TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 27, 2004

We made it to the end of another work week. Marvin was MFMarvelous on "The Young and the Restless" and Natalie got a one-way ticket to Casa de Pissed off Will. Now that Marv is king of the castle, what fun and games happened last night in the BB House? PREGAME JITTERS Before the live show on Thursday, most of the HGs were chugging beers to "calm them down." It's unknown if Julie Chen had too many beers, or not enough, because after the live show was over, Diane said, "I heard Julie Chen say who was evicted while I was still in the Diary Room!" KIBBLES AND BITS Drew loves Uncle Ben. Well, he loves his wild rice. He eats it right out of the bag. Eat Drew, Eat. Maybe Drew dreams of being an Uncle Ben's Wild Rice Spokesperson. Diane and Nakomis walk over to Drew and proclaim that Uncle Ben's Wild Rice tastes like dog food. Marvin agrees. Watch Drew's contract go up in flames. Burn baby, Burn! Diane goes for the kill by saying, "I used to work in a dog kennel and I know what shit smells like!" EVICTION SCORECARD Diane and Nakomis think that anybody nominated with either Adria or Cowboy will survive the week. Nakomis tells Diane that if Drew and Diane were nominated, Diane would stay in the house. NAKOMIS, YOU ARE SAFE Marvin takes Nakomis aside and tells her she will be safe this week. He tells her she is "straight up" and plays the game "balls out." BB WORKOUT PALACE Karen tells Marvin they are going to turn the morgue into a workout room. Marvin says he'd still rather sleep on a slab or on the floor. Karen asks, "Don't you want to sleep in comfort?" Marvin says after his HoH week he wants to return to the morgue and "rough it." He thinks it makes him strong. MR. KNOW-IT-ALL Cowboy begins imparting all his wisdom on television, actors, and the Hollywood scene. How well does he do? 1. He tells Diane that if she does a soap, she'll be in LA. Ain't necessarily so. Many soaps and daytime shows are produced in New York, including One Life to Live, As the Word Turns, and All My Children. 2. He tells Diane that CBS has "Survivor" and NBC has "Fear Factor" Correct. 3. He tells Diane that NBC has "The Bachelor" Wrongo. ABC After going 1-3 in Television trivia, Cowboy says he wants to be on Young and the Restless. Then he goes back to beating the sitcom horse. He tells Diane he still wants her to be in his sitcom as "the flower shop girl." He says in a sitcom you work for three months and then they pay you all year because you're the star and they need you. But with a movie they pay you enough for you to live off of for two years. Cowboy then tells Nakomis she should be in movies. She tells him, "I'm not an actor." (HOORAY!!) Cowboy tells Nakomis that she should be in scary movies about witches and things like that. Please, somebody evict this boy. CALLING DR. RUTH Cowboy says the best sex is when it is raining outside. Mmmmmkay. I WANT AN OOMPAH LOOMPAH AND I WANT IT NOW!! Cowboy thinks BB should give them a "family day" where everybody gets to come into the house for a visit. GreenTuna snorts Diet Coke. Diane says she'd rather have a clothes day than a family day. She'd rather get a new outfit than see Lindsey. Niiiiice. THANK YOU LORD FOR THIS MY BOUNTY Marvin gets a Prince CD and gets ready to party like it's 1999. He also received a letter from home. His letter says the lawn has been cut, the animals were fed and watered, and "the funeral director was "lit" as usual." They got a new hearse, and replaced the wall in the embalming room. The letter also says, "We know this will probably get edited. Hope you get to read the good parts." Marvin says, "Yeah, you all edited that." He tells the HGs that his mom and his aunt read tea leaves to know what's going to happen. Later, Marvin chills out in the HoH room, listening to his music, eating chips and drinking a beer. He says, "Thank you, Jesus!" (Jesus: No problem, bro. I got twelve hours to eat, sleep, and mingle) NEXT UP: LOAVES AND FISHES Two bottles of air freshener appear. The hamsters say they all like Diane because when she asks for things, they suddenly appear. DIANE, YOU ARE SAFE Marvin pulls Diane aside. She says, "tell me what you want done. I have the power." He tells her she is safe this week, if she guarantees his safety next week if she wins HoH. He tells her she is a cool chick, and he respects how she plays the game. Marvin says "You protect me, and I'll protect you." They bump fists, and it's a done deal. For anybody keeping score that leaves Cowboy, Drew, Adria and Karen as potential nominees. SAVAGE JUNIOR, WE HARDLY KNEW YE Savage Junior goes out in a blaze of glory on the outdoor grill. Nakomis and Diane hum "Taps" and Nakomis does a 21-gun salute. Cowboy says, "They always cremate the heroes." Um, no. WHAT WOULD JULIA DO? Marvin and the other hamsters cook up some quesadillas for dinner. Nakomis uses a heavy hand with the cayenne pepper. Marvin tells her not to put in any more cayenne, saying, "There's a difference between spicy and need a new asshole!" He tells Nakomis to put some flame retardant on his. TWINS REVISITED Karen says that when Scott was voted out, it was a clean break and everybody started over again. But when Natalie was evicted, we still have all this emotional baggage (Adria). The Hamsters agree that Natalie was a "Female Jase." What a horrible thought THAT is. Nakomis rants about Adria's nomination of Marvin and Will (the black guy and the gay guy) and her rationale that "Jesus told her to do it." Nakomis says, "We're all the same. Cut us and we all bleed red." I SWEAR they used that line on Star Trek. RECAPPING PROPS Sometimes you just can't improve on the material given to you. Huge props to tntaangela over at Jokers, who wrote, "Karen tries to form some tears as Adria cried about her sister being gone, but realized they weren't coming, gave up, and went back to eating."