TUNA NEWS -- AUGUST 26, 2004

Happy eviction day! Tonight we'll say seeya to either Cowboy or Natalie. I cannot remember many times I have rooted for Cowboy, but today I'm willing to make an exception. Here's to hoping for one less twin in the Big Brother house. CSI : HABITRAIL Tired of attacking each other, the hamsters focus on the dead dragonfly, which they have decided to call "Savage Junior." Dead bugs. Scott. Dead bugs. Scott. I can see that. Marvin goes all CSI on the HGs asking each where they were at the time of his demise. Tired of filming card games and undercover smooching, the Diary Room people ask Marvin about having a funeral. Marvin tells the other hamsters that "At 8:30 pm, Savage Junior went to glory." I'm thinking that's one BIG step up. A FEW LAME HAMSTERS In the midst of his CSI interrogation, Marvin begins to question Karen. Marvin yells, "I want the TRUTH!" Karen yells, "You can't HANDLE the TRUTH!" Marvin asks Karen if she ordered the "Code Red" on Savage Junior. Karen yells, "You're damn right I did! And I'd do it again!!" Karen adds, "I was jealous. I wanted the string around my ass, but I was too fat to fly." SAVAGE JUNIOR, R.I.P. The hamsters find a box in which to place Savage Junior and they pretend to hug and cry while the former dragonfly is laying in state on the Kitchen Table. Marvin places some flowers by his box. Adria walks by, takes one look at the setup and says, "that's silly." One of the HGs asks Marvin if they contacted his relatives. Marvin says, "It's hard when you get one that goes out like that. So fast -- just one day in the house. Some folks just aren't cut out for the BB house." NAKOMIS, CHIEF ENTOMOLOGIST Nakomis determines the dragonfly died from the cold temperature in the house. She says in San Antonio dragonflies live in 115-degree heat, but as soon as it cools down, they die. They know the BB house is set at 68 degrees, and then Cowboy laid a damp cloth on top of it. COWBOY -- SUPERHERO The girls start screaming. Again. They saw a spider. They yell for Cowboy to come over and get it, calling him "Spiderman." WINDMILLS AND GORILLAS Tomorrow's HoH competition will be based somehow on putt-putt golf. The hamsters are given a practice area with ramps, etc. It will be based on accuracy. Maybe Bob Barker will show up and give a practice putt to "show them how it's done." I WANT MY MTV The hamsters play a regrettable round of MTV and 80s trivia. They wonder who did the video "Money for Nothing." Karen convinces the houseguests dumber than she is (meaning, everyone in this case) that it was the group Men at Work. Poor Karen. It wasn't Men at Work. They live in the land down under and eat vegemite sandwiches. Correct answer: Dire Straits. LAST DITCH EFFORT Natalie corners Karen in the shower and goes at it yet again. The arguments are as followed: 1. Old vs. Young -- Natalie complains that she is afraid the "youngsters" are going to win the game. She and Karen are old and married (she says, "we are the only old bags") , and therefore, somehow, inexplicably, more deserving of the money. 2. You're Safe -- Natalie promises Karen that she'd be safe if she kept Natalie. She tells Karen, "If I stay and get HoH next week, I won't put you up. If I go, you may go the week after me. Or you may be staying." 3. Jesus is her Co-Pilot -- Natalie tells Karen that she knows the vote is difficult this week. She says she doesn't want Karen to tell her her vote because Natalie lets the Lord come to her to help her. 4. She is her own person -- Natalie cries that she is an individual. She says she and Adria lead separate lives. She says she can't help it that Adria decided to be her friend in the game. 5. Don't Hate Her Because She's Strong -- Natalie complains that she is sick of being stereotyped because she is so strong. 6. Nobody Knows The Trouble She Seen -- Natalie tells Karen that she wouldn't believe what Natalie has "been through" while at the house. Natalie believes that people have put her through a great deal of hardships. 7. Can I Get an "Amen?" -- Natalie says despite it all, she just keeps sending up her prayers every day. 8. Oh, And One More -- In case you missed it, Natalie tells Karen (probably for the twentieth or so time during this conversation) she hopes she considers what she has told her. She says, "I am doing this because Jesus wants me to (Jesus: Holy Cripes. I'm a little busy over here. Pass the caviar. And the ostrich eggs). I do not break my word when I give it. I DON'T BREAK MY WORD!!" BEST LINE EVER At the end of the full on Natalie assault, Karen sums up the conversation with a straight-faced, "And thanks for the no pressure thing." WORTHLESS HAMSTER TRIVIA Nakomis was home-schooled. Cowboy's birthday is December 12th. AS THE HoH TURNS Natalie and Adria slam on Nakomis. Natalie says there was no reason to talk to Nakomis this week. She says, "I talked to her the last two weeks and it grossed me out. She thinks she is queen of the house now." Oh, and Natalie tells Adria that she is only here because Jesus wants her to do this. (Jesus: Uh, Natalie? I gotta get gas for Brandon's bus ride. Please take a number). MARRIED TO THE MOB Nakomis revisits the pinky swear. She tells Karen that if Natalie leaves, then Adria will have "paid" her finger, and they will be square. Nakomis says, "I'll tell her (Adria) 'you can hold a grudge if you want, but if you're going to hold a grudge and lie to me and say you won't, don't be around me.'" Thank goodness THAT was cleared up. MAFIA, MARTHA STUART STYLE Nakomis worries about Drew and his vote. She says, "If he goes back on his word I am going to let him know the game is on between me and him. If I keep getting lied to, pillowcases are going to end up over people's head." DEAD TWIN WALKING Sister Natalie gets the last word today, as she tells Adria, "Someone asked me before I came into the game, 'Why are you taking in your Bible? Don't you think that it will be threatening to others?' Natalie answered, "Heck yes. Anyone who stands for God will take hits."