NUMBER Cowboy joins the crowd outside and says, "I feel sorry for Karen. She's getting pounded by Adria." Drew says he already put in his time. He asks, "What did I put in tonight? An hour and a half??" THREE IDEA PILE-UP Karen tells Adria that she needs to think about her own fate before voting. She says she "lives in her head." Adria tells her, "That's why you gotta lay this out. Clear your head. Stuff piles up in there." SO MUCH FOR ROCKET SCIENCE Nakomis asks Diane, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Diane says, "Nothing." Nakomis asks, "Then why are you going to college?" Diane replies, "That's my biggest regret. Going to college." Nakomis says her biggest regret is NOT going to college. Diane says, "You're not missing anything. It's a big waste of time." Diane and Cowboy share stories of taking pre-college level math (courses you must take, pay for, and pass, but do not receive any college credit). Nakomis calls the classes, "Algebra for people who didn't pay attention in High School." Cowboy believes he will get a full scholarship to school to study acting. He says if he doesn't get "offered anything" then he will pursue a degree in directing and producing. THEY SAID IT Adria: "Sometimes I have trouble getting my words out." April (Cowboy's fiancee) told Cowboy, "My Daddy said if you don't stop crying, he's going to put a boot up your butt." Cowboy: "I thought April and Chasen might be caught crying on camera, so I tried to be respective on her end." Drew: "This pinky thing is gonna have to crumble." Nakomis: "If the twins vote for me (to win the entire game) I'll buy them something shiny!" Adria: "I try to talk to Nakomis, but she treats me like a puff of smoke." Karen: "The early bird poops on the Buick." Adria: (To Karen) "I've been totally open with you. Except for that little bit of time in the middle." Adria: "I have better reasons than money to be here. I'm a southern, Christian, caring woman. I'd rather sit here with a good name than be worrying about riches. Proverbs 22." PARTING SHOTS Diane: "Tomorrow I'm going to baste in the sun." Drew: "Bask." Diane: "Bast??"